


(raise a glass to) freedom

by mihaly



Series: (hhh)eoy [6]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Drama, Flirting, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 17:05:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 59,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5548421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mihaly/pseuds/mihaly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a rough first semester at college, John Laurens was seeking simplicity.</p><p>That's when Alexander Hamilton walked into his life.</p><p>a remix of (hamilton has his) eyes on you: John's POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. roommate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Turq8](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turq8/gifts), [hydraxx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hydraxx/gifts).



> IF YOU HAVE NOT READ [(HAMILTON HAS HIS) EYES ON YOU](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5257604/chapters/12131144), STOP READING RIGHT NOW. Go read that first. This is full of spoilers if you haven't read it.
> 
> You've read it now? Good.
> 
> So! 
> 
> Someone originally requested Alex & John's first meeting in (hhh)eoy written from John's POV. Remixing the first chapter went so well that I'm actually writing the first 6 chapters instead, up to and including their first kiss at the rally. The reason being, after that point they are pretty in sync and communicate their feelings for each other pretty well. The only other scene I really want to write after that point for John alone is his phone call with his dad which will be a completely separate fic.
> 
>  **Edit 1/3/2016:** The whole of (hhh)eoy will be remixed!
> 
> Enjoy!

The first semester of college had been _amazing_. John Laurens had never felt more liberated than when he watched his father and sister drive away in his large black Cadillac, leaving him to fend for himself. Within the first three weeks, John had found himself two great friends, Lafayette and Hercules, and had already joined several groups on campus in the hopes of finding more like-minded people.

Finally free of his father’s shackles, John quietly started coming out as gay to close friends. He’d always known he preferred men. (He had a rather sizable folder of downloaded gay porn on his computer.)

So, John figured he should tell Lafayette, who had come out to him as genderqueer, an identity John didn’t quite understand but was learning. He meant to tell Hercules, but it ended up coming out weird. He remembered saying a lot of things about difficulty with girls and dating, but then the professor started the lecture and John didn’t get to finish.

The last person John felt he was required to come out to was his roommate, George Frederick III. He was very cute, very British, and very gay himself. George was in an on-and-off again relationship with a man he only referred to as ‘The American’ and from the sound of it, was mostly off. George frequented Journeys, the town’s gay club, and earned the name ‘King George’ for his supposedly spectacular blowjobs.

Which only made John curious.

It began innocently enough. He tactfully mentioned how he didn’t know what it was like to kiss a boy, just to test the waters, and King George took that as a plea to be kissed by him. They kissed that night, only a month into the semester, in George’s bed. John didn’t know George was currently with The American when they made out, and the guilt he felt when he found out was immense. He wasn’t a homewrecker and didn’t intend to be one. He kept George at arms’ length, but when both of them were drunk, George would tell John he and The American had broken up for good that that’s why he was drinking. So, John would fool around with George. Some handjobs, grinding, kissing, but nothing more. Call it naïveté or call it misplaced virtue, but John wanted his first time to be with someone he loved.

Then George pushed the line. And John panicked.

With the amount of wailing George did, you would’ve thought John had shot him in the mouth. Before the university took their statements, they agreed to leave out the part of it being consensual because facing the consequences of the university was far easier than those of Henry Laurens. As expected, the university only offered to kick George out of the dorms. It was enough.

Winter Break rolled around and John was forced to go home for the first time since the start of the semester and it was a nightmare. The joy and jubilation John had to be free of his father vanished when that same large black Cadillac rolled up to take him home. The 7-hour drive back to South Carolina was a hellish rebuke of why gays were ruining the country Henry Laurens fought so hard to protect.

The whole month home was much of the same: a test of patience. John had a miserable Christmas and a horrible New Year’s. His siblings were not helpful at all as they were all still under the hypnotism of their father’s unyielding hand. Since becoming a single father when John was young, he had abandoned all warmth and kindness in favor of heavy discipline. The 4 years he spent in Europe for boarding school were nothing like college. He was under heavy surveillance, with daily reports back to his father on his behavior and activities. He felt his father’s eyes on him even when he was an ocean away. College actually afforded him a loose leash and the ability to do as he pleased.

Both John and Henry Laurens were equally relieved when John said he would take the train back to school 2 days early.

As an international student, Lafayette hadn’t gone home, but had stayed at the school to take some fun outdoor recreational classes where they camped outdoors and learned survival skills. They had made new friends, including some upperclassmen, but was excited when John had returned. Hercules got back the next day and the Revolutionary Trio was back in action.

In 48 hours, John’s entire mood had shifted. He had his friends, his studies, and a new roommate on the way. He was nervous about the last one, understandably so, but excited nonetheless. He knew his name was Alexander Hamilton and he was a transfer student. He tried looking him up on Facebook, but was disappointed when he realized just how many Alexander Hamiltons were on Facebook. He might have even gone by Alex. He didn’t know where he was from, and if he changed his network to Kings College, there were still four Alexander Hamiltons. (Though John hoped it was the cute Latino one with the long hair. He had lips that looked just so kissable.)

The morning Alexander was set to arrive John had ensured he was up and dressed early. They hadn’t spoken yet and John was worried Alexander might show up and he was in a questionable state of dress or in the middle of something. With no roommate around, John had taken to sleeping naked and masturbating openly as he watched his downloaded porn at full volume without headphones. He figured there would be no way for Alexander to get to the room before 8am when the front desk checked out keys. So, John took full advantage of his last morning alone and jacked off, his mind flitting between the video on the screen and the cute Alexander Hamilton on Facebook. Perhaps John was putting too many emotional eggs in the basket, hoping that was the Alexander Hamilton he’d be rooming with, but if it wasn’t, then John just had someone beautiful for masturbation fodder. And if it was…

John didn’t want to consider the ramifications of that impossible situation.

After his morning alone, John lounged around his room, dressed and ready to go. He cleaned his side of the room twice, ensuring everything was straight and orderly. He rented a vacuum from the front desk. He wiped down the room’s sink and washed all of the dishes he had, as well as restocked the minifridge with various drinks and snacks from the dorm’s convenience store.

It was 11am and John Laurens needed to calm down.

He turned on some music and wasted time scrolling through Facebook, clicking between the Black Lives Matter university page and all the potential Alexander Hamiltons he could be living with.

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Is he here yet?_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _Nope._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Are you nervous?_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _Extremely._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _I hope it’s the cute one from Facebook. He is très beau._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _Moi aussi._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Did you have Hercules check his credentials?_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _I didn’t ask him. I didn’t want to explain._

Lafayette had checked out the profile John sent him and approved of John’s choice in crushes. From what John could see, he was from St. Croix, was very vocal in his opinions, was constantly photographed hunched over a notebook—

A cough.

John turned around.

And was standing right behind him.

His dream had come true. His prayers had been answered.

“Hi,” John said excitedly. He practically jumped out of his chair, anxiously flattening his clothes, hoping he didn’t look too rumpled and nervous. He offered his hand. “I’m John Laurens. You must be Alexander Hamilton?”

John was honestly surprised he got his entire name out because wow, Alexander Hamilton in the flesh was _so_ much better than in photos. Alexander hesitated before taking John’s hand.

“I am,” was the response.

“It’s nice to meet you,” John said, kindly. “Guess we’re going to be living together this semester.”

Alexander nodded, but didn’t say anything. John gulped. He was terrified he was not what Alexander expected. What if Alexander was expecting a more dudebro roommate? What if he was hoping for a roommate he could go to clubs with and pick up girls? What if he was homophobic and wouldn’t be okay with John? What if he was just a straight-up _jerk_?

“A Tribe Called Quest is great,” Alexander commented, gesturing to John’s laptop.

“Oh, you know them?” he replied. A wave of relief passed through John. At least they could have music in common. “My friend Lafayette just got me into them. He sent me their whole discography the other day and I’m addicted. I’m typically more of a Pharcyde and Digable Planets guy myself.”

_Slow down, John. Slow down._

“Both amazing groups,” Alexander agreed. He stepped closer to John’s decorated wall, reading the signs. “Are those protest posters? I’ve been to several myself.”

_Oh god. Maybe he’s a Conservative. Maybe he’s an All Lives Matter guy. Maybe he’s a 1%-er—_

“Yup,” John answered defensively. “Pretty big civil rights activist. PoliSci and Social Work double major right here.” He braced himself for impact.

“I’m PoliSci and English,” Alexander smiled. “With emphases in wage equality and economics, too. Possibly doing a pre-law track. Honestly it’s not that I’m worried about the workload, but I don’t know if I’d rather focus more on activism than law itself, you know? Or maybe I should triple major, with economics too? My foster mom says I’d be better off going into journalism. That way I could write about everything and since I have a tendency to run my mouth…”

John never considered himself a religious man but he wanted to drop to his knees and thank God for Alexander Hamilton.

“That’s perfect,” John said excitedly. “My last roommate was a math major and he was terrible. Luckily, his boyfriend proposed and he moved into couples housing.”

A lie, but Alexander didn’t need to know the real reason. Not right away. He didn’t need to know John’s history of violence or sexual acts with his roommate.

John sat down on his bed and Alexander sat down on his own. It was odd, because he’d been in this exact position but with George. He could picture himself doing what he’d done before: stepping across the room in two strides and straddling his roommate, kissing him within an inch of his life. That’s what he did with George and dear god did he want to do it with Alexander.

“Terrible because he’s…?” Alexander queried.

_The worst person ever? Rude? Forceful? Too gay to function—_

“Oh! No!” John said, realizing what Alexander meant. “I meant ‘luckily’ because I got rid of a roommate I hated and got one whom I like already.” He smiled, because he genuinely felt that within minutes of meeting him.

He watched Alexander close his eyes and breathe deep. He probably came a long way, drove it himself since he didn’t arrive with parents, and was tired. It gave John a chance to stare a little bit and take in this man whom he’d been Facebook-stalking for the last week and a half. His long, thick, black hair John wanted to run his fingers through. His pouty lips John wanted to kiss and kiss and kiss. The faint circles under his eyes from tireless activism and righteousness. His firm and broad chest. The slight bulge in his pants. His long, strong legs.

Alexander’s eyes met his.

“What?” Alexander asked kindly.

_I want all of you._

“It’s nothing,” John lied. “I think I’m just excited to live with you, Alexander.” Alex smiled in return.

“Me too, John.”

**_Oh._ **

His name, so simple, sounded so delicate on Alexander’s tongue. He wanted to hear him say it again and again, shouted in ecstasy and whispered in reverence.

John Laurens finally felt at home.


	2. friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John introduces Alexander to his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were looking for more Lafayette, this is your chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

Alexander had far less stuff than John did when he moved in. They only needed a couple trips with the available carts in the building. The snow made it a little difficult to move things inside, but otherwise with Alexander’s close parking space, his large boxes of notebooks weren’t too terrible to take upstairs.

They didn’t talk a lot while they moved Alexander’s boxes. John was still too flustered by his current reality to form real sentences. Alexander talked a bit, mostly about the drive and other inane topics. But John decided he could listen to Alexander read the weather and never be bored.

They were safely back in their room, Alexander’s things piled high on his side of the room. It was significantly less stuff than John had – and it showed.

“I’m surprised at all the stuff you fit in your car!” John remarked. “I think it took my father and me at least three trips to get all my stuff up from South Carolina.” It was an exaggeration, but only because John’s father rented a U-Haul trailer and attached it to his Cadillac.

Alexander leaned into John’s space. John could feel Alexander’s hot breath against his ear and could smell the sweet simplicity of his aftershave.

“The trick is,” Alexander murmured teasingly, “Is not being a packrat.” John glanced around at all of his stuff around the room and then back at Alexander’s side and _oh my god_ he was a packrat.

“You shut your mouth!” he laughed, punching Alexander playfully in the arm.

“Make me.” The heat in Alexander’s words sucked the air out of the room. Images of John pressing Alexander against the wall, kissing the life out of him, flitted behind his eyes.

His phone pinged.

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Is it Hot Alexander Hamilton??? Bring him to lunch today so Hercules and I can meet him!_

Once Alexander arrived, he had completely forgotten anyone else in the world existed.

“Oh, it’s Lafayette,” John said, surprised. “He and Hercules are going to the cafeteria for lunch right now and were wondering if we’d like to join them.”

“We?”

John grinned. “Yes, ‘we’. I told them you were moving in today and they wanted to meet you.”

He quickly texted back. He wanted to gush to Lafayette about just how cute Alexander was, but with him peering over his shoulder, John didn’t feel safe enough to do that. 

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _We will meet you there!_

It was the only time John ever felt the need to use Lafayette’s made-up emoji language. He added three emojis at the end: a kissy face, a pink heart, and a lion.

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _OH MY GOD IT IS THE HOT ONE FROM FACEBOOK._

_I’ve made a huge mistake._

“Let’s go!” John said, trying to mask his terror with an overlaying excitement. He quickly grabbed his keys and led Alexander down to the cafeteria where his friends were waiting.

As they waited in line to enter the cafeteria, John watched Alexander stare at the food, as if it were going to get up and walk away. He didn’t want to make any assumptions about the foster system, but the look in Alexander’s eyes said so much.

“It’s not going anywhere, Alexander,” John reminded him kindly. Alexander’s eyes focused on him and as if on cue, his stomach growled.

_Me too, Alexander._

They entered the food court and Alexander went _bananas_. John felt like he was babysitting his siblings, following Alexander around the room to each station, seeing him pile food up on his tray.

“You can always come back for seconds, Alexander,” John reminded him, but to no avail. He was even shoving food in his pockets, something most students reserved only for weekends when the cafeteria had limited hours.

Eventually, they made it through the food court to the dining area. Sure enough, Lafayette and Hercules managed to snag their usual table. The thinned crowd of students plus Lafayette’s famous puffy ponytail – he claims it’s all the rage in France – made it easy to spot them.

“This way, Alexander,” John smiled, leading Alexander to their table. He had so many mixed feelings on why they left the one side of the booth open. He knew Lafayette did it so John could sit next to Hot Alexander Hamilton From Facebook, but also so he could openly stare at Hot Alexander Hamilton From Facebook across the table.

John slid into the booth and Alexander followed.

“Hey guys, this is Alex Hamilton. Alex, this is Hercules Mulligan,” John said. He immediately regretted saying ‘Alex’ instead of ‘Alexander’, the name feeling foreign on his tongue. He gestured to Hercules, then to Lafayette, “And this is – let me say it – Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette.”

“And that’s not all of it,” Lafayette added. John was relieved he didn’t say ‘I’m quite a mouthful’ like he did when John met him.

“He spares us by just using Lafayette,” Hercules chimed in. “So don’t worry about his horrendously French name.”

“I took French in high school,” Alexander remarked.

_That makes two of us._

“Really?” Lafayette asked.

“Oui, Monsieur.”

“We will discuss later,” Lafayette smirked. John knew that smile: he was going to try to steal Alexander out from under him. “These two have instituted a ‘No Speaking French at Lunch’ rule which I find offensive.”

John rolled his eyes. He knew exactly what Lafayette was talking about.

“We did that because all these _girls_ came over—“ he argued.

“—And only _you_ had an issue with it!” Hercules said. John blushed. He placed a hand on John’s. “Our John here does not have luck with the ladies.”

“ _Don’t_ , Hercules,” John said tersely. Sure, Hercules didn’t know he was gay, but he didn’t want Alexander to figure it out. If he could read between the lines, he might not want to have anything to do with him. It would make for a very long semester. He could feel Alexander’s eyes on him, as if he were calculating the best way to inform John of his homophobia in the privacy of their own room.

“So, Alex,” Lafayette said, “What are you majoring in?”

“PoliSci and English,” Alexander replied. Lafayette leaned in, turning his flirting up to 10. John was still seething.

“Oh! We’re in PoliSci, too! Excellent! We’ll all be seeing a lot of each other then, no?”

“I guess so,” Alexander shrugged.

“What’s your schedule?” Lafayette asked.

John picked at his salad. He couldn’t believe how much Lafayette was flirting with Alexander. Well, he could believe it, but he distinctly remembered calling dibs if his Alexander Hamilton turned out to be Hot Alexander Hamilton From Facebook. Lafayette was unapologetically queer and very forthcoming and obvious about their inclinations. So even if there was a chance that Alexander was gay, he’d go after Lafayette. Who would pine after a guy who was often mistaken as straight? At this rate, John was going to die alone because Lafayette was going to take every guy he ever had a crush on. Lafayette was tall and gorgeous and effortlessly confident—

Hercules and Lafayette’s laughter ripped John out of his thoughts and to the current conversation.

“Oh! Political Behavior was awful! Good luck staying awake!” Hercules laughed.

“At least you’re not alone, John,” Lafayette chuckled. He saw the glint in Lafayette’s eye that told John he still had dibs on Alexander.

“Sorry you’re stuck with me in the worst class the department has to offer,” John falsely apologized. He really wasn’t sorry. He was going to get more alone time with Alexander every week as if living together wasn’t enough.

“I think I’ll survive,” Alexander smiled at him. He seemed genuinely excited to be with John in that horrible class. It was a relief that he’d have someone in the class with him, but better that it was Hot Alexander Hamilton From Facebook.

“So Hamilton, what are your thoughts on the current Presidential nominees?” Lafayette asked, changing the conversation drastically as Alexander launched into a long (and perfect) analysis of every Presidential candidate from the Democrats to the Republicans to Deez Nuts.

It cooled him down from his anger over Hercules nearly accidentally outing him to Alexander. Hercules didn’t really _know_ know, but he could’ve made another logical jump. Lafayette was seemingly backing down from Alexander, though his spindly fingers were absolutely hypnotic when they played with his drink straw.

Despite being brand new, Alexander fit in seamlessly with their group. It was like the missing piece finally clicked into place. Their trio was never meant to be a trio but four of them. As conversation wore on, John felt more and more at ease, slowly falling in love with everything that came out of Alexander’s mouth. He was so clear and so eloquent in his beliefs that it was hard not to.

Lafayette checked his watch.

“Oh! It’s getting late! I’ve an appointment with my international advisor,” he informed them as he stood, taking his tray with him. “Je m’en vais!”

And with that, Lafayette peaced out.

“Is there anything you need to do?” John asked Alexander, hoping for a chance to spend more time with him. Hoping he didn’t answer with ‘take a nap’ or ‘meet some girls’.

“I need to buy my books,” Alexander replied. John’s entire body lit up.

“I _love_ book shopping! Best part of the semester, if you ask me,” he said brightly. He wasn’t lying. John loved shopping, first and foremost, but he loved book shopping of all varieties most of all. The weight of the heavy tomes in his hands, the smell of the ink, the knowledge held between the covers.

“I let him shop for my books and just gave him my debit card while I took a nap. You should do it too,” Hercules recommended. It was true. He was small and lithe and able to squeeze into small spaces, whereas Hercules was enormous and hulking and uninterested in shopping. John would have certainly lost Hercules in the store. But perhaps if John held Alexander’s hand he wouldn’t lose him…

“No,” Alexander said quickly. “I’d, uh, really like to see where the bookstore is. And I’ve been sitting in my car all day anyway. Walking around would be great. I’d love it if you joined me, John.”

“ _Yes_ , please!” John said wantonly.

_Whoa. Tone it down, Laurens._

“Your funeral,” Hercules murmured. He cleaned himself off and left the table with his tray, leaving John and Alexander alone.

John was honestly so excited to go shopping with Alexander.

“It’s going to be crazy down there, but it’s going to be a lot of fun,” he said excitedly as he scooted Alexander out of the booth. As they left the cafeteria, John got a text from Lafayette.

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _He’s all yours, mon ami. Cute boy from Winter Break just sent me a dick pic. Definitely going to pursue this. 8====D~_

John smiled and rolled his eyes. Lafayette never ceased to astound him.

* * *

John loved the bookstore. When it was the off-season, it was great to go through the aisles, find the books for all the English classes, and buy the books he found interesting at a discounted rate. He had shelves and shelves of books he never would have purchased otherwise.

Ok, maybe Alexander was right. He was a packrat.

Together, John and Alexander stood in front of the war scene that was the bookstore pre-semester. John was brimming with excitement.

“The bookstore!” he cheered. “You ready, Alexander Hamilton?”

Alexander took a deep breath.

“I’m ready, John Laurens.”

John saw his chance and he took it. More like, he took Alexander’s hand in his and dragged him into the battlefield. Alexander’s hand was so soft and smooth in his, but his broad palm was so undeniably masculine. It fired off all these thoughts in John’s brain as he scanned the stacks, imagining those hands all over his body, imagining those fingers opening him up…

They stopped in front of the Political Science section. John wasn’t ready to let go of Alexander’s hand. For the briefest moment, he silently pretended Alexander was his boyfriend and they were here shopping together. A first date.

He let Alexander’s hand go when a student pushed through because it was nothing more than a fantasy.

“What books do you need?” he asked Alexander. He took out his phone and checked his list. Meandering through the store, they managed to grab all of Alexander’s books. It didn’t surprise John he had this many. He was taking 6 classes after all and some of which were English classes. John helped Alexander carrying the books as they waited in line. It was too hard to make a move to hold his hand again, as much as he wanted to.

“You said this was ‘crazy’ as an understatement, right?” Alexander asked. John laughed.

“Well, I thought you’d find me insane if I said it was ‘complete and utter chaos’!” Lafayette and Hercules had called him much worse things.

“But that is a far more accurate description of what this is,” Alexander pointed out.

“You’re right,” John admitted, smiling brightly. He was on a shopper’s high with Hot Alexander Hamilton From Facebook next to him. Smiling was only natural.

John watched something shift in Alexander’s face. Something from happiness to concern.

“What did Hercules mean when he said you had an issue with the girls earlier? You went really quiet and I was wondering if there’s anything I should know since we are living together. Is everything okay?”

John’s stomach dropped.

_Oh god he figured it out. And here is not the place to be screamed at for being gay. Lie, John. Lie!_

“Lafayette and Hercules are always trying to fix me up with some of their friends. They say, ‘You’re a catch! You just have to let us find you someone!’ and every time they fail. They thought if Lafayette drew them in, that Hercules could work on his wingman skills for me,” John lied. But his heart injected a moment of truth. “I’m interested in someone, but I’m not telling them. They’d make too much of a big deal out of it.”

“You’re interested in someone?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know if they’re interested in me.”

_Or gay for that matter._

“Why don’t you ask her?” Oh, such a straight man’s folly, assuming it was a ‘she’. John mentally resigned from ever having Alexander like him back.

“I just met them, so it seems a little soon.”

“Well, you won’t know unless you ask, dear Laurens,” Alexander said sweetly. And he was right, whether he agreed with John’s sexuality or not.

“Maybe. One day,” John sighed. “What about you, Alexander?”

“Oh, I’m interested in someone,” he responded firmly. “We just met. He’s super cute and funny. I like him a lot.” He looked directly at John and smiled.

_Oh._

“Oh!” John said, shocked at the sudden revelation. He didn’t know what to say. “I didn’t—So you’re—“

“Bi. I’m bisexual,” Alexander confirmed. John smiled, a little glimmer of joy twitched to life on his lips. He felt his heart lift up and praise the heavens that Hot Alexander Hamilton From Facebook was indeed queer. But his description of whom he likes was super vague.

_It’s probably Lafayette. They did really seem to hit it off at lunch._

“That’s great,” John said simply. “When did you figure it out?”

“Eighth grade, I think.”

Standing in line in the crowded bookstore where anyone could hear them was not John’s ideal place to come out to Alexander. He desperately wanted to stand up on a mound of books and shout, ‘I’m gay, too, Alexander! I’m gay!’ and kiss him wildly against the shelves, but there were several things keeping John from considering any such action. Yet, his heart held onto the thought that perhaps Alexander was indeed talking about him.

_Perhaps._

They talked effortlessly the whole time they waited in line. John had never found such an easy companion as he did in Alexander Hamilton. It was incredible that they bonded so quickly and had so many of the same thoughts and ideas in common.

A blond cashier at register 5 waved them over, much to John’s relief, and they dumped the books on the counter. John watched Alexander become more and more fidgety as the price climbed and climbed.

“Price getting to you?” he asked.

“I knew college was going to be expensive, but this is downright ludicrous. Why do they think they can get away with prices like this?” Alexander questioned, his tone rising.

“You’ll be angrier when you realize half the books you grabbed were written by the professors themselves. It’s an unfair system. The Student Senate is working to fight for better buy-back systems for textbooks and working on a nation-wide coalition to lower the cost of textbooks,” John explained. He hated the system too, but since he wasn’t on the front lines fixing the problem, he could only support from the sidelines.

“Student Senate?” Alexander asked.

“It’s the governing body for the school. You can’t run if you’re a freshman.”

_I know. I looked into it too._

They gathered up Alexander’s books in the bags and left the basement of the student union, heading out into the snow. The cold didn’t feel as treacherous this time. John felt lighter, warmer. He wished he could hold Alexander’s hand again, especially now that he knew Alexander’s inclinations included men. But their hands were full and while it made sense to do it in the bookstore as to not _lose_ Alexander, the walk home was full of people John could bump into. People who knew his father.

They passed MacLean Hall where the Bursar’s Office was. Alexander told John about his tribulations at the office earlier. Even though they were carrying heavy bags of books, it was certainly better to get this out of the way now as opposed to leaving the warmth of their room again.

“Hey, isn’t the bursar’s office supposed to be ready for students after three?” he asked Alexander. He pulled out his phone, which not only had several texts from Lafayette but read 3:56pm. “Do you want to stop there before we go home? Because I’ve got a cup of hot chocolate, footie pajamas, and episodes of _Parks and Rec_ to watch.”

Okay, so John was definitely trying to entice Alexander to spend the evening with him. He dreamt of snuggling with Alexander under the blankets, watching episode after episode of his favorite show, and kissing occasionally, their mouths both tasting like chocolate.

_Oh, that sounds **very** nice._

“You do not have footie pajamas,” Alexander said doubtfully. John shrugged.

“Mine’s Donatello, Lafayette has Leonardo, and Hercules has Raphael,” he said sassily. “And I am looking for a Michelangelo.” John winked at Alexander.

_A Michelangelo who has an eye for beauty. And naked men._

Alexander laughed. His laughter always made John’s stomach warm.

“Okay, sure. Let’s stop at the bursar’s so I can get this hassle over with,” he agreed.

They turned down the sidewalk toward MacLean. The hallway was thankfully empty, so hopefully their trip home wouldn’t be delayed. John desperately wanted to get Alexander home and spend more alone time with him.

There was only one window open at the bursar’s office with a guy John recognized from a PoliSci mixer last semester. Burn? Barr?

“We meet again,” the man behind the glass said.

“Aaron Burr, sir,” Alexander replied.

_Aaron Burr! Right! He’s in Spectrum with Lafayette! How did Alexander already know him?_

“I see you’ve brought back-up,” Burr remarked, glancing past Alexander to John. His icy gaze sent a shiver through John’s already chilled body.

“My roommate, John Laurens,” Alexander introduced him. He gave a brief wave to Burr, wondering if he recognized him from before.

Alexander slid an envelope of money under the window. Since he was going to be busy for a moment, John took the time to check his phone.

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Cute boy wants me to call him daddy. <3 <3 <3_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _I’m happy for you! (but tmi, Lafayette.)_

 **To Hercules Mulligan** : _I found our Michelangelo! Will send measurements when I can._

“Alexander Hamilton.”

 **From Hercules Mulligan** : _Hamilton’s in???? Score! I’ll start immediately._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _So have you two made out yet?_

“That’s me.”

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _No, but we did hold hands in the bookstore._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Really putting on the moves with him aren’t you. Straight boys love that._

“From Charlestown?”

“That’s me.”

“Hm.”

John looked up from his phone and saw Burr leave the window.

“Do you know him?” he murmured to Alexander. He shook his head.

“We met this morning.”

Alexander continued to watch Burr from the window, eying him carefully as he entered information into a computer in the back. He had Alexander’s attention all afternoon; John could be patient for all of three minutes.

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _He’s not straight. He’s bi._

 **From Hercules Mulligan** : _Ask Hamilton if he wants to go out tonight with us to check out some girls._

 **To Hercules Mulligan** : _We’re staying in tonight and doing some roommate bonding._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _YES. YES. YES. Have you told him about Spectrum yet??? TELL HIM ABOUT SPECTRUM. GET ON THAT._

 **From Eliza Schuyler** : _Were you the one who borrowed my kneepads? <3_

 **To Eliza Schuyler** : _I’ll bring them to volleyball on Wednesday! <3_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE FUCKING HIM RIGHT NOW AND THAT’S WHY YOU’RE NOT TEXTING ME BACK._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _No, Lafayette! Go text your boytoy!_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Daddy’s busy. :(_

“I guess I’ll be seeing you in The History of Warfare,” Burr drawled, surprising John. He stuffed his phone back in his pocket.

“I suppose you will,” Alexander replied tensely. John gently took his arm. He didn’t want this to escalate. Knowing himself, he would turn this into a two-on-one fight and embarrass his family further.

“C’mon, Alexander,” he said kindly, pulling him away from the window. He could feel the tension between Alexander and Burr.

And holy shit was that sexy to John.

“I hate that guy,” Alexander muttered under his breath.

“I thought you said you didn’t know him.”

“Oh, I don’t know him. But I know I hate him.”

It was only day one and he was already making enemies. He hoped this wouldn’t come back to bite him. John was generally nice to everyone and gave second and third chances. After that, no promises. But Alexander seemed to operate on a whole different level. The passion behind his voice was so enticing. Could he love someone as quickly and ferociously as he hated?

_How do you keep getting so much sexier?_

“Well, let’s get home,” John said after a long, awkward moment. He needed to calm himself down. “I’m not sure that Michelangelo onesie will fit you and Hercules needs at least an hour to tailor these things.” He gently ushered Alexander out of the building and into the cold, back to their dorm.

John had a feeling Alexander was not one to let anything go, given the tense smile he gave him.

“I’m excited to spend the night with you, John,” Alexander said sweetly.

 _Oh_ , and how that sentence got John’s mind and body reacting again.

“Me too, Alexander,” John blushed. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cute, right? :D


	3. schuylers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John sees an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The first chapter with two new scenes you haven't seen in (hhh)eoy! There's going to be more of these because as you know, there are a number of scenes in the original fic where John is off doing his own thing and why would I just cut to black, pretend he didn't, then move on? John Laurens' world does not revolve around Alexander Hamilton. :D
> 
> Enjoy!

John Laurens would never forget his first night with Alexander Hamilton. It was nothing like his first night with King George. His very first night in college was awkward and slightly uncomfortable. He could feel George’s leering eyes on him the whole time. It was entirely unwelcome.

But with Alexander, it felt like he was finally _home_.

That night they stayed up watching _Parks and Recreation_ and learning about each other. John learned that Alexander: wanted to be a Senator since he learned what a Senator was (“Imagine a seven year old wanting to grow up to be the next Ted Kennedy.”), grew up in the foster system (“Six families in six years. No time to really develop relationships.”), he moved from the Caribbean when he was 10 (“St. Croix was beautiful.”), and like John, went from zero to furious when people stepped out of line (“I think I sent him a 26 part tweet explaining to him that his understanding of Occupy Wall Street was unfathomably incorrect.”).

John was completely enamored with Alexander. He was so _passionate_ about everything, even in his listening skills. Growing up around his father, John learned that his opinions were not valid. Any thoughts he had were insignificant and useless. But every word out of his mouth seemed precious to Alexander, noting all the moments when John paused or said a word with a particular inflection.

So when his sleepiness was taking over, John fought it. He wanted to stay up forever talking to Alexander. They lay in their respective beds, facing each other. John could barely make out Alexander’s sparkling eyes in the darkness, but he knew they were there.

What felt like moments later, John awoke to the sound of a pen scratching against paper. John glanced at his phone next to him in bed and it was in fact an hour later. John was saddened, knowing he had fallen asleep without wishing his hot new roommate goodnight.

“Alexander?” he mumbled through his grogginess.

“Yes, John?”

“What are you going?”

“Just… writing.”

John chuckled. It was a silly question and a sillier answer. Of course he was writing.

He rolled over. Alexander was sitting up in bed, hunched over, writing by the light of his bedside lamp.

“You weren’t lying when you said you love writing,” John said.

“No, I wasn’t,” Alexander agreed.

John smiled. Alexander was beautiful like this. His tan skin warmed by the amber light. His long dark hair spilling down over his shoulders. His eyes, though tired, still full of life and ambition in the wee hours of the morning. John pulled his covers up to his chin and dreamt the blanket was Alexander spooned up behind him, holding him tight. He took several minutes, drinking in the sight.

“What are you writing about?” John finally asked, his voice feeling loud in the room.

“Writing about you—I mean, my first day here. You were a big part of it and it was so much better than I expected so I didn’t want to forget it—“ Alexander rambled. John laughed softly.

“I won’t forget it.”

_How could I?_

“You won’t?” Alexander’s voice sounded small.

“Nope.”

Alexander finally glanced over to John and he smiled at him.

“You’re different, Alexander,” John admitted. “And I like that.”

He felt another wave of exhaustion overtake him, so he closed his eyes. The last image he saw before sleep was that of Alexander Hamilton, in all his beauty, gazing at him warmly in the light of a bedside lamp.

* * *

John was an early riser. He knew this about himself. He didn’t know how long Alexander intended to sleep on the first day of class, but John hoped he was up early enough for breakfast. It was John’s favorite meal of the day and he wanted to get as much time in with Alexander before he went about his day.

His morning routine was simple: brush teeth, wash face, shower (if he didn’t the night before), get dressed, check Facebook and Twitter, listen to music, and head to breakfast, taking all of his books with him.

Dressed and ready to go, John still found Alexander a huddled lump under his quilt. For a kid who grew up in the Caribbean, John was surprised at how thin his blanket was. January in this region was unkind and brutal, but he supposed they kept the room relatively warm.

He sat at his laptop and opened his music player. Typically, John listened to a variety of R&B music in the morning, ranging from cool Soul to frenetic hip-hop. But this morning, he didn’t know what it was, but he found himself listening to all these _sexy_ songs. Beyoncé, TLC, Nicki Minaj. This playlist never made a regular appearance, but it was the only thing he wanted to listen to.

_Don’t kid yourself, John. You know exactly why you want to listen to this music._

He just didn’t want to admit it to himself. Sure, Alexander came out to him yesterday and everything was okay. But somehow they got back to the room and all plans to come out to Alexander went out the window. He never got the chance. John wasn’t one to blurt things out like he learned Alexander would do. He needed to work it into conversation and let it happen seamlessly.

That, and he was too nervous to tell Alexander.

Sure, telling other queer people was supposed to be easier. But not when that person was Hot Alexander Hamilton From Facebook, the boy John had been lusting after for two weeks, who was sleeping less than six feet from him, who was everything John wanted – and more. He was worried he would disappoint Alexander if anything were to happen. Assuming anything _would_ happen. John was too emotionally invested in Alexander Hamilton without knowing how he felt.

_Some guys are just physically affectionate. I am! Alexander could be! That’s a thing, right?_

He found himself scrolling through Alexander’s Facebook page, one he now had unlimited access to since they friended each other, and trying his hardest not to like every single photo and status update. Because he was so amazing. So unbelievable. So _sexy._

It was a word that plagued John’s mind that morning and his body was starting to respond. John could feel warmth pooling in his groin, his cock twitching in interest as he clicked through Alexander’s photos. Without thinking, John reached down and gently palmed himself, heat growing beneath his jeans. He found a photo of Alexander where he was giving the camera a very particular smolder that _Christ_ John wanted for himself—

“Beyoncé so early?”

John nearly jumped out of his skin. He was so lost in Alexander’s page that he had nearly forgotten the man in question had yet to actually wake up. And while he was listening to Beyoncé’s “End of Time” of all songs.

_Be gayer for Alexander, John. Seriously._

He scrambled to turn his music down.

“I’m so sorry! I was trying to play it as quietly as possible. I just, uh, um, really like music to, uh, pump me up in the morning. But if you want to sleep a little longer I can—“

Alexander sat up, rubbed at his eyes, and smiled.

“John, it’s okay. Beyoncé is allowed at any time of day. Besides, maybe it’s best I’m up now for my first day of classes.”

John watched Alexander get up and wander to his closet, hoping he didn’t turn around and see what John was looking at. He hoped Alexander didn’t think too deeply into why John was listening to Beyoncé so early, creeping on his Facebook page, or gazing with yearning eyes.

“I’m going to shower, then we can go for breakfast?” Alexander asked as he grabbed his shower caddy and towel. John nodded dumbly and patiently waited for Alexander to finally leave the room before shutting his laptop and getting up from his desk. He needed to cool off.

_Don’t think about Alexander. Don’t think about how he’s definitely naked in the shower right now. DON’T DO IT._

**To Marquis de Lafayette** : _I almost jacked off with Alexander in the room._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _I masturbate all the time with my roommate in the room. And?_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _You’re not in love with your roommate!_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Love?????_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _FORGET I SAID ANYTHING._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _John loves Alexander! John loves Alexander! John loves Alexander!_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _ugh. Can you go text your boy instead?_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _That’s a little pointless since Daddy’s sleeping next to me. <3 <3 <3_

John groaned and threw his phone down on his bed. Now he needed Alexander to get back to the room so he could scrub his conversation with Lafayette out of his brain. He’d never met Lafayette’s boy, but at this rate he needed to, just to finally have a face and name to put to the nickname that made him so uncomfortable.

He closed Facebook and opened his email.

_Better check before classes in case…_

There was an email from Henry Laurens.

 

> **From: hlaurens1724@gmail.com**
> 
> **To: john.laurens@kings.edu**
> 
> _Jack,_
> 
> _You need to speak to your advisor. I already left her a voicemail explaining that you’ll be making the change to pre-law. Get it out of your head that social work and wage activism is a viable career choice. I am not having my son ruin our legacy at that school. People know me there, Jack. I give a lot of money to that school, including your tuition. So it is in your best interest to do as I say and drop this martyr fantasy you have. You’ll get yourself killed._
> 
> _Also, I hope you do not have any altercations with this new roommate. While I am relieved you did not participate in any depraved activities with him, I would like to remind you that I am very angry I had to hear about it from your dean. I do not appreciate hearing about my son’s sexual encounters from a third party._
> 
> _Best,_
> 
> _Henry_

If there was anything who could kill a boner faster than actually having an orgasm, it was John’s father. It only reminded him that he needed to focus on his studies. He couldn’t have silly crushes on boys because his father would find out and pull all funding. John would be unable to get a degree, let alone in one he actually wanted, if his father stopped paying for school. He couldn't think about falling in love with Alexander because his whole future hung in the balance.

By the time Alexander returned dressed and ready from his shower, John had put up mental blinders to even the possibility of anything happening with Alexander. His father's overwhelming presence was back to breathing down his neck.

They left in companionable silence down to the cafeteria.

“Do people not appreciate a well-balanced breakfast?” Alexander asked, noting the lack of students in the dining hall.

“A lot of people eat in their dorms,” John replied absently. He did that a couple times per week. He didn’t have the biggest meal plan and sometimes just wanted to sleep in, past when breakfast was served, and still wanted a bowl of Cap’n Crunch.

John sped through the food court, only grabbing what he knew would settle in his stomach that morning, and found a booth close where Alexander could spot him. Alexander, in true fashion, emerged with his tray stacked high with every food imaginable. John would have found it endearing if his heart wasn’t already distancing itself.

Alexander sat down with him and asked, “Are you okay, John?”

_Great. He can tell._

“Oh, I’m just not ready for the semester to start,” John explained sadly. “And my dad emailed me this morning and said I should talk to my adviser about changing majors. He doesn’t think social work is profitable and he’d rather me do pre-law.” Alexander gripped his fork tightly and stabbed at his pancakes.

“Don’t listen to him,” Alexander said boldly. “He doesn’t know who you are if he’s suggesting that. It’s an outrageous demand for a son he shipped off to Europe and never got to know. I know I haven’t met him, but from what you’ve told me he should learn to keep his fucking mouth shut about things he doesn’t know two shits about and a son he barely fucking knows.”

He was right. _God,_ Alexander was right. John finally looked up from his waffle and it was like staring into the sun. Alexander was so bright.

“What?” Alexander asked, confused.

“You’ve never even met my dad and just said everything I feel about him,” John said. He still couldn’t believe how Alexander seemed to take the words right out of his mind.

“But I know you,” Alexander said simply.

“We only just met yesterday, Alexander,” John reminded him. But he felt the same. It should have freaked him out how grossly in sync they were in less than 24 hours, but wow, it didn’t. He was so at ease with Alexander. He wanted to drown in the comfort of their relationship.

“Well, yeah, but I like you a lot and I’d hate to see you give up something you’re so passionate about in favor of what your douchebag dad wants,” Alexander added strongly. John made a bold move and placed his hand over Alexander’s on the table. The heat from his hand was like a jolt to the system. John didn’t know how much he _missed_ his touch already.

“I appreciate it,” John murmured sweetly. “And I like you too.”

He held onto Alexander’s hand for a little longer, perhaps a little too long, but Alexander didn’t seem to mind. John thought he even saw the faintest of blush on his cheeks, but it could’ve been the light. He pulled his hand back to properly dig into his food.

They finished eating in near silence, just enjoying the energy at the table. Alexander kept glancing up at him and it amused John greatly.

_Is Alexander as enamored with me as I am with him?_

John imagined a future where he and Alexander were dating, and eating breakfast together in their breakfast nook in their apartment. John would make a delicious meal while Alexander read the paper to him. Then they’d eat and play footsie under the table and kiss over their food and shower together and are late to work because of one last quickie…

_Good fantasy._

John couldn’t stop smiling at the thoughts.

After they’d exited the dining hall, John and Alexander stood in the lobby, awkwardly glancing at each other, until John finally said, “Well, I have to get to class.”

“Oh?”

“Child Welfare Policy and Practice.”

“But that sounds great!” Alexander said encouragingly. “Don’t think about what your dad said in that email. It’s what you’re meant to do.”

_I can only think about you._

John shook his head and finally met Alexander’s eyes.

“Oh, right, yeah. My dad,” John answered. He was so distracted being this close to Alexander Hamilton again. His eyes drifted downward, staring at Alexander’s lips, dreaming about leaning forward and giving him a goodbye kiss.

_One day._

“But I’ll see you in Political Behavior lecture?” Alexander asked, breaking John out of his reverie.

“That you will!” John said cheerfully.

And he had to go for it. He had to feel Alexander’s body.

John reached out and hugged him, aching for the solid form of the man in front of him. He felt Alexander’s arms come around him and he wanted this moment to never end. John tucked his face in Alexander’s neck, smelling his coconut body wash. The clean boy smell was possibly John’s favorite scent in the world. He could’ve stayed there for hour holding Alexander and breathing him in.

But he did have to get to class.

He patted Alexander on the back, signaling the need to part. He drew back and started for the door.

“I’ll see you later!” John said as he waved back to Alexander.

He couldn’t wait to see him later.

* * *

Child Welfare Policy and Practice was a medium-sized lecture held in one of the lecture halls of the physics building. It was odd to John that it was in Van Allen, but the Social Work department didn’t have a dedicated lecture hall in its building. It wasn’t nearly as odd as the class he had in the engineering building the year before. He got lost every day the first month of the school year. They also had to evacuate the building too many times for a Women’s Studies elective.

John walked into the lecture hall and hoped to find at least a few of the other students he met the previous semester. There was nothing worse than having a class in your major and still not knowing a single person in the room.

But the back of a woman’s head – long, dark, straight hair with a seafoam green knit cap – told him he wasn’t alone. John bounded down the lecture hall stairs to the sixth row.

“Well, if it isn’t Eliza Schuyler,” John beamed as he sat quickly into the seat next to her. Eliza squealed and threw her arms around him.

“John Laurens! Oh my god!” she said. “I didn’t think you were in this class!”

“Sorry I didn’t tell you,” he apologized, “but thought you took this last semester.”

“Oh, no,” she corrected him. “That was Child _Development_ Policy and Practice. You’d think with so many classes they’d think to give them super different names.” John laughed.

He really liked Eliza. She was one of the smartest people he’d met in college and by far one of the most patient. They were in volleyball club together and if you asked either of them, John was a nightmare on the court. They made team shirts and his was ‘Hulk’. John had a tendency to be a calm, subdued Bruce Banner off the court but would lash out and yell and be an overall monster on the court. Most people forgave him afterward because he was a phenomenal player and knew it wasn’t totally him out there. Eliza turned out to be one of the few people in the club who could sensibly talk to him when he was in volleyball mode. He once started yelling at her for a missed volley and Eliza rightfully put him in his place. She was then on referred to as ‘Betty Ross’. (Though her volleyball nickname was officially ‘Boom Dynamite’.)

That, and she was just the sweetest.

“How’s the new roommate?” she asked, tapping her pen on her desk.

John had to do everything in his power to not just _gush_ over Alexander Hamilton.

“He’s wonderful,” John sighed. “A thousand times better than George. First of all, doesn’t leer at me from across the room. Secondly, so smart. So unbelievably smart. And passionate. And we have so much in common. Politics, music, taste in TV shows…”

_He likes men. I also happen to like men. More specifically **him**._

“He sounds great, John,” Eliza smiled. “Is he cute?”

John gaped at her.

_Does she know?_

“I—uh—yeah,” John choked out. “Yeah, you could say he’s cute.”

_Fucking sexy as hell, more like it._

“You’ll have to introduce me sometime,” she said, winking at him. John gave her an awkward thumbs-up. Eliza laughed loudly.

“I missed you, John Laurens,” she sighed. “You’ve really loosened up from last semester. Did you have a good winter break?”

Just then, their professor stepped up to the podium and spoke into the microphone, “Alright, everyone, I want to start class today by passing out the syllabus…”

John let out a huge sigh of relief. He was in a good mood from a wonderful breakfast with Alexander and having a class with Eliza. He was not prepared to recount his time home so soon.

Suffice to say, John spent the entire lecture doodling in his notebook. He felt like a teenage girl, writing ‘Mr. John Hamilton’ and ‘Mr. & Mr. Alexander Hamilton’ in different fonts all over his syllabus, but his mind was high on Alexander and he never wanted to come down. Eliza glanced over periodically to see what he was writing and he quickly covered it, hoping she never saw.

* * *

John’s second class of the day, The Criminal Justice System, was a class he had with Hercules in a smaller classroom in MacBride Hall, a building on the quad. It wasn’t a lecture, so John knew he had to pay attention. It would be nice to see Hercules and keep his mind off of Alexander Hamilton.

“Hey, man,” Hercules greeted him as he approached his desk. They slapped five as John took a seat next to him. “How’s it going?”

“Great,” John smiled. “Alexander and I had breakfast this morning, then I found out Eliza Schuyler is in my Child Welfare lecture.”

“Oh?” Hercules asked. “The girl from your volleyball team? The defensive outside hitter?”

John wrinkled his brow and stared at Hercules. He had been to _one_ of John’s tournaments last semester for like, half a game.

“Yes,” he drawled suspiciously. “Yes, that’s Eliza Schuyler.”

“She’s cute,” Hercules said nonchalantly. “You gonna tap that?”

John nearly threw up in his mouth. He loved Eliza, but the thought of dating a woman made him a little ill. But he remembered Hercules didn’t know.

“Uh, no,” John chuckled. “I’m not gonna tap that.”

Hercules grunted in acknowledgement. John couldn’t help but stare at him curiously.

* * *

It was time to meet Alexander at Intro to Political Behavior lecture and John was nearly bouncing with joy. He couldn’t wait to see Alexander. There wasn’t much to fill him in on in the few hours they were apart, but John wanted to tell him everything regardless.

John lingered near the doorway to their lecture, his face buried in his phone. He’d glance up from time to time to check for his gorgeous roommate.

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _omg Daddy wants to take me camping this weekend. <3 <3_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _Can you stop calling him that? Why can’t you just use his name?_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _But that’s what he wants me to call him!_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _I’m sure he has a real name._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Have you stopped referring to Hamilton as ‘Hot Alexander Hamilton From Facebook’?_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _Yes!_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Did you have a nice time with ‘roommate bonding’ last night?_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _Yes. We had a lovely time NOT HAVING SEX._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _One day you will have real ‘roommate bonding’ and I am going to scream for joy and you are going to send me pictures._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _NO._

John glanced up and saw Alexander waving to someone down the hallway. He didn’t catch a glimpse before they rounded the corner.

“Hey.”

Alexander turned quickly, letting his hair whip around his face.

_How are you just so beautiful?_

“I just met Eliza Schuyler,” Alexander beamed. John was surprised – and a little bummed he missed seeing her again.

“How sweet is she?” he asked.

“She was such a dear. I even got digits,” Alexander flaunted, holding up his phone.

John’s heart plummeted to the deepest depths of his soul.

“Really?”

Of course Alexander would meet a girl. He would meet gorgeous, sweet, smart, brave, patient, loving Eliza Schuyler who would be perfect for him. If she could tamper John Laurens at his worst, she could tame Alexander Hamilton.

God, and he was so _excited_ to get her phone number, too.

“Yeah, we’re going to hang out soon and dish the dirt on you,” Alexander taunted. He choked out a laugh in response to his heart breaking.

“Great.”

John wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole.

Yet, Alexander’s fingers gently took his and led him toward the lecture hall. His warm skin made John nearly sob. He couldn’t take the kind gesture after Alexander stomped on his heart like that. But he would take anything he could get from his Alexander Hamilton.

“C’mon, we have to find a couple good seats,” Alexander smiled sweetly. John couldn’t bring himself to hold his hand like they did yesterday. He just couldn’t. Relief swept through him when Alexander let go of his hand when they were inside.

Alexander led them to a pair of seats that John thought might be good. Given the previous reviews of the class, John hoped he could stay awake. But with this creeping headache and heartache, a nap sounded great.

* * *

John barely made an attempt to stay awake. His nausea in thinking about Alexander dating Eliza Schuyler kept him dancing between consciousness and unconsciousness. He couldn’t focus for the first ten minutes of lecture because he couldn’t stop imagining their wedding and how much it would hurt to be Alexander’s best man and—

There was a tap on his leg.

Alexander slid a note over to him.

_Olive branch?_

_Dear Laurens, would you like me to record this professor’s lecture as so you can program it into your sleep machine for tonight?_

John snorted with laugher. It was not what he was expecting to be written down. But he couldn’t help but fall in love with Alexander’s sense of humor. He picked up his own pen and scrawled a response.

_Alexander, that would be most appreciated. It will be helpful in assisting me to sleep as my new roommate snores like a freight train and keeps me up at night with his incessant writing._

He slid it back over to Alexander who smiled adorably.

_Laurens, I am offended you would make such an outrageous accusation pertaining to my snoring. I had surgery in 2011 for sleep apnea so I know your allegations are unfounded. But you are absolutely in your right about the incessant writing._

_Alexander, I do apologize for the claims against your snoring. I’m simply not used to sharing a room with an absolute gentleman and scholar. Especially when he exercises his scholarly pursuits after bedtime._

_Laurens, We’ve only known each other for a day. I normally expect at least dinner before I show a man my scholarly pursuits._

All the air left John’s lungs.

Alexander Hamilton was _flirting_ with him.

How had he been so _blind?_

He wrote quickly, noticing they only had a few minutes left.

_Alexander, I suppose then it might be too soon to tell you that I think I’m in love with you. (And I would love to take you to dinner if it meant seeing your scholarly pursuits.)_

_I’m so glad I met you._

“Okay, everyone, the next class gets in here pretty quick, so we have to leave—“ the professor announced. He didn’t have enough time to write down everything he wanted to say to Alexander. He wanted to flirt back, tell Alexander he was gay too, that they could go home and make out for hours.

Instead, John shoved the paper in a folder and hoped he’d remember to give it to Alexander later.

They stood to exit the lecture hall when he turned to him and asked, “Home, Alexander?”

“Lead the way,” Alexander answered, his eyes honeyed and warm.

John needed to tell Alexander. And soon. Before his heart burst out of his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sweet boy~~~~ Hope you enjoyed it!


	4. secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John shares a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go, ya'll! Another installment of (raise a glass to) freedom. Another scene we didn't see in the original fic. It's a little on the short side, but enjoy it nonetheless!

John was on Cloud Nine by the time dinner rolled around that night. He concluded Alexander was absolutely flirting with him and he wanted to scream with joy. Lafayette and Hercules could have been discussing the mating patterns of softshell tortoises, a topic John _loved_ , but he was not paying attention. Not when Alexander, who was sitting next to him, kept glancing so coyly at him.

“I just think you need to be open to the idea—“

“Lafayette, instead of insisting I need to think of one, why don’t you actually suggest something—“

It was risky, but John couldn’t stop himself. He lightly ran a finger against the outer seam of Alexander’s jeans, the rough fabric catching under his fingernail. There was no way Alexander couldn’t feel it.

_But he isn’t responding!_

He wasn’t sure what he wanted Alexander to respond with. He didn’t know if he wanted Alexander to hold his hand, or kiss him, or just _press_ him into the bench seat. But the glances weren’t cutting it for John.

He bravely ventured his fingers to the top of Alexander’s thigh where he felt the muscle tense beneath his touch.

_There it is._

The excitement and covertness of his actions made him lightheaded.

“I am not being called out right now, Hercules—“

Alexander coughed and it frightened John, so he pulled back his hand. Was he doing something wrong? Something unwanted? Was he being too forward?

_Oh god, was I misreading the situation **again**?_

“Yes?” Lafayette asked.

“Oh, no, sorry. Just coughing.”

The dazed sound to Alexander’s voice made him realize that his touch was more than welcome. He couldn’t help but giggle.

“Anyway, Hercules, you need—“ Lafayette began again, haughtily turning to his friend.

“Lafayette, I swear to god—“

John had heard this conversation about seven times before. Hercules and Lafayette had a habit of disagreeing on a number of issues and never found resolution. They’d run circular conversations that made John nauseous.

“Gentlemen,” he interrupted. “Why don’t we take the time to sleep on it? We can come back together tomorrow with ideas on what to rename our group. There was simply a motion to change the name, not necessarily to what that name should be.”

That _never_ worked.

“Didn't think that would work,” John said as an aside to Alexander who chuckled in response. John checked his watch for what was the sixth time that night. He had a night class and wanted to spend as much time with Alexander – his _friends_ – before having to leave.

“Well, I hate to do this, but I have to get to class,” he said sadly. Alexander shot him a panicked look. John didn’t understand it. He had spent time with Lafayette and Hercules before today and could handle the rest of dinner with them. Lafayette often came on a bit strong at first, but Hercules usually mellowed them out with his effortless chill.

He slowly slid out of the booth, feeling a cool rush of air against his leg where Alexander was pressed against it. John didn’t want to leave, but his class was a required course for his major with Charles Lee, a noted blowhard in the department who only got to his position because he knew a guy.

“Have fun,” Hercules said plainly.

“Night classes blow,” Lafayette scoffed. “Lee needs to figure out no one wants to take his Intro to Political Communications class late at night.”

“See you later,” John said regretfully. He didn’t want to leave Alexander. He thought maybe after his class they could go back to their room and John could put his whole hands all over Alexander’s legs…

He left the cafeteria and headed to his lecture, fantasizing about those same muscular thighs.

* * *

Charles Lee was a T.A. that no one in the department liked. His skills were feeble at best, which was why he was probably stuck with the introductory course every student had to take. He couldn’t handle more difficult information.

He was also a guy John’s dad helped hire before John arrived at school.

So now there were _two_ reasons John hated Charles Lee.

During Lee’s lecture, which John was proud to say he only interrupted him four times by the halfway point, John’s phone buzzed, text messages from his friends blowing up his phone.

Okay,  _just_ Lafayette.

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _We may have screwed up._

John’s stomach dropped.

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _We were trying to warn Ham about George_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _and how he was only using you for sex_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** _: and that you really want more than that_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** _: and **I** was just trying to make sure he wasn’t going to do the same._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _because I know how much you ~love~ him._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _but Hercules was there_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** :  _and I wasn’t about to out you to both him and Ham_

 **Fro** **m** **Mar** **quis** **d** **e** **Lafayette** : _but I think he made it worse_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _and Ham took it the wrong way._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Ham spoke very highly of you, btw._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _But I don’t think he likes us very much right now._

That was the _last_ time John was going to leave Alexander alone with the two of them.

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _You had to put your foot in your mouth._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _What does that mean?_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _How have you not_ _heard that before? You do it all the time._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _It means you said something you shouldn’t have._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Oh, yes. That’s something that definitely happened._

“Mr. Laurens?”

John looked up from his phone to Lee, who was leaning pompously against the podium at the front of the small lecture hall.

“Charles?” John responded in the same prissy tone Lee used on him.

“Would it perhaps behoove you to pay attention when you’re not hell-bent on interrupting me?”

He wanted to shoot Lee in the mouth. John dropped his feet from where they were propped up on the seat in front of him. He sat up straight in his seat.

“It’s amazing how when I’m not actively interrupting your weak academia, you _still_ find a way for me to interrupt your weak academia,” John said neatly. He looked dead at Lee.

_Kick me out. I dare you._

Lee shifted uncomfortably.

“Put the phone away, Mr. Laurens,” he said shortly.

John steeled his jaw and sank down in his seat, propping his feet up once again. He held up his phone in a very obvious manner with no intent of putting it away. Lee coughed, getting John’s attention once more.

“Go on,” he said airily, gesturing for Lee to continue. “I won’t interrupt you if you don’t interrupt me.”

Lee seethed as he turned to his next slide.

 **To Hercules Mulligan** : _Please tell me you found dirt on Lee._

 **From Hercules Mulligan** : _Other than he’s an idiot? Nope._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _If you screwed things up for me with Alexander, I will ruin your life._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _:(_

Lee wrapped up his horrendous lecture 10 minutes early and John was more than relieved to leave. Knowing he was leaving an unending duel and heading home to his smoking hot roommate who _definitely_ flirting with him. Maybe John could convince him to make-out a little before bed.

 **To My Alexander** : _Almost home! <3_

* * *

John took a deep breath before he opened their door. Alexander was hunched over his desk, scribbling away in a journal John had only seen at bedtime. It was a posture he was certain he’d see Alexander in for days to come.

“Honey, I’m home!” he called out sweetly. Alexander looked up from his work and John’s heart melted. The warm look in his eyes was a sight John wanted to come home to forever.

“Hey, how was class?”

“Not as bad as Lafayette made it sound at dinner,” John answered. “The material is really interesting, but Lee’s an idiot. I’m glad he’s a T.A. and not a professor. Makes it easier to argue with him when he makes outlandish statements.”

He stood at his closet and began taking off his clothes to get into his pajamas. As soon as he started pulling off his shirt, Alexander whipped around, suddenly very interested in his journal again. John’s heart dropped. He was somewhat hoping Alexander _would_ watch him change, to see what he looked like, to flaunt the body he worked very hard to maintain.

But he remembered what Lafayette and Hercules warned Alexander about.

_They ruin **everything**._

“Anyway,” John sighed, “what did you do while I was out? Did you hang out with Lafayette and Hercules?”

“Uh, no. I came back here and Eliza Schuyler came over.”

“Oh.”

He sat down on his bed, pulling his bag in with him.

 _That’s_ why he was being weird. He wasn’t joking about getting her number. Alexander Hamilton was just a flirt. He liked leading people on and making them feel like they were the only one in the world and making them _fall in love with him_ —

“Nothing happened,” Alexander said quickly. “I just needed to talk to her about something important.”

“What’s going on?” John asked, sitting up a little more in his bed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

What did Alexander need to talk to Eliza about that he couldn’t talk to John about? Had they really gotten that close in the short time? Considering how close he got with John so quickly, that was certainly a possibility.

“Not right now?” Alexander answered. He sounded pained, like the mere thought of bringing it up was far too difficult. “It’s nothing bad, John. It’s just something I have to figure out on my own.”

It still made him worry.

“Gotcha,” he said. “Well, when you’re ready, just know that I’m always here for you.”

He pulled out his books and spread them out across his lap and bedspread to get started on the bullshit reading for Lee’s class.

His mind kept going back to Alexander. Why did he need to talk to _Eliza Schuyler_ of all people? Not that Eliza wasn’t wonderful for problem solving. She was. She had helped John out of a few pickles last semester. Was he questioning if he was bisexual and just straight? Was he going to drop out of school? _Was he going to ask for a room change?_

“Hey John,” Alexander called from across the room. He sounded calmer than earlier, more conversational and friendly.

“What’s up?”

“I was thinking about going to the Spectrum meeting tomorrow night,” Alexander said. “Would you be interested in coming with me?”

 _Oh no_.

Lafayette had tried so very hard to get John to go to Spectrum last semester. The thought of walking into a room of people and just by his mere _presence_ announcing he was gay was horrifying to John.

“Allies are welcome, so I thought you could come with and be my ally, you know, since I’m... yeah,” Alexander added unsurely. John gulped.

He knew allies were allowed, and Lafayette promised he would introduce John as an ally if anyone asked and that it was a safe space and no one would out him. But if someone John knew – or his _dad_ knew – saw him even approach the LGBT Center, he would be dead. It didn’t matter how supportive the environment would be. John was still terrified.

“Uh, um, I, uh, have intramural volleyball that night,” John finally got out.

It wasn’t a lie. He really did have volleyball. It was his greatest excuse on Wednesday nights because Lafayette knew how important volleyball was to him. His friends cowered on the weeks John didn’t have practice because the anger he got out during the game was released on them. It was for everyone’s best interest that John went to volleyball.

And definitely not Spectrum.

“Oh,” Alexander said, disappointment coloring his voice. “That’s okay. I just thought I’d ask.”

It was now or never. Here was his chance. His opportunity in conversation to tell Alexander the truth.

“And I’m not really ‘out’ yet,” John murmured.

Alexander turned in his swivel chair and looked straight at John. He seemed as though all the air was knocked out of his lungs.

“I’m sorry what?” he asked.

John took a deep breath. He felt his emotions bubbling in his throat.

“I’m gay.”

And then the _tears_ starting flowing and he couldn’t stop.

He had told literally one other person – Lafayette – and this certainly didn’t happen.

Alexander, ever the considerate one, climbed into bed with him, shoving his paperwork aside to sit next to him.

“Hey,” he said sweetly. “It’s okay.”

John drifted unconsciously to Alexander, seeking comfort. He rested his cheek on Alexander’s shoulder, wishing the tears would stop.

“It’s okay, John,” Alexander whispered. He could feel his warm breath against his scalp. It made John turn his face to breathe in Alexander’s scent to remind himself that he was taking comfort in a _man_ whom he _loved._ A man whom his father would 100% disapprove of.

“It’s not, though,” John said replied, his lips brushing against Alexander’s shirt.

“Why not?”

“Because,” John said as he lifted his face from Alexander’s shoulder, “while I know being gay isn’t the end of the world, my dad thinks it is.”

He pulled at an errant string on his shorts. He couldn’t bear to look at Alexander, a man who was so proud to be bisexual and queer. John wasn’t nearly as brave.

“And if I were to come out, he’d disown me,” John continued. “He’d stop paying for college and I don’t know what I’d do. I have nowhere to go, no savings, and I’d have to give up all of my dreams. He’d cut me off from everything, including the rest of my family. I want to be myself, be proud, openly fall in love, but I just... can’t right now.”

_I want to fall in love with you loudly. I want to scream from the rooftops how in love I am with Alexander Hamilton._

“I tried doing the secret relationship thing. My last roommate and I... well, we did stuff together. And I liked it. I liked it a lot. But he was seeing someone and was just letting me experiment with him. He wanted to go further, and I was about to let him, but then I heard my father saying, ‘You disgusting, worthless fag.’ I accidentally punched my ex-roommate in the face when I ran out of the room.”

He failed as a gay man. He couldn’t even do a secret relationship right. Gay men did that for _centuries_ before now, hiding their love away, and John couldn’t even do that. He was too ashamed, carried too much baggage.

“If I could punch your dad in the face, I would,” Alexander said angrily.

John chuckled. Oh, how he would pay to see that. The man he loves punching the man he hates.

“I wish I knew what to say. I came out as soon as I knew what the word ‘bisexual’ was. Just up and told my foster family that I was bisexual, end of discussion. They kind of already knew, so it was just confirming what they already believed,” Alexander tried. It didn’t really work, but John knew the sentiment was there.

But when Alexander took his hand in his and laced their fingers together, John saw just how _beautiful_ they could be together. How perfectly they fit. He choked back a sob at how much he _ached_ for this forever.

“One day, you’ll be able to be your whole self, your father be damned. You can give that bastard a big ‘fuck you’ and make-out with super cute boys and get married to the love of your life and not invite your dad to your wedding because _fuck him_ ,” Alexander said warmly. With every example, John could only imagine him and Alexander. Making out. Getting married. He wanted all of that.

 _Oh god, marrying Alexander Hamilton_.

He squeezed Alexander’s hand and smiled, gazing over at the smart and kind man beside him. Alexander’s eyes flickered down to his lips and _oh_ , how John wanted to do that. But not now. Not when he was like this.

“Thank you, Alexander.”

“Any time, John,” Alexander replied. He clapped his other hand on top of their joined hands, then asked cheerily, “I’m going to boil some water. You want some tea?”

“Tea sounds wonderful, Alexander,” he sighed happily. He was momentarily sad when he realized Alexander had to let go of his hand to start the kettle, but was certainly enjoying the view.

He was proud of himself for telling Alexander. He could come out to Hercules and Eliza, too. That would be easy. One day he could work up to coming out to his father. It would need to happen. John couldn’t live this lie until his deathbed, pretending he was just a man who preferred the life of a bachelor. He could love, with his whole heart, and be loved. His father would have to find out eventually.

But right now, he just wanted to stare at Alexander’s ass as he prepared their tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's so in loooooove. <3 Thanks for reading!


	5. opportunities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John seizes new opportunities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the chapter that made me change the rating. Whoops. I didn't go into this thinking I was gonna write any smut but here we are. This chapter was much longer than I had originally anticipated and I'm really happy it is.
> 
> Enjoy two brand new scenes in this chapter! Woohoo!

It was another late night with Alexander: drinking tea, working on homework, basking in the closeness of their friendship. Or whatever it was. John itched to hold Alexander’s hand again. But seeing as it was his fault they had more reading than usual in Lee’s course, he figured he needed to focus on it as to not make the entire class hate him. Alexander was so sweet the whole night, brewing him cup after cup of tea until they both passed out around 2am.

When John awoke, he glanced over at Alexander’s empty bed. It seemed odd to him that Alexander would have elected for a class earlier than 9am given his erratic sleep schedule, but to each his own he supposed. Especially after staying up so late with no homework. He was writing his own work, but whenever John asked him what he was working on, Alexander always say ‘It’s nothing.’ and blush.

That blush, though. It sat high on Alexander’s cheeks and lit up his face. Even with the dark circles from lack of sleep his face looked so youthful with that faint pink illuminating his features. He was just so gorgeous and wonderful. How did John get so lucky to find such an amazing roommate and friend?

Though with each passing day John found it harder and harder to keep Alexander in the ‘friend’ category. He ached to solidly label Alexander as his boyfriend or partner or significant other or lover. But ‘friend’ felt so arbitrary. Lafayette was his friend. Hercules was his friend. Eliza was his friend. But Alexander was so much more. He was just…

John had a hard time finding the words to perfectly describe how he felt about Alexander Hamilton. Maybe those words didn’t exist. ‘Love’ didn’t feel strong enough. His whole being _ached_ for Alexander Hamilton. He could listen to Alexander talk all day and never grow bored. He longed for Alexander’s gaze, his words, his touch.

Oh, how John yearned for his touch. He was at his wit’s end having to stare at Alexander’s mouth without being able to kiss him. Sure, Alexander spoke beautifully and was incredibly articulate, but John wanted to just lean over and seal his mouth over Alexander’s for hours. Last night, he could have. He could have kissed him, then thrown a leg over Alexander’s lap and straddled him. Felt his whole body under his. Run his hands on his chest, up his neck. Grind his dick into Alexander’s and _feel_ what he was packing beneath.

_Oh._

His body really was waking up.

John glanced over at Alexander’s empty bed and realized that Alexander wouldn’t be back for _hours_. He could already feel his skin tingling from anticipation, his body waking up. His cock was stirring, the heat in his groin growing steadily.

He stretched, his feet just barely poking out from the end of his comforter. Today was John’s latest day, his first class at 10:30. He could get breakfast, watch the latest episodes of _Last Week Tonight_ , take his time getting ready for the day.

 _He could take his time_.

John let out a long moan as he ran his hand down his clothed chest to his basketball shorts where he palmed at his hard cock through the fabric. The silky fabric felt heavenly against his heated skin. He gently lifted the waistband up and over his dick where it flopped against his belly, the head straining up toward his navel. John fisted his cock loosely, the thick flesh pulsing beneath his fingertips.

John knew he was a big boy. Teenage curiosity with a tape measure led him to discover that he was indeed larger than average. When he showered with the other boys in the locker room, he wasn’t embarrassed. He didn’t think he was a freak. God, he _loved_ having a huge cock. It made him feel _powerful._ It could have just been porn, but men with large cocks were _worshipped._ John wanted to be one of those men. He pictured Alexander doing this: taking his cock in hand, stroking the soft skin, fingering the round head. He imagined Alexander, his bold and daring Alexander, on his knees, begging to suck John’s cock, choke on his cock.

It could have been the porn and his lack of experience, but John craved to pin Alexander down and fuck him into oblivion. He envisioned himself like the men who had similar sized cocks in porn. He wanted to be dominant, in control, commanding. John craved to hear Alexander beneath him moaning wantonly for John’s huge cock to split him open.

(Maybe John watched too much porn.)

The heat was getting too intense, so John unceremoniously pushed down the blankets, the cooler air of the room refreshing against his skin. He turned his head and looked over at Alexander’s side of the room. He could picture Alexander sitting across the room, stealing coy glances from his bed. His eyes trailed across the floor, where Alexander had left a sweatshirt strewn about.

_I could reach that._

John paused and rolled to the edge of his bed where he flung out a hand and scrabbled for Alexander’s misplaced sweatshirt. He caught the sleeve with his fingertips and hauled the clothing into his bed.

Suddenly, John was bombarded by the overwhelming scent of Alexander Hamilton, a man who up until a few days ago was merely a fantasy. He held the fabric up to his nose and breathed deep. Alexander smelled of coconut body wash and pure _man_.

He couldn’t explain what he did next. John slowly ran his fingers down his cock, past his balls, and pressed a shaking finger against his dry hole. It wasn’t enough to penetrate, just a firm pressure, but it opened up a floodgate in John’s mind. His fantasies suddenly switched with him on his back and Alexander between his legs, driving his cock relentlessly into John’s body.

“Oh _fuck_ ,” John exhaled. That was not an image he was ready for, yet he welcomed it openly. He knew Alexander would take care of him. He would be gentle with John until John gave the go-ahead to plow into him. _God_ , John wanted to be taken and owned by Alexander Hamilton.

John cried out, the pleasure too much, as he rode his dry finger, the tip working itself just inside his body. He bit at Alexander’s hoodie while his other hand was tangled within the fabric itself. His body quaked with the desire to impale himself on Alexander’s hard cock. It was the final flash of Alexander’s face, staring lovingly from above, as he drove his cock into John’s body that did it. John’s muscles tightened and he came, untouched, a long line of come streaking across his chest.

His body twitched as he came down from his orgasm. John brought his hand from between his legs to fist at Alexander’s sweatshirt, smothering his face in Alexander’s scent. He smiled broadly, in complete disbelief at everything that just happened.

It was the most intense orgasm he had ever had.

Wow.

Did he _really_ just do that?

But it was the feeling of wetness on the side of his hand that provided the proof.

John jolted up, inspecting the hoodie.

_Fuck._

John had gotten come on Alexander’s sweatshirt.

And he _panicked._

In record time, John got out of bed, nearly tripping on his basketball shorts around his ankles, and ran over to their sink. He frantically grabbed the dish soap from atop their minifridge and scrubbed at the offending fluid. It wasn’t a lot, just a streak along the hood, but it was enough that it would be noticeable if he left it. It would also be incredibly _rude_ if John left it.

Thankfully, John had a lot of practice getting stains out of fabric. With a father who would embarrass him when he had stained his sheets during the night, John had to learn quickly. In no time, John had cleaned Alexander’s sweatshirt of his morning activities.

He figured he should just put it back on the floor where he found it. It was still a little damp from the water and soap, but John assumed it would be dry by the time Alexander got home.

He’d never be able to look at that hoodie the same again.

John checked the time and figured it was still early enough he could grab breakfast. Even though his session ended in distress, he had to take a minute to relish in the new fantasy he created. He was going to carry those thoughts close to his chest the rest of the day.

* * *

It turned out their schedules were completely opposite on Wednesdays. Every time John was back in the room, there was evidence Alexander had blown through, leaving a whirlwind of papers and clothes in his wake. He even missed dinner with Alexander, as he had volleyball across the river at the rec center. Hillcrest was his best bet for dinner, though he often just stopped at the union’s restaurant for their Chicken Caesar Salad. (It was always a little fresher than the cafeteria’s.)

At 7:30pm, John Laurens found himself on his favorite battlefield: the volleyball court. John was a multi-sport athlete in high school. In the fall he played soccer as a midfielder. In the spring he played lacrosse. But during the winter, a lot of two-sport athletes picked up a third sport to stay in shape. John chose tournament volleyball through a local club. It was his favorite because he wasn’t at school and felt he could fully be himself.

It didn’t hurt there were a lot of cute gay boys who were on the team.

Throughout the season, John wouldn’t openly admit it, but his shorts seemed to get _shorter_ every week. He started with a pair of basketball shorts and ended with a pair of green shorts that did not hide his thunder in the slightest. Not that John was trying. It was popular in that club for the men, queer and not, to wear short shorts to move better and faster. At least, that’s what John told his dad when he was a little too early picking John up from practice during summer league.

Now, all John could think about was wearing the shorts for Alexander. His ass looked fantastic in them, and they showed off his thighs. Not to mention how huge his dick looked in them…

He was leaned over, tying his shoes, thinking about Alexander staring at his junk, when Eliza Schuyler bounded over and sat right next to him.

“Hi John! Did you bring my pads?” she asked cheerfully. She startled John and he jumped in his seat. He reached underneath him to his bag and pulled out two well-worn kneepads.

“There you go!”

Eliza clapped in excitement. She took them from him and slipped them on her legs, securing them over her knees.

“Are you ready for today’s game?” she asked as he sat up, pulling on his own pads, his mind drifting back to Alexander.

“Hello? John?” Eliza chirped, waving her hand in front of his face. He finally looked at her.

“Oh, um,” John responded, trying to remember what she asked. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

“What are you thinking about, dear Laurens?” she queried as she placed a gentle hand on his back.

_Sucking Alexander Hamilton’s dick. You?_

“Nothing,” he said. He couldn’t help the smile that worked its way onto his lips. Eliza’s eyes lit up.

“That is not the smile of nothing! I know that look! I’ve seen it a thousand times on my sisters. Someone has a crush,” she deduced. “Spill! Tell me!”

John opened his mouth, then closed it again. He didn’t know where to start with Eliza. He couldn’t necessarily just out and tell Eliza he was thinking about fucking his beautiful roommate. But he could certainly dance around it. She was friends with Alexander

“It’s someone I just met,” he said coyly. “They’re… they’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met. And gorgeous. And a genius. And just—“ John ran out of words to properly explain Alexander. The words he would use were redundant and didn’t encapsulate exactly how he felt either. He never had such a problem with words until he met Alexander Hamilton. Perhaps, in all of his writing, he was secretly stealing John’s vocabulary, reducing him to just a puddle of goo.

“Ah,” Eliza nodded. She leaned in close and with the biggest grin he’d ever seen, she asked, “It’s Alexander, isn’t it?”

John’s heart thudded rapidly in his chest. He could waste time thinking about how she knew. But _of course_ Eliza Schuyler knew. _Of course_ she did. This was possibly the second smartest person he knew so _of fucking course_ she knew. Alexander probably told her everything they did and talked to her incessantly about how much John was in love with him. He met her eyes with his own.

He waited too long to tell a convincing lie. And the joy in her eyes was too much.

“Yeah,” he breathed, the word barely a whisper. He couldn’t help but smile as hers grew and grew. She squealed loudly, kicking her feet out and flinging her arms around John’s shoulders.

“I’m so happy for you!” she cheered. He hugged her back. If there were a better reaction than that, John wouldn’t have believed it. He effectively came out to Eliza Schuyler and her excitement was infectious.

She drew back and held his hands in hers.

“So does this mean you’re…?”

John gulped.

“Yeah, I’m very gay,” John nodded. He couldn’t believe the amount of relief that swept through him. It could have been her jubilant reaction or just the pure action of coming out to someone, but John couldn’t stop smiling.

“I’m so proud of you, John Laurens,” Eliza said sincerely. The warmth in her eyes soothed him.

“Thank you,” he replied. “But I have to ask. How did you figure it out?”

_Alexander told her. Alexander told her about how flirty we’d been and how I was practically throwing myself at him and—_

“You were writing ‘Mr. John Hamilton’ in your notebook during class,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “You covered an entire page in little hearts around his name.”

 _And I outed myself_.

John hung his head in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, it was just so cute,” she giggled. “You really have it bad, don’t you.”

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” John laughed.

The whistle blew, signaling for them to get on the court. Eliza and John jogged onto the floor together. They met up with their teammates and gave obligatory high-fives and hugs. As they got into position, Eliza leaned over to him and whispered, “I think he’d really love those shorts on you.”

John snorted so hard he had to take a second to learn to breathe.

* * *

Typically, John would have showered after volleyball, changed into his street clothes, and taken the bus home to go immediately to sleep, having left it all on the court. But after coming out to Eliza and winning the game (no thanks to the ref), John didn’t want the night to end. He threw on his sweats, because there was no way he was going outside in the middle of January wearing the tiniest shorts he owned, and headed to the cafeteria

The Late Night Menu was a Wednesday night favorite of the east side students. Burge was the only cafeteria that served all the fried and greasy food one could imagine every week, and John was so grateful it was next door to his dorm building.

Usually he was too tired to even consider eating back all the calories he had lost in the last year in one meal. He’d exit the bus, walk past the building, and just smell all the glorious food being cooked. But tonight, _god_ did it all sound delicious.

He pulled out his phone when he realized it was probably something Alexander hadn’t heard of and he _needed_ to see Alexander.

 **To My Alexander** : _Late night menu in the dining hall! Meet me there?_

 **From My Alexander** : _Anything for you._

 **To My Alexander** : _;D_

His night made him feel bold. Fight him.

Soon, John found himself tucked in a booth, eating the butteriest popcorn he’d ever had as he waited for Alexander to arrive. He pulled out a book out of his bag, _There Are No Children Here_ , and cracked it open.

“Hey.”

_Oh._

John looked up to see his Alexander sitting down across from him with his tray filled with greasy things that looked oh so delicious. He noticed Alexander was wearing the sweatshirt from the morning. The one John had so rudely soiled and would 100% do again. He couldn’t help but smile.

“How was volleyball? Did you win?”

John closed his book.

“We did, but only because I had to fight with the ref on a call she made. She claimed it was some obscure rule, but I’ve been playing volleyball for years now and I’ve never heard of that rule,” he explained. It wasn’t the first time he had fought with Shannon over anything on the court. She was a good person, but he knew she would come up with rules just to keep them from winning.

“And how was Spectrum?” he asked politely.

Alexander took a deep breath.

“Well…” he sighed. “I found out at Spectrum that there is an open LGBT delegate seat specifically designated for a queer student. They’re looking for diversity, which I think is admirable. Turns out, Burr, the guy from the bursar’s office, is looking to run for the seat. He refused to answer any of my questions of what he stood for and why he wanted it. I’m sorry, John, but I refuse to vote for someone who has no beliefs.”

John listened closely as Alexander recounted the meeting to him, down to Burr’s facial expressions.

“So, I’ve decided I’m running for Student Senate,” Alexander finished.

He was so enamored by Alexander’s passion that he forgot Alexander wasn’t actually campaigning.

_I could listen to him for hours._

“Just by how you told that story, I’d vote for you,” John breathed. “But freshmen can’t run for Student Senate. You know that.”

“I’ve already started the outline for the paper I intend to submit to the Student Senate president on why that policy is outdated and limiting.”

_Naturally._

John laughed brightly. Alexander was so perfect.

“What? What’s so funny?” Alexander asked, his eyes crinkled with happiness as he watched John laugh.

_I love you so much._

“You’re so ridiculous, Alexander.”

“What do you mean?”

John held his breath as he slid his fingers across the table to tangle with Alexander’s. The feeling of his warm skin against his was an aphrodisiac John never wanted to give up.

“I mean I love how passionate you are. I don’t doubt you’ll get them to change it. I’m behind you one-hundred percent. Do you need help writing your proposal?”

_Anything to spend more time with you._

“I’ve love your help, John.” Alexander blushed.

“Any time.”

That night, they stayed up into the wee hours of the morning writing Alexander’s proposal. John was proud that they managed to come up with something they could both agree on. Everything John suggested was left in the proposal. He was surprised that Alexander changed nothing. Between the two of them, Alexander had greater prowess with the pen than he but still.

He loved spending the night working with Alexander. They were really getting their flirt on. It seemed John wasn’t the only one who loved light touches. At one point when they were sitting in John’s bed, John had his laptop in his lap and Alexander was leaning over to look. He placed his hand fully on John’s thigh, his fingers tightening the longer he stayed. John imagined Alexander using that hand to spread his legs and take him apart.

At some point, John had laid down in his bed under his covers, closing his eyes. They had finished the proposal and he was _beat_. He was also floating somewhere between Earth and Mars and it was all because of Alexander Hamilton.

He could hear Alexander stirring in his own bed. The room was dark, so John couldn’t fully see what Alexander was doing.

But the sound of blankets rustling quickly was a noise John was _very_ familiar with.

John held his breath as he listened to Alexander masturbate and _holy hell_ was he turned on. Alexander, _his Alexander_ , was jerking himself off while John was in the room. He wanted to hear every sound, every gasp, every movement from across the room to save it for later in the shower.

Yet it was one sound that made John want to cry out.

Alexander breathed out, “ _John_ …”

 _Oh my god_ , _he’s thinking about me while he’s touching his dick. Alexander is thinking about **me**._

Suddenly, the movement stopped.

Why did he stop? Did he come? That quickly? It wasn’t possible. He was just barely starting. Alexander pulled out his phone and the bright light illuminated his face. His pupils were still wide and he still looked so _frustrated_.

Maybe he was looking for something to finish himself off.

John observed Alexander for a while, noting the look of desperation lessening minute by minute. Soon, Alexander was putting his phone away and settling down in his bed. The show was over but John was wide awake. He rolled over, sighing deeply.

He waited another 15 minutes when he heard Alexander’s light snores until he got up and left for the bathroom to shower. John had a bit of a problem to deal with, shower masturbation rules be damned.

* * *

Classes were rough the next day. John was sleep deprived, exhausted, and anxious. He knew Alexander was going to be presenting his argument to the Student Senate in the afternoon, so John just had to get through his morning classes and ditch his afternoon lecture to see Alexander in action.

 **From Eliza Schuyler** : _Where are you? Should I save you a seat? <3_

 **To Eliza Schuyler** : _I’m hoping to catch Alexander’s presentation to the Student Senate._

 **From Eliza Schuyler** : _You support your man!!! <3 <3 <3_

 **To Eliza Schuyler** : _I will! <3 <3 <3_

Imagine John’s disappointment, though, when he discovered it was a closed meeting. He couldn’t go inside and listen to Alexander fight for himself.

Instead, John stationed himself just outside the door of the lecture hall, anxiously tapping on his phone, waiting for the time to pass. He didn’t think he’d be able to see any of Alexander’s debate and it was possibly the biggest disappointment of the day. Well, that and not being able to see Alexander’s dick at 3am. He could hear bits and pieces through the door, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy John.

The doors burst open and Aaron Burr was the first to exit, quickly followed by Alexander Hamilton himself.

_God, he looks so sexy all fired up._

“Alexander!”

He turned to see John and was all smiles. Alexander seemed surprised he was there. He did forget to text him saying he was showing up.

“John, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to hear your debate! Did you get to read from our essay?” he asked excitedly.

“No, didn’t have the chance. It was more of my ticket into the room,” Alexander explained. John was a little disappointed, but understood. “Unlike some people…”

Burr coughed and glared at them from a nearby bench.

“Ugh,” John scoffed. He couldn’t tell whether or not it went well for him in there judging by his reaction. Burr was cool as a cucumber whereas Alexander was bounding with energy.

John knew it was risky, but he was overwhelmed by his lusting for Alexander Hamilton. He took a step closer to Alexander, crowding his space. Alexander seemed to zero in on only John, everything else around them completely forgotten and it made John feel so _alive_.

“Well, at least you knew your opponent going into this. Some people don’t get that chance. And I’m glad our essay got you in the room. You seriously sounded electric up there,” John flirted. He bit his lip, staring at Alexander and basking in the coziness of the space they created for themselves.

It wasn’t nearly enough time when a girl from the inside popped her head out.

“Mr. Hamilton? Mr. Burr? We’re ready for both of you.”

A flash of nervousness overcame Alexander’s face.

“Good luck!”

John wished he could kiss Alexander before he went back in the room and be the traditional politician’s wife for a second. He didn’t care if he cast himself in that role. He _wanted_ to be Alexander’s spouse.

_Slow down, John._

Alexander smiled, turned on his heel, and followed Burr back into the room, leaving John in the hallway by himself once more.

He checked his watch. Ditching his lecture with Eliza was one thing, but ditching his small group discussion was another.

Through the door, he could hear applause. His only guess was that Alexander won his debate. John’s heart swelled with pride. He did it. Alexander Hamilton was one step closer to achieving everything he wanted.

 **To My Alexander; Marquis de Lafayette; Hercules Mulligan; Eliza Schuyler** : _The Airliner for dinner tonight! Alexander won his debate!_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _CONGRATULATIONS, MON AMI!_

 **From Hercules Mulligan** : _Congrats, man!_

 **From Eliza Schuyler** : _Yay Alexander! <3_

 **From My Alexander** : _Thank you, everyone! See you all tonight!_

* * *

The Airliner was a historic restaurant in the downtown area of their small college town. John’s dad had brought him there when he was a small child visiting campus. The food was decent, but the atmosphere was jovial and perfect for celebrating.

Everyone was in a great mood. John itched to hold hands with Alexander, or run his hand over his thigh under the table. Periodically, Eliza would catch his eye and get the _most pleased_ smile on her face. She knew something because she kept glancing between him and Alexander. And it only confirmed his feelings.

Lafayette was telling a story from their weekend, a story John could have lived without hearing, when he noticed Alexander was suddenly very interested in his phone. Perhaps it was Washington from the Student Senate, informing him of some policy regarding the elections.

“Who are you texting?” Hercules asked.

“Burr.”

With every text, John watched Alexander respond with more fervor, his knuckles going white. He could see the wave of anger cresting the more texts Alexander received.

This was meant to be a celebratory dinner. He didn’t want anyone ruining it. Not Burr, not Washington, not anyone.

“Give me the phone, Alexander,” John begged, carefully extracting the phone from Alexander’s fingers. He locked the screen and pocketed the phone.

“What was he saying?” Eliza asked curiously. Alexander shook his head.

“He’s just trying to get in my head. It’s nothing. He’s a sore loser.”

“Amen,” John agreed. Burr was an ass; that was a definite. Whatever he was texting Alexander was unimportant. Tonight was the night. John was going to tell Alexander how he felt about him. He was going to kiss those beautiful lips and taste his sweet mouth. He was going to pull Alexander on top of him and feel his warm body pressed against his. He was to tell Alexander Hamilton just how much he loved him with his body and words.

John reached into Alexander’s lap, gently brushing his fingers against his to tangle them together. But Alexander yanked his hand away. John saw his jaw set and his eyes narrow. He didn’t look in John’s direction for the rest of the meal.

And John’s heart broke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor John. :(


	6. breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John breaks down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone!
> 
> Here it is! The next chapter! First one of the new year. I had a hard time writing this chapter, much like I did writing the chapter from Alex's POV because when the characters are in pain, I'm in pain. I'm also literally fighting a cold right now so it's an extra level of pain. So I apologize if this chapter is kind of wonky.
> 
> And I'm leaving this open ended for now because while I said I was going to stop at this chapter, there's a part of me that wants to do the whole fic. Because what else am I going to do?
> 
> Enjoy!

Dinner ended not with a bang, but a whimper. Alexander was acting strangely the rest of dinner. Something Burr had sent him pushed him into a downward spiral and made him absolutely insufferable. John had yet to see this side of Alexander, the type of man who literally snapped at servers and tapped his silverware incessantly against the tabletop. He picked pointless fights with Lafayette over their verb usage and cluelessness about John’s colloquial “all y’all” that slipped out. He snapped at Hercules when he reached for a napkin that happened to be near Alexander’s plate. Eliza made it out relatively unscathed, though an errant comment about how the waitress was dressed made her steel her gaze at him.

Overall, it was not a good night.

Once they left the restaurant, Alexander had essentially stopped talking. His jaw was clenched and his lips in a permanent scowl. But compared to dinner, John was relieved for the silence.

Alexander had never been so unattractive than he was at dinner.

 _What_ did Burr say to him to make him lash out so badly?

When they got back to the room, Alexander grabbed John’s laptop and started typing away, writing something so fast it made John question his status as human. With only one laptop in the room, John was stuck on his phone, texting Lafayette and Eliza.

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _What’s wrong with Ham?_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _No clue. He won’t tell me what Burr sent him._

 **From Eliza Schuyler** : _Tell Alexander I am so angry with him right now._

 **From Eliza Schuyler** : _He isn’t responding to my texts and I’m very upset at his behavior tonight at dinner. Completely unacceptable._

 **To Eliza Schuyler** : _He isn’t talking to me either. Just writing._

John glanced up from where he was laying in bed to Alexander. His screen was filled with words, an entire document that looked like a single block of text.

He was in for a long night.

But perhaps Alexander was just in a bad mood. Maybe just remembering he had so much to do, that he was running out of time, was getting to him. He only had a week until the elections, so maybe the realization just got to him.

_Yeah. That had to be it._

He just needed a little sweetness to coax him back into his normal self.

John got up from the bed and brewed them a couple cups of instant cocoa. It was John’s expensive cocoa he had shipped from Switzerland when he went backpacking during spring break one year. He had to carefully heat milk in their small electric kettle for the cocoa to be exactly right. He wanted to impress Alexander and, in a tiny part of his brain, prove to Alexander that he would be a good boyfriend, someone who could take care of him in times of stress.

Steadily, John set down a mug of cocoa on Alexander’s desk and braced himself for the worst.

“Are you okay, Alexander?” he asked. “You’ve been very quiet tonight.”

He gingerly placed his hand on Alexander’s shoulder. Alexander flinched at the touch.

“I’m fine, John. Just… Burr,” Alexander growled. He sounded like an entirely different person than the man who he had fallen in love with initially. Angry. Feral.

“Of course,” he replied.

John didn’t know what to do and in an act of impulse, he grabbed the laptop from under Alexander’s hands. Alexander helplessly watched John retreat to his bed where he sat down and created a nest for himself out of blankets and pillows. John was even kind enough to switch to Chrome before reading whatever Alexander was writing.

“Do you want to watch some more _Parks and Rec_ with me? I’ve been told it gets way better in season 3,” he said suggestively, even pulling back the blanket to suggest something more. His original plan had failed, but even just getting Alexander close to him and not thinking about kissing him. Which, okay, John still would have done, but he would have refrained from actually doing it. Unless, of course, Alexander initiated it, then, well, who was John to deny him—

“Not tonight,” Alexander answered. “I’ve got some things to work on for my campaign.”

“Oh, right,” John said. “Okay.” He pulled back the blankets and dug in his nightstand for his headphones. After a moment, Alexander stood and with serious eyes, took the laptop back from John. He returned to his desk without another word.

John was miserable. Alexander told him nearly everything. They had known each other only a few days, but John felt like he knew Alexander’s entire existence up until a few hours ago.

 _Why_ didn’t he tell him what Burr texted? Was it really _that_ bad or was Alexander being overdramatic as he was prone to be?

Did Alexander have a sudden realization that John wasn’t who he wanted? That he had taken it too far at the restaurant? That everything they did was okay when it was private and secret and just them, but in public-public it wasn’t okay?

John plugged his headphones into his phone and stuffed the earbuds into his ears. He flopped down on his bed, rolling himself into his blankets, and faced away from Alexander so he wouldn’t see him crying.

* * *

It was early. John was unfortunately awake for his first class of the day. His eyes stung. His face hurt. His stomach ached. He was in so much pain that John couldn’t even fathom going to his class. So what if it was his discussion for Lee’s class? John knew if he stood up from his bed that he would definitely vomit.

At some point during the night, he had convinced himself that Alexander still wanted him. That this was some sort of mild speed bump. A hiccup.

But it didn’t taking away the gnawing pain of being rejected so harshly.

Not once in their relationship had Alexander reacted so negatively to his touch. Even when John _held his hand in a bookstore_ in less than 24 hours of knowing him, Alexander didn’t _flinch_ when John touched him.

To go from a desert of physical affection as a child to a lush oasis of touch, John had felt he found Eden. His father did not hug. Henry Laurens was not known to show affection. He thought an acknowledging nod was enough. The last semester, George would touch John without any love or care. John was just another notch in his bedpost.

But Alexander… _God_. Alexander touched him like he was precious. He would let John come to him. He never used force. John hoped that if it got to be too much that he would tell John no.

And John supposed he was.

John rolled over and when he saw Alexander’s bed was empty, he let out a sigh of relief. He didn’t want Alexander to see his face red and blotchy, his eyes bloodshot, his hands shaking. Where he could be was a whole other story and John didn’t have a clue. He might have had a class, but he left his stack of textbooks on his desk, not a single one missing.

He picked up his phone.

 **To My Alexander** : _Where are you?_

Yet there was a part of John who simply didn’t _care_ where Alexander was – only that he was gone.

It was a feeling he hadn’t had since the previous semester with George.

And it literally made John throw up.

He scrambled for his trashcan and just barely made it. Everything he had eaten from the night before was in the bin. There wasn’t anything left in him yet his stomach kept retching and it _hurt_.

John slumped back onto his bed, willing his body to calm down. He had no idea why he was reacting this violently to Alexander’s actions. It wasn’t as if they were dating and he found out that Alexander cheated on him.

Though, if that were to happen, John was pretty certain he’d kill Alexander.

No. He was just a boy in love with his roommate. A deep, unbridled love that was running wild. John realized he had put too many emotional eggs in the Alexander Hamilton basket. How foolish he had been to think what they had was anything more than simple flirtations.

Alex Hamilton had grown tired of John Laurens.

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _Are you busy right now?_

* * *

10 minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

“Bonjour John Laurens,” sang Lafayette. “Je suis ici pour vous aimer…”

John peeled back the blankets and, by sheer will, forced himself to answer the door.

Lafayette, in all their flamboyant glory, was leaning against the doorframe, their purple sequined jacket paired with a highlighter yellow button-down nearly blinding poor John.

“Pourquoi, Lafayette?” John groaned. His eyes now stung for an entirely different reason.

“Les Français savent couture,” Lafayette said smugly.

“Je suis allé à la France. Je sais que vous avez tort,” John retorted blandly. He shook his head and let Lafayette in the room. Lafayette closed the door behind him. Lafayette took a seat on his bed.

“Vous regardez comme de la merde,” they commented, taking in John’s whole being.

“Well, I feel like shit, too,” John remarked. Normally, he’d be completely content to speak in French with Lafayette. They did it all the time when they didn’t want Hercules to know something. But with his head throbbing from tears, he didn’t feel like translating into a second language.

Lafayette stretched over to John’s nightstand and grabbed his hairbrush. They opened their legs and gently tapped the floor with their foot.

“Come here, John. Sit down here for your Lafayette,” they cooed. John eyed him warily.

“Why.”

Instead of answering, they just waved the hairbrush invitingly and patted the inside of their thigh. John cautiously stepped over to Lafayette and took a seat on the floor between their legs, his back against the side of the bed. Lafayette pulled out his hairtie and let his curls loose. With a gentle touch, they pulled his brush through his hair. The light pressure of the bristles against his scalp was soothing. John got the feeling that when he was little, his mother would do this for him. But it had been so long since she passed that he had no real memories, just the sensation under his skin.

“Now, what is going on that you are so distressed, John Laurens?” Lafayette said warmly as they lovingly brushed John’s hair. “Is it Alexander?”

“Yes.” Lafayette hummed in acknowledgement, but did not ask any further questions. With a sigh, John resigned to continue.

“As you know, he and I have been flirting a lot – I mean, a _lot_ – lately. Like, to the point where I heard him say my name as he jerked off the other night. And I finally thought last night that after dinner I would tell him how I really felt about him and we’d make out and be boyfriends and blah blah blah. But I went to hold his hand during dinner, and he pulled his hand away,” John explained, the pain resurfacing in his chest. “So I thought, ‘Oh, maybe it’s because he’s stressed about Burr texting him. Or because we’re in public-public.’ But when I went to touch his shoulder back here… He _flinched_ , Lafayette.”

“Mon chou,” Lafayette said sadly.

“I don’t know what’s happening with him.”

“Did you try asking? I know you often forget that option, John,” Lafayette said facetiously.

“I did, Lafayette, but he just brushed me off,” he said. “He’s never been so cold with me. I think I did something wrong.”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, Laurens,” Lafayette chided. “You most certainly did do something wrong.”

John turned quickly and looked up at Lafayette. Panic flooded his body. What exactly did he do wrong?

But Lafayette gazed at him with warm eyes.

“You are giving up,” they said. “The John Laurens I know does not give up so easily.”

John rolled his eyes and turned back around. The grooming resumed.

“But maybe I should give up this fight,” John sighed. “This wasn’t a war I was meant to win.”

“Have you not seen how he looks at you? He loves you, John. I have never seen someone with such love in their eyes as when Alexander looks at you,” Lafayette said kindly.

John smiled. It warmed his heart that someone else could see it. That someone else could see how Alexander looked at him. It made him feel sane. Alexander did love him. How could he have been so stupid to believe otherwise?

“Now,” they continued, “what are you going to do to win the war?”

_What could I do?_

“Well,” John thought aloud, “there is this Minimum Wage Reform rally tonight I know he would be interested in.”

“Okay,” Lafayette answered. John could hear the wheels turning in their head. “You should invite Alexander to the rally and if he goes with you, you still have a chance. If he does not, well, you may have to face the unimaginable.”

John sighed and pulled out his phone.

 **To My Alexander** : _There’s a late night protest for Minimum Wage Reform tonight on the quad! We should go! It’d be our first protest together. :D_

He showed the text to Lafayette.

“Too flirty?”

“No, no. Just flirty enough.”

John sent the text, his heartbeat slightly elevated.

Alexander usually texted back relatively quickly, so maybe he didn’t see it.

 **To My Alexander** : _Alexander!_

…Maybe just one more.

 **To My Alexander** : _Baby girllllllll_

Lafayette snatched the phone out of his hands.

“Okay, that’s enough,” they said firmly. “Text him too much and he will have a real reason not to like you.”

John reached up and ran a hand through his hair. While he found Lafayette’s technique to be odd at first, he was much calmer and content than earlier. Plus, his hair was the softest and fluffiest it had ever been.

Lafayette was right. He needed to be persistent until given a definitive answer. John needed more faith in Alexander and himself.

 _If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be_.

* * *

With a cool shower and fresh clothes, John was ready to see Alexander again. He dutifully waited outside the Intro to Political Behavior lecture hall, though his patience was wearing thin. Without a class beforehand, he had arrived too early and had far too much time to think. Would this work? Was Alexander pulling away from him?

And there he was. Walking down the sidewalk with Eliza Schuyler, his beautiful black hair gently tossed about in the cold air. John waved with a smile.

_Stay strong._

But when the door to the building opened, John received a sucker punch to the stomach as he saw Alexander and Eliza holding hands.

“I’ll see you later,” Eliza murmured quickly. She shot a glance at John before Alexander kissed her on the cheek. She gazed at Alexander lovingly, a shy blush across her face.

Eliza _knew_ he liked Alexander. She knew he had a crush and yet here she was, holding hands with him and letting him kiss her. She knew they could bump into him. And yet.

“See you,” Alexander replied. Eliza took off down the hall and disappeared around the corner. Alexander’s eyes lingered on her before he turned his attention to John.

“What’s going on? You didn’t answer any of my texts,” John said, trying to quell his anger and frustration.

“Really deep discussion in class today,” Alexander answered nonchalantly. “And I was hanging out with Eliza.”

_How could I be so foolish to listen to Lafayette? He’s moving on. He’s found someone better._

They entered the lecture hall and quickly found two seats near the middle.

“Is that who you were with this morning?” he asked. He could feel the pain from earlier slipping through the cracks.

“I needed to talk to Washington about Burr,” Alexander answered, more an apology than an explanation. John let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Oh. Good. I mean, not good. You shouldn’t have to deal with that asshole. Don’t let him get in your head,” John said as they both prepared for another long-winded, boring lecture.

He was being ridiculous. Eliza was a kind and sweet woman. She wouldn’t go about stealing men from others. But then again, John had never been in competition with anyone. Was this what it was like, to win the affections of a man? Was it an actual battle?

_Stop it. He loves you. Stay strong._

The lecture was boring, as to be expected, and this time he didn’t have Alexander passing him notes. He was feverishly writing everything down like last time, but unlike last time, was not ever glancing over at John. John was staying awake today, his emotional roller coaster of the day was not prepared to end until he got an answer from Alexander about tonight. He opened his folder for a sheet of paper when he came across the notes from before. There was a part of him that hoped that they would chat long enough that Alexander would flip the page over, see what John had written from the last lecture, and fall deeply and madly in love with him, so much so that John would never question it again. So John scribbled a small note on the back and slid it onto Alexander’s desktop.

_Alexander, protest tonight? It should be amazing. :D_

John watched Alexander look at the note, then without any change of emotion, write back and slide it back over to John with two words that sealed John’s fate.

 _Can’t. Busy_.

Even if they were now burned into his mind, John never wanted to see those two words ever again. He crumpled up the notes, crumpled up their flirtations and quiet confessions, and threw it to the ground. Unfortunately, burning effigies was not allowed in the North Hall lecture room, so this was the best he could do.

For the next 30 minutes, John sat in quiet suffering until the professor wrapped up the lecture. The hall was frenzied with students leaving, John one of them.

“I’ve got to go to the bathroom,” John said quickly. “Meet you in the hall?”

“Yeah.”

And John bolted out of the building. He felt his phone buzz, but whatever it was could wait for his heartbreak.

* * *

**To Marquis de Lafayette** :  _Everything in this world sucks._

**To Marquis de Lafayette** : _I want to go home._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _Like, home-home._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _Back to SC._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _At least I know why I’m unloved there._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _He won’t even look at me anymore._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _He’s not coming to the protest._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _Kill me now._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _I’ve ruined the best relationship I’ve ever had before it even began._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _This is the worst._

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _My life is over._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _JOHN. FOR THE LAST TIME._ _ARRÊTEZ._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Would you please at least enjoy the protest? For my phone bill’s sake?_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _Fine._

John tucked his phone and his hand back in his pocket. It was cold, _very_ cold. The freshly fallen snow had made the protest a little more unbearable with how wet his feet were getting. People around him were chanting these well-structured, well-planned songs and cheers and he was moping over Alexander Hamilton, a man who clearly had chosen Eliza Schuyler over him. He was free to flirt with multiple people at a time. Who was John to tell him he couldn’t?

He was sure they would have at least 8 children and be very happy together.

 _Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep_ —

“Laurens! John Laurens!”

John’s eyes widened. He whipped his head around, searching for that voice. That beautiful voice calling for him over the din.

And there he was.

His Alexander.

“Alexander!” he echoed back, standing on his toes with an arm stretched out, straining for Alexander to come to him like a ship to a lighthouse.

Like a bull in a china shop, Alexander pushed through the crowd to reach John’s hand. He got right into John’s space and laced their fingers together. John’s heartbeat spiked. This was the last place he was expecting to see him and _oh boy_ was he glad to see him.

“I didn’t think you were coming,” John shouted. He couldn’t help the smile that was tugging at his lips.

“I wasn’t planning on it,” Alexander replied, “but I have to come clean.”

_Oh no. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no…_

“What?”

“I’m in love with you.”

Like they were in a vacuum, John’s world suddenly fell silent and still, collapsed to just the two of them.

“What?” he breathed.

“I’m in love with you, John Laurens,” Alexander said passionately. He seemed like he was running out of time, trying to get the words out, to tell John. “But today hurt me as much as it probably hurt you, John. I love you. I love you so much. You’re perfect. You’re beautiful. You’re mine, my most affectionate Laurens.”

“My Alexander…” John couldn’t stop himself. He grabbed Alexander by the lapels and pulled him in for a searing kiss. Alexander’s arms wrapped around his back, holding him close. John ran his hands up Alexander’s chest to his cheeks, then to his gorgeous hair.

John wanted and he wanted and he wanted. He wasn’t aware of just how _thirsty_ he was for Alexander’s kiss. His mouth was so warm and wet and pliable and luscious and _delicious_ —

A woman shouted behind them, reminding John exactly where they were. They were once in space, in a nebulous arena, possibly lost in a dream John once had. Now they were solidly standing on God’s green Earth but John couldn’t stop planting sweet kisses on Alexander’s lips, ensuring that this was _real_ and not a dream. His heart was soaring. They both couldn’t stop smiling and giggling and holding each other close.

“I thought this would never happen,” John murmured against Alexander’s lips.

“Did you forget your Alexander never stops until he gets what he wants?” Alexander teased.

_My Alexander!_

“No, I didn’t,” John laughed. “But I thought you were interested in Eliza.”

“She’s the one who told me to come find you.”

John’s heart melted because _of course_ she did.

“Please thank her for me,” he said before kissing Alexander again. His mouth felt heavenly and warm and _god_ did John want to taste. He teasingly grazed Alexander’s lips with his tongue and was soon greeted by Alexander’s own, dancing together and just _tasting_.

Oh, how John _wanted_.

Alexander drew back and John whined. He didn’t want it to end.

“Aren’t you worried someone might see us?” Alexander asked, his breath hot against John’s lips.

“Alexander Hamilton just told me he loves me. I’m pretty certain I don’t _care_ if anyone sees me right now,” John answered.

He had been so careful for so long and it had brought so much irreparable damage – to his relationships, to his schoolwork, to his emotional wellbeing. But with the sweet taste of Alexander Hamilton’s mouth on his tongue, John was feeling absolutely reckless.

“John,” Alexander exhaled.

“Alexander?”

“Let’s go home.”

“ _Yes, please._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay!


	7. alexander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alexander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh ho ho. Look what we have here. Mihály, lyin' again.
> 
> I've decided, after much request, that I will continue this fic and see it to the same completion as (hhh)eoy.
> 
> Also, it is really hard to write porn while battling a cold. I'm feeling a lot better since this morning when I started writing it, but it's hard to say what is coherent or even good at this point.
> 
> But enjoy!

The walk back to their dorm was infuriating. _Why_ was the quad so far from where they lived? _Why_ did they _have_ to go back to their dorm? _Why_ couldn’t John have pushed Alexander to the ground, straddled his lap, and mounted him at the rally?

“C’mon, John!” Alexander whined in his ear as John fumbled with the keys. He was lightly grinding his erection into John’s ass and _oh_ , that was why.

Finally, John got the door opened and in a flash they were inside, the door shut and both were quickly disrobing their outerwear. Alexander was done in an instant, as he was wearing less layers than John. It was frustrating, seeing Alexander ready to go and here he was, bundled for the rally.

But as John pulled his sweatshirt over his head, Alexander was grabbing at him. Their groins were pressed against each other and John could feel Alexander’s interest _right there_. His mind flashed through all the things he dreamt about doing with Alexander and couldn’t help but smile. Alexander weaved his fingers through John’s hair and John couldn’t think of a better place for his hands at the moment.

“My John,” Alexander whispered. He was staring at John’s mouth and John’s heart beat just a hair faster.

“I love you so much, Alexander,” he murmured before kissing Alexander again. He wrapped his arms around Alexander’s back and grabbed at his shoulder blades for dear life.

Alexander felt so _good_ and _right_ in John’s arms. His body was warm and soft and had a little give to it and John was _melting_. He felt Alexander’s fingers skate down his back and with full hands, grabbed at John’s ass. He pulled John’s cheeks apart and a bit of cool air blew across John’s hole, only reminding him how much he wanted Alexander to touch him _there._ He moaned wantonly against Alexander’s mouth at the thought.

“Fuck, I want you so bad,” Alexander growled.

“Bed,” John exhaled. “Bed now.” It was the only place he wanted to be. Alexander walked him backwards and pushed him back onto his own bed. John landed with a soft thump on the heavy blanket.

He leaned back on his hands to look up at his Alexander who stood so powerfully over him. His wide, dark pupils. His reddened mouth. His stomach with a softness John wanted to _bite_. His cock straining against his jeans. John wanted all of it on him right now.

Alexander pulled off his shirt and John followed. John had always averted his gaze when Alexander changed because he felt like he was respecting Alexander’s modesty. But now that John could see the smooth expanse of skin, his dark nipples, and _god seriously_ that tummy, he was so glad he waited. It was better than a present at Christmas morning because it was Alexander and it was right now.

He could feel Alexander’s eye on him, combing over his body he worked so hard on.

_Time for a little show._

John spread his legs a little further and popped the button on his jeans.

“Are you waiting for an invitation, Alexander?” he teased.

But Alexander didn’t move. He didn’t say anything. Just a blush spread across his cheeks and drifted down his chest.

John reached out and unbuckled Alexander’s jeans. He could feel him finally responding to his touch instead of standing stock still.

“You okay there, Alexander? Do you need some help?” he asked, pulling Alexander’s pants down to reveal his navy blue briefs, his heavy hard cock pushing against the cotton.

_Oh **fuck** his cock looks so good._

When John realized his mouth was level with Alexander’s cock, he seriously contemplated leaning forward and just licking the long line of hardness, sucking at the wet spot and tasting Alexander once and for all. John ran his hands up Alexander’s thighs, stopping when his fingers bracketed Alexander’s erection like a tan picture frame. He felt Alexander shiver under the touch.

Alexander seized John’s curls in his hand and all John thought about was Alexander directing him as he worked his cock over with his mouth.

But not today.

_Soon._

“You are evil, John Laurens,” Alexander chuckled.

He thought _that_ was evil?

John hummed in response as he drifted a palm across Alexander’s cock. He felt the heat radiating from beneath the fabric and it all suddenly felt so _real_ to John. Alexander was hard for _him_. In John’s investigation of what was rightfully his, he lightly rubbed his fingers over the wet spot, ghosting at the head of Alexander’s cock. He brought his other hand to grip at Alexander fully through his briefs, feeling the entire package in his hands.

And that’s when John realized why they called it a package because Alexander Hamilton’s cock was a _gift_.

Alexander rocked into John’s hand and he could feel the skin rubbing against the cotton, shifting under his palm. He could jack him off right here. He could peel the fabric down and slip Alexander’s cock between his lips and suck him off…

He could do it. He could do it so easily.

John glanced up to Alexander’s face where his eyes were closed. A barely imperceptible twitch under Alexander’s right eye proved he was concentrating, keeping his body in check under John’s careful scrutiny.

But when he opened his eyes, John only saw a challenging gaze paired with a delicate smirk on his Alexander’s face.

Alexander leaned down and kissed John passionately, but effectively took his hips out of John’s reach. He was growing accustomed to holding Alexander’s perfect cock in his hand. But Alexander was pushing him back and crawling on top of him and John was ready to abandon all plans he had for whatever Alexander had in mind. Together, they were able to get John’s pants down and off his legs, leaving him in solely his red briefs.

Alexander knelt between his open legs, his palms on his thighs felt like hot brands on his skin. His eyes roamed all over John’s body and finally landed on his cock. He moved one of his hands from John’s thigh to his cock where John’s length surpassed the size of Alexander’s hand. John could only imagine what Alexander was thinking, but dear god did he hope it was positive. The reverence by which Alexander stared at his dick was promising.

“Alexander,” John whined. His back arched and his cock twitched under Alexander’s palm. Alexander glanced up to his face, a desperate excitement dancing in his eyes.

“10 inches,” he said, frustrated that Alexander wasn’t touching him more. He wanted him to wrap his fingers around him, or lie down on top of him, or suck him off _dear sweet Jesus._ “Which you will get none of if you don’t get up here.” John pawed at Alexander’s forearms, grabbing his wrists and pulling him down to where he only hovered above John. He let their chests touch, which was all fine and dandy, but John wanted to feel Alexander’s hard cock against his and he _wasn’t letting him_. He tried a couple times by pulling at Alexander’s waist with his hands at the small of his back, but to no avail.

While the look in Alexander’s eyes was playful, the desperation John felt was far too real.

“Are you going to—“

“I don’t know…” Alexander replied teasingly. “I was thinking about it…”

John made another couple attempts, tugging at Alexander’s skin, his fingers slipping slightly under the light sheen of sweat.

“Please?” John asked sweetly despite his annoyance. “Pretty please? With sugar on top?” If Alexander wanted to play games, John could play games.

“Only if you kiss me first,” Alexander answered.

Now that was a request John could fulfill.

John didn’t hesitate. He lunged forward and captured Alexander’s lips in a desperate kiss. As he promised, Alexander lowered his hips down to meet John’s and _holy hell_. John almost sobbed with how incredible it felt having Alexander’s hard, hot length rubbing against his own.

“God you feel so good,” John whispered, letting his fingers skim down and grab at Alexander’s ass. His jeans did not do this ass justice. The roundness fit perfectly under John’s palms, his finger curved gracefully on the downward slope of his cheeks.

“You have no idea,” Alexander murmured in reply.

Alexander rocked his hips like he was fucking John in earnest and _oh_ , John wanted to think about that. As he lifted his legs to wrap around Alexander’s thighs, he thought about Alexander plowing into him, driving his cock in and out of his tight, virgin hole. He wanted Alexander to be his first. He knew virginity was a bullshit concept, but it didn’t stop him from thinking how fucking _hot_ it would be to let Alexander be the first man inside him…

“Yeah, _yeah,_ ” John babbled breathlessly. “Fuck me, Alexander. Yeah, just like that, _oh_ , god, _fuck me_ …” His mind kept flashing to images of Alexander’s naked cock inside him in this exact position as he bucked his hips against John harder and faster. Alexander fucked exactly how John expected: passionately and full of vigor. And it was the absolute _sexiest_ thing about him.

It was under Alexander’s hot, lustful gaze that John lost it. He came, his cock throbbing, his head thrown back, and moaned, long and low. His fingers dug into the flesh of Alexander’s ass, keeping that beautiful hardness against his body as he rode out his orgasm.

“That’s it, beautiful,” Alexander grunted and _wow_ did that do something to John. That deep, wild sound to Alexander’s voice as he continued to fuck him like an animal. John felt primal and he _loved_ it. He opened his eyes and focused on his love’s face.

“Kiss me,” John whispered and Alexander complied. The hunger of Alexander’s kiss fed John. He needed Alexander to lose control. He needed him to come—

And Alexander did, his eyes closed, brow creased, and mouth open. His body tightened and a shout was punched out of him. He looked so devastatingly gorgeous.

John did that. John made Alexander Hamilton _come_.

His hips slowed down to a lazy roll, riding out his beautiful orgasm. He opened his eyes and John couldn’t help but smile. His smile was echoed for a second before Alexander dropped his weight onto John who was more than willing to accept it. He laughed and wrapped his arms fully around Alexander’s sweaty back. His face was tucked into John’s neck and all John could reach was Alexander’s ear.

“Baby girl, you’re a little heavy,” he whispered into Alexander’s ear. Alexander wiggled his body a bit, but didn’t move at all. John laughed.

“God that was so good,” Alexander said loudly, muffled by John’s shoulder and the pillow.

“It definitely helps when your partner is me,” he added jokingly. Alexander picked up his head and looked lovingly at John who was smiling, hoping Alexander got his joke.

“It really does,” Alexander agreed with him. “You seriously are so fucking gorgeous.”

He didn’t get the joke, but his answer made John tear up with joy.

He kissed John with a sweet peck to the lips before sliding off him and to the side. John was already missing Alexander’s weight pressing him into the mattress. Alexander kept an arm around John’s waist.

John was overwhelmed with the amount of love between them. He couldn’t believe something this amazing had worked out. Hot Alexander Hamilton From Facebook, the man he had polite fantasies about for weeks, just fucked him into the mattress. It was better than every dream he had had.

“Can I tell you a secret?” John asked sweetly. Alexander nodded. “I’ve been dreaming about that since you first showed up.

Alexander propped himself up on one elbow, resting his head on his hand, and glared at John.

“So you are telling me, John Laurens, that we could have been doing that since the moment I walked through that door?”

_So he felt it too!_

John couldn’t help but laugh. All the pieces from the last week were finally clicking into place. How could he have been so dense?

“I mean,” John said through his laughter, “I only kinda guessed you liked me when I saw you jerking off while staring at me that one night.” Alexander’s jaw dropped.

“You _were_ watching me!”

“I wanted to see your dick,” John shrugged. “Fight me.” Alexander grappled at John’s body, wrestling with him playfully, before catching his lips in a long sweet kiss.

John hummed contentedly. He didn’t want this moment to end, but he was _exhausted_. He started the day with vomiting in a trashcan and ended the day with mutual orgasms with Alexander Hamilton. It was a complete and utter whirlwind.

“So I have an idea,” John said calmly.

“Hm?”

“We should first take this underwear off before it gets really gross,” he said, counting off on his fingers. “Two, I’ll go get a washcloth. Three, we get under these covers and go to sleep.”

There was nothing he wanted to do more in this moment than actually sleep with Alexander.

“Sounds perfect,” Alexander agreed. John kissed him delicately on the lips, a promise he’d return, before getting out of bed to retrieve a washcloth from their room’s sink. He wet the rag under the faucet and sneaked a glance back at Alexander in the mirror as he tugged off his briefs. He could see Alexander’s soft cock resting sweetly against his thigh and his mouth watered.

By the time John returned to the bed, Alexander was under the covers and he passed the washcloth to him. He tugged off his own briefs, relieved for the cool air against his skin.

“I cannot wait to put you in my mouth,” Alexander said absentmindedly. John was surprised at the admission. He definitely blushed under the comment. Even soft, John was impressive in size.

“Did you mean to say that out loud, Alexander?” John asked as he cleaned himself off with the offered washcloth.

“Excuse you, this is a conversation between my mouth and your dick,” Alexander said in mock offense. John laughed. He tossed the washcloth into the sink and crawled in under the blankets beside Alexander. It was already an inferno under the blankets, but because it was from Alexander’s body heat, John didn’t mind.

“Well, I can’t wait for them to become acquainted,” John flirted back. He kissed John sweetly and gently as he pulled him close.

The difference between Alexander and George was night and day. George would say similar things, but there was always a hint of shame that drifted between them. That what they were doing was inherently sinful and should be buried and never spoken about. But with Alexander, it felt so right. John felt whole. There was no indignity in their actions. Just love.

John spelled out ‘Mr. John Hamilton’ and ‘Mr. Alexander Laurens’ into Alexander’s skin with his fingertips.

“So,” Alexander said simply.

“So,” John echoed.

They giggled. John was bursting with joy. He was curled up with the most incredible man he’d ever met under his blanket, trading tender kisses and basking in the warmth of their love. Alexander reached up and traced his fingers along John’s face, first across his cheeks, then down his nose, then across the bow of his lips. John sighed in contented bliss.

But he was curious.

“So what did Eliza say to make you confess your undying love to me?”

“She made me realize I can’t let anyone else get in the way of my happiness,” Alexander answered without hesitation.

_Good answer_.

“And are you going to tell me what Burr said?”

“So, here’s the thing,” Alexander began. “I really don’t want to talk about Burr when we’re both naked. No Burr talk in bed? Please?”

“I think that’s completely fair,” John agreed. “No Burr talk when I can do this.” John skated his hand down Alexander’s side to loosely cup his soft cock. The fact John could even _do_ that was still amazing to him. Alexander chuckled.

“I wish I wasn’t so tired so I could fuck you again,” he murmured. While that was enticing, John also wanted to show Alexander exactly what he could do to him.

“Who said anything about _you_ fucking _me_?” he whispered hotly against Alexander’s lips. Alexander groaned and he felt his dick twitch in his hand.

_We’ll put two down for that idea._

John chuckled and he kissed him again, releasing his cock from his hand. John rolled over and rested his back against Alexander’s chest. He always wanted to be the little spoon, to be cradled and protected. Alexander looped an arm over his waist. John could feel Alexander’s soft cock pressed against the cleft of his ass and while it should have spurned more sexual thoughts, John only felt comforted by the domesticity of the situation.

He tangled their fingers together and tucked them close to his chest. A wave of exhaustion overtook him. For the first time that day, John felt he could finally rest. 

“I love you, Alexander Hamilton.”

“I love you too, John Laurens.”

* * *

John awoke with Alexander’s hard cock trapped snugly against his ass.

And John decided he could wake up every morning like this.

He could feel Alexander breathing normally behind him. He had to be awake.

“I can hear you thinking,” John mumbled. He stretched, arching his back so he could fully feel the length of Alexander’s naked cock against his ass. And oh, how wonderful that felt.

“Oh, _this_ is promising,” he teased. Alexander thrust gently. He imagined waking up like this, except with Alexander already inside him. John moaned.

“Yeah, that’s it, Alexander.” His hand drifted back to Alexander’s side, hoping to encourage him to thrust harder.

And harder he did.

Alexander took his time with John, grinding against him slowly, really feeling John against him. He pulled his other arm around him and hugged John close to his body as he rode his hard dick against John’s ass. One hand drifted down to fist at John’s cock, jerking him with every thrust. John arched his back. Every other thrust, the shaft of Alexander’s cock would brush against his hole and John _ached_ to get him inside.

His orgasm took him by surprise. John was too caught up in the warmth and affection of Alexander’s ministrations to pay attention to his own body. Quickly, he felt Alexander come against his back and John didn’t think that would be a thing for him, but it _absolutely_ was a thing for him.

John reached up and back to tangle his hand in Alexander’s hair.

“Best wake-up call ever,” he smiled as he rolled over to face his lover. Alexander kissed him soundly.

Cutting through the solemnity of the moment was Alexander’s stomach growling loudly. They both laughed.

“Well, I guess I know what we’re doing next,” John said.

“Is the dining hall still open?” Alexander asked as he rubbed his eyes. It was a fair question. John didn’t know what time it was. He leaned out of the bed and rescued Alexander’s phone from the floor.

There were a half dozen texts from Eliza Schuyler.

“John, dear, the time.”

“Oh, it’s only 9:30. They’re still serving breakfast,” he said quickly. He grabbed for Alexander’s thumb and used it to unlock his phone.

**From Eliza Schuyler** : _you go Alx!_

**From Eliza Schuyler** : _u get ur man!_

**From Eliza Schuyler** : _Di d yu fnid him? Txt me bk!_

**From Eliza Schuyler** : _I hpe your not txtin me bck bc yur gettin bizzzzzay_

**From Eliza Schuyler** : _Oh god Im so drinkkkkk_

**From Eliza Schuyler** : _*drunkkkkk_

**From Eliza Schuyler** : _I’m crazhing @ angelca’s don’ worry bou me_

John needed to send her a basket of Edible Arrangements.

“Love her. Best of women,” he smiled.

“I’ll text her back later,” Alexander remarked, waving off the phone.

John got himself out of bed, the cold air a shock to his sweaty skin. The cocoon they created was an inferno. He leaned over the bed and kissed Alexander’s temple.

“C’mon, Alexander. There’s a waffle bar on Saturdays.”

Alexander sat up in a flash.

“I’m up!”

* * *

They managed to get ready for the day with little interruption from each other, though John did catch Alexander sneaking peeks at him every few seconds. Then again, so was he. They kissed one last and final time before heading down to the cafeteria.

John knew Alexander would be taking his time at the waffle bar, so he sped through, only picking up a few things and two cups of coffee. He settled into their usual booth and waited for Alexander. He checked his own phone, finding several texts from Lafayette, Eliza, and Hercules.

**From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Please tell me he showed up and not that you killed yourself._

**From Hercules Mulligan** : _I’m at this party and Eliza is here. Help a brother out? What should I talk to her about?_

**From Eliza Schuyler** : _Dd alxndr f ind u ???_

**From Eliza Schuyler** : _srry supe drnkkkk_

**From Hercules Mulligan** : _She’s super drunk and can’t stop talking about you and Alexander? What’s happening? (And no worries: I’m not gonna try anything.)_

**From Marquis de Lafayette** : _It’s 1:45am. Text me please. I am worried about you, John._

**From Hercules Mulligan** : _Can you text Lafayette back? He’s really worried and is having a panic attack in my room._

**To Marquis de Lafayette** : _Hey! I’m fine! I’m alive! I’m happy!_

**From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Merci Dieu! Was that so difficult? Did he show up?_

That’s when Alexander slid into the booth across from him with a waffle piled high with the sweetest things the waffle bar had to offer.

“That looks disgusting, Alexander,” John remarked.

“Well, I am starving, because someone made me do all the work last night – and this morning,” Alexander said, winking suggestively. John shook his head. “And I didn’t eat dinner last night. You know, since I didn’t eat with the Revolutionary Crew.”

“First of all,” John said as he opened a dairy creamer, “You need to text that to Lafayette. I don’t know why he didn’t think of that as a group name.”

“Got it.”

“And secondly,” John said, steeling himself for the topic, “you need to tell me what Burr said that made you avoid me and curb-stomp my heart.”

Alexander sighed heavily.

“So you know those text messages Burr sent me during dinner the other day?” 

“The ones you were super weird about?”

_How could I ever forget?_

“Yeah,” Alexander nodded. “He was trying to get in my head, saying that he could tell how much I wanted to suck your dick and shit like that. Which, to be fair, I want to do _way_ more now that I’ve seen the goods.” And didn’t John know it.

Then, Alexander glanced around, checking the surroundings.

“He knows the truth about your ex-roommate.”

_Oh dear god._

“What?” John asked tightly. His heart sped up. He wanted to run far away from this place.

“Now, I don’t know how he knows, but he showed his hand. He can apparently find all sorts of information on people. He knows you’re gay,” Alexander explained. “Did you tell someone in administration exactly why you punched your roommate in the face? I mean, you had to. There’d be no way for him to hide a broken nose forever.”

John was numb. He didn’t understand how Burr could have possibly found out about his situation. He buried that deep and made Lafayette and Hercules promise not to tell anyone.

“I told them what I told Lafayette and Hercules,” John said vacantly. “I don’t know what _he_ told them.” He and George had made a pact to tell the administration the same thing. Though, who really knew what George told them.

Alexander reached across the table and took John’s hand in his. John welcomed his affection, holding his hand tightly.

“He knew you wanted to keep things secret,” Alexander continued. “And said it really wasn’t my style to keep a relationship secret.”

Burr was right. He did need to keep everything a secret. It wasn’t in Alexander’s style to do anything quietly. How could he even consider dating John in secret? They wanted different things. They—

Alexander tightened his grip on his hand.

“But I would do anything for you, John. Even punching Aaron Burr in the face, though I think that would be equally for you and for me,” Alexander pleaded. “I want to be with you so, so, so badly. We don’t have to be out, we don’t have to make it Facebook official. We can tell whomever you want. I mean, I think Lafayette, Hercules, and Eliza should know – Eliza especially because I kinda already told her you’re gay – I’m so sorry about that – but it’s still up to you! I’ll go ahead and cancel the skywriter who I hired to write out the sonnets I wrote to your freckles in the sky—“

“Alexander!” John cut him off. He was so cute when he babbled. It was especially cute that he talked to Eliza about him when she already knew. He’d definitely need to send her something. An Edible Arrangement wouldn’t be enough. “We can tell Lafayette, Hercules, and Eliza.”

“And what are we telling them?” There was that sparkle in Alexander’s eye.

John grinned.

“That John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton are officially boyfriends.”

“That might be the most beautiful sentence I’ve ever heard you say,” Alexander said honestly. “Well, after ’10 inches’…”

“Oh my god!” John laughed as he threw a creamer at Alexander. “You have a one-track mind!” Though he really wasn’t complaining. He was actually relieved to have met someone who loved his enormous cock as much as he did. But personally, he had a bit of a one-track mind as well.

“Though I do have to say, you’re not so bad yourself,” John admitted with a sly smile.

“Oh, really?” Alexander smirked. “Please, tell me more about my penis.”

John was ready to wax poetic and write odes to Alexander’s glorious cock.

“Well, let’s see…”

* * *

Saturday morning was spent campaigning and posting more flyers for Alexander’s campaign. It had to be done before they could retire themselves to their room to only emerge for absolute emergencies. John had never been so relieved to share a room with someone, especially when that someone was as sexy as Alexander Hamilton.

While they moved on to season 3 of _Parks & Recreation_, they didn’t watch a lot of it since they couldn’t keep their hands off each others’ naked bodies. After ‘watching’ half a season, they made a decision not to completely spend all their time that weekend wrapped up in each other.

Updating their friends about their relationship status was first on the to-do list. Alexander showed him the excited texts from each of them, but John received a few of his own.

**From Hercules Mulligan** : _Hey man, I’m super happy for you and Hamilton! I kinda thought you might be gay, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Congrats!_

**From Eliza Schuyler** : _You two are gonna be so cute together! I’ll be your surrogate when you want to have babies! <3 <3 <3_

**From Marquis de Lafayette** : _IF THE REASON YOU DIDN’T TEXT ME BACK LAST NIGHT WAS BECAUSE YOU WERE HAVING SEX, TELL ME HOW LONG._

**To Marquis de Lafayette** : _7 inches ;D_

**From Marquis de Lafayette** : _!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Alexander wanted to celebrate their friends’ acceptance of their relationship, but John knew if they did that, he wouldn’t get any of his homework finished for his classes. After ditching Lee’s class the day before, he needed to be on his game for that jerk. Alexander moped for a minute before finding himself buried in a book.

Bedtime rolled around and so did Alexander’s bed as they pushed their beds together. It was Alexander’s idea, because as he put it, “You gave me a taste of what it was like to sleep with John Laurens and you expect me to ever go back to that bed alone again?” And who was John to disagree?

John awoke Sunday morning to an empty bed.

**From Baby Girl <3**: _Picking up snacks and condoms. We don’t have to do it anytime soon, but I wanna be prepared for that cock to finally be inside me. <3 <3_

John rolled his eyes. His boyfriend( _!!!_ ) was so considerate.

**To Baby Girl <3**: _Pick up cheese Combos and XXL condoms? <3 <3_

**From Baby Girl <3**: _Anything for my stallion boyfriend._

_Boyfriend!_

Alexander made his way back up to the room and was quickly naked again. They made another attempt to watch _Parks and Recreation_ as they refueled, but Alexander found John’s cock too distracting. He had reached over into John’s lap and stroked him to full hardness. John knew Alexander’s motive and challenged him by trying to watch the show as his boyfriend handled his hard dick, thumbing the slit, running his fingernail down the large vein on the side, letting it slap obscenely against John’s stomach.

John couldn’t take it anymore and straddled Alexander’s lap, fisting both of their cocks in one hand and marveling at the differences between the two of them.

That’s when Alexander’s phone rang.

John groaned in frustration as Alexander scrambled to find the phone in the sheets. He placed his hands on either side of Alexander’s head on the wall.

“H-hello?” Alexander said as John nipped at his available ear. John couldn’t hear who was on the phone but he didn’t care. They were interrupting his time to take Alexander apart. He went back to idly stroking Alexander’s cock and thinking about how much he wanted to put it in his mouth.

_I bet he tastes really good._

“Yeah?” Alexander said, his breathing increasingly labored.

The person began talking again, but at a certain point, Alexander put it on speakerphone for John to hear as well.

“—radio station, to do a debate with you and Burr! How amazing is that?! We want to be the official sponsors of both you and Aaron, no matter who wins,” the person explained. “Does tomorrow at 1 o’clock work for you? It’d be about an hour long, third floor of the union in the studio. I already checked with Aaron and he said that’s fine with him.”

“Does 1 o’clock work for us?” Alexander whispered to John.

“I have a class, but I can skip it. Our lecture isn’t until 2:30,” John replied.

“That works for me, Peggy,” Alexander answered full-volume. John nibbled at his neck and earned a small whimper. “Thanks for the sponsorship!”

_Ah. Peggy Schuyler._

“Any time, Alex! Alright, I’ll let you get back to your roommate bonding time – Eliza told me John was giving you a tour of the campus today. Talk to you later!”

_That crafty Eliza._

“Bye, Peggy!” Alex said before he hung up. He tangled his fingers in John’s curls and pulled his face away from his neck.

“That was cruel,” Alexander scolded him.

“But you loved it!” John said in a singsong as he nuzzled his cheek into Alexander’s palm.

“I did,” Alexander smiled. “What’s more cruel, though, is that I have less than 24 hours to prepare for this debate with Burr.”

_Ugh. Burr._

“Didn’t we decide never to speak of Burr while naked?”

“Then get me my pants, John. I have a debate to win.”


	8. debate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The debate. The aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheeeeeee Chapter 8!
> 
> I'm realizing I don't have much to say about these chapters because y'all already know what's gonna happen since you've already read (hhh)eoy. So I'm just over here doing whatever.
> 
> Also, I didn't include the entire debate. It's a lot of bits and pieces.
> 
> I think it's shown better in this fic than the other, and that is that John knows French. He speaks it fluently. He knows what Lafayette and Alex are arguing about and opting out of the conversation. And someone's gotta be Hercules' translator, the poor guy.
> 
> I don't know. It's late and I should've gone to bed like, two hours ago. Oh well.
> 
> Enjoy!

The morning of the debate was fraught with nerves. John knew Alexander wouldn’t have admitted it, but he could tell he was anxious about the debate. It was his first real public appearance in front of the student body even if it wasn’t in person. John would have been nervous as well. Anyone would have been.

John treated them to hot ciders from the coffee shop in the union, hoping the warm liquid would settle Alexander. It seemed to work a little, at least enough to get him to stop pacing and take a seat in the radio station’s waiting room.

“And you’re sure you don’t want to go over your notes?” John checked in again.

“John, if I don’t know what I’ve personally written, there is no hope for me in there,” Alexander said stubbornly. His knee was bouncing impatiently.

“You wrote 47 pages,” he reminded him.

“46 and a cover page.”

John rolled his eyes. Alexander checked his phone.

“Oh shit,” he swore quietly.

“What?” John asked as he leaned over to read the text message.

“How did I completely forget I had Rhetoric when I scheduled with Peggy? Fuck,” Alexander said, panicked, as he typed out a response. John had learned the previous semester that if you needed to ditch a class or two, it wasn’t the end of the world. Alexander hadn’t even been here a full week and he was already missing classes. He understood the panic, but hopefully he’d come around to the reality.

“Well, you were excited about the chance to debate Burr,” John reminded him, then leaning in, he murmured, “And if you remember correctly, you were a little distracted this weekend.” Flashes of their various _couplings_ flitted behind John’s eyes. He couldn’t wait to take Alexander home and celebrate his debate win in the same fashion.

The huge grin that spread across Alexander’s lips told John he was thinking about the same things.

“You dick,” Alexander cursed.

“What about my dick?” John teased with a wink. Alexander snorted with laughter.

“Oh my god. Please don’t make me think about it right before this. I will be so distracted.”

_That makes two of us._

John was about to tease Alexander a little further when the door to the lounge flew open and Washington breezed through, not even stopping to look at them. Aaron Burr followed closely at his heels. Washington exited quickly into the recording studio whereas Burr, unfortunately, lingered with a stupidly smug look on his face.

“Alexander,” he said coolly.

“Aaron Burr. Sir.”

“I look forward to our debate today,” Burr stated formally. “And I see you brought your… friend.” His gaze fell on John and he felt his blood run cold.

_Keep calm, John. Don’t hulk out now._

“I’m here to support Alexander,” John bit. He glanced around for dramatic effect, and then added wittily, “Where’s your support? No ‘Vote for Burr’ buttons? I’m disappointed in you, Burr.”

“No, John,” Alexander agreed. “He sent them vague, cryptic text messages threatening to spread ugly rumors about their roommates. And they still didn’t show.”

“That’s good, Hamilton,” Burr chuckled. “But it would certainly hold more water if you could prove it.”

John felt Alexander stiffen next to him.

_Don’t hit him, Alexander. Let me do it instead._

Just then, Washington popped his head into the room.

“Gentlemen?” he said, his smooth baritone smoothing the tension like a butter knife. Alexander and John clamored to their feet on impulse. “It’s just about time.” He gestured for Alexander and Burr to join him inside.

“Good luck, Hamilton,” Burr said shortly before he slipped into the studio. Alexander turned to John.

“You’re going to be great,” John assured him. “You’ve debated Burr in your sleep.”

“You would know, too,” Alexander added. It was true. Even before they started sleeping in the same bed, John could hear Alexander arguing with Burr while he was asleep. It was shocking at first, but now John found it entertaining as Alexander’s subconscious came up with more illogical reasons to hate Burr.

“Do you want me to wait here for you?” John offered. He was already running dangerously close to missing his class with Hercules, but was willing to ditch another class for Alexander. Instead, Alexander waved a hand.

“No, no. Go to class with Hercules and I’ll meet you at North Hall for our class?”

He swayed forward on his toes, resisting the urge to kiss Alexander good luck. But with Burr and Washington just inside, they couldn’t risk it.

“Later?” John whispered.

“Absolutely." 

John smiled, lingering for a moment longer, basking in the aura of Alexander Hamilton, before exiting the lounge. The moment he was out the door, he pulled out his phone and headphones and tuned in for the bloodbath.

* * *

 

_“…greatness to the Student Senate as the LGBT delegate. I want to maintain the legacy of Spectrum and the tradition of minority representation in this great organization.”_

It was risky in such a small class, but the perk of being in college was that some professors were incredibly chill. So when John had an earbud in one ear, listening to Alexander’s debate, his professor looked the other way. He knew the debate was happening and that a class full of PoliSci majors _might_ be interested in it. John wasn’t the only one with headphones on either. Hercules had one in as well.

John nervously tapped his fingers against his desktop as he listened to Alexander give his opening statements.

_“Now,”_ Alexander began, _“I came in with an agenda: go to college, make revolutionary changes, and graduate valedictorian. I have only been on this campus a week, but I have managed to tackle the first two of this list. I single-handedly changed the policy barring freshmen from being on the Student Senate…”_

An errant _ping_ echoed through his earbud. For a moment, John thought something was wrong with the recording, but when he checked his phone, there was a text from Hercules who was literally sitting right next to him.

**From Hercules Mulligan** : _Your boy sounds great._

**To Hercules Mulligan** : _Thanks. :D_

**From Hercules Mulligan** : _Glad Montgomery is letting us listen._

**To Hercules Mulligan** : _And we’re not the only ones doing it, either!_

John looked up from his phone to notice a half dozen other students with the same set-up he was rocking. It was endearing that so many people wanted to listen to his boyfriend speak.

_“My opponent has been here two and a half years and he has done nothing. He talks a good game, but he has no standing. And if you stand for nothing, Burr, what will you fall for?”_

Alexander sounded _incredible_. If John weren’t already in love with him, he would have certainly developed a crush on him simply in how he spoke.

_“I have done quite a bit for this school, Mr. Hamilton.”_

_“Yeah? Where are the receipts?”_

Hercules silently pumped his fist. John felt the same way. Alexander was _good_.

“Mr. Mulligan?” Montgomery called on him, genuinely curious on his participation. “Did you want to contribute something?”

“Oh, no, sorry, Montgomery,” Hercules apologized. “My boy is killing it in his debate.” Montgomery nodded in response.

“Well, just keep your cheering to a physical minimum. I’m already being really lenient letting so many of you listen to the debate during class.”

“Got it. Won’t happen again.” Hercules gave him an affirming thumbs-up.

_“—Better yet, have the student body trained to believe nothing will be done—”_

_“Mr. Hamilton—“_

_“You can enforce new policy like this by listening to the students and doing actual investigation, particularly when there is mounting evidence against a particular student. It is simple things like this that can keep students safe from campus terrorists.”_

John could hear the anger bubbling in Alexander’s voice.

_Stay calm, baby girl._

Montgomery pulled up a slide with a lot of text and John struggled to write down all the information as the debate heated up.

_“Now, sir, I don’t know what Mr. Hamilton is referencing—“_

_“He knows exactly what I am referencing because he—“_

_“Hamilton, watch it—“_

_“Your Excellency, please do not dismiss the fact that Burr sent me—“_

_“What? What did I send you, Hamilton—“_

_“You threatened me, Burr! And—“_

_“Hamilton!”_

_Oh no, Alexander. Do not piss off Washington._

**From Hercules Mulligan** : _What is he talking about?_

**To Hercules Mulligan** : _You’ll have to ask him._

John was nervous. Alexander was starting to crack under the pressure. Burr was getting to him. It wasn’t a surprise, though. From the very first time John experienced their tumultuous relationship in the bursar’s office, he knew Burr spelled trouble for Alexander Hamilton.

It could have been his timbre of voice being so close to white noise or that John only really wanted to listen to his amazing boyfriend annihilate him, but John kept zoning out during Burr’s arguments.

Maybe it was for the better. He needed to get these notes down. But he may have tuned back in at the wrong moment.

_“I’m sorry, **what**?”_

_“I know sexual orientation and gender identity can be intensely private, but I’m a bit concerned that Mr. Hamilton is simply using his unique situation and abilities to score on an opportunity he is not fit for.”_

“What are you saying, Burr?”

_“I’m saying that I do not believe Mr. Hamilton is actually queer.”_

_I have the stained sheets to prove it!_

“Fucking bullshit,” John whispered just as Alexander was expressing his disbelief as well.

_“I have heard from other students that Hamilton has been walking around campus with a female student and they seem rather **friendly** —“ _

John’s heart sunk into his stomach. That was Eliza. He had to be talking about Eliza, right? He wasn’t cheating on John with anyone, and most certainly not Eliza. Luckily, Eliza was there to confirm all of John’s thoughts.

**From Eliza Schuyler** : _What in the world is Burr talking about? You’re listening to this, right?_

**To Eliza Schuyler** : _Grasping at straws._

But it still didn’t help calm John down.

It was his fault Burr could call his sexuality into question. If John were out and proud like Alexander, there wouldn’t be this debate. Alexander was bending over backwards to keep their relationship secret, sacrificing a deathly blow in this debate for him.

_“—One can say they're bisexual all they want, but, as Mr. Hamilton says, 'Where are your receipts?'—“_

_“Your Excellency, I would like to submit to the record that Burr does not have a fucking clue what bisexuality or platonic physical affection is—“_

_“ENOUGH!”_

_Oh no._

_“Mr. Hamilton, Mr. Burr. While I believe you both have excellent qualities to bring to the table and your dedication to this school and the community second to none, until you both decide to be civil toward one another, this debate is finished.”_

With that, the radio changed to an obscure hip-hop track and it was over.

John could see the other students who were listening pulling out their earbuds. Some were surprised, others shook their heads. John was pure dread.

How did that escalate so quickly?

**From Hercules Mulligan** : _What happened to Ham?_

**To Hercules Mulligan** : _I’m not sure._

**From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Your boyfriend is in SO much trouble._

He checked the clock. The debate had literally lasted all of 20 minutes before Washington ended it. They had worked so hard on Alexander’s debate material. He should have studied it and stayed the course. He should have breathed more. He should have asked John to stay.

John nervously bounced his leg the rest of class as he came up with every possible reason Alexander’s debate didn’t go well, before coming to the obvious answer. 

It was all Aaron Burr’s fault.

* * *

 

It was cold and John could only note how appropriate the biting cold was for the massacre he just heard. John hurried over to North Hall, hoping to find his boyfriend.

Apparently, Eliza had the same idea.

“Hey Eliza,” John said as he looped his arm around her waist.

“Hey John,” she said shortly, wrapping her arm around his waist as well. “What happened to him in there?”

“Burr got to him,” he said simply.

They rounded the sidewalk to find Alexander deep in conversation on the phone. As they got closer, they saw Alexander hang up and throw his phone into the snow. John let go of Eliza and snuck up on Alexander, placing his hands on his waist and hooking his chin over his shoulder.

“You might want that so I can send you dick pics later,” John whispered playfully in Alexander’s ear. He could feel the tension in Alexander’s body under his palms. Alexander turned to face him and Eliza. She pointed at his phone in the snow.

“Alex, honey, please grab that before the screen goes dark,” Eliza instructed him through her thick scarf wrapped around her face. He angrily dug his phone out of the snow and wiped it off on his sleeve.

“So, the debate didn’t go well,” John said cautiously in the hope of easing the tension.

“You fucking think?!” Alexander bit. John was taken aback by his anger being directed at him. Eliza shushed him as she stepped closer to them.

“Alexander, do not speak to your boyfriend like that,” she whispered harshly.

“Burr just ruined _everything_ ,” Alexander said angrily.

“We heard,” John said resignedly. It wasn’t anything new to either of them that Burr (and to the same extent Alexander) ruined everything.

“Spectrum dropped their sponsorship for me.”

Now _that_ was new.

“ _What?!_ ” he and Eliza asked in at the same time.

“Peggy called and said I embarrassed Spectrum so much they couldn’t fathom sponsoring me any further.”

“And what about Burr?” Eliza asked.

“They actually liked him,” Alexander said bitterly.

“Bullshit,” John murmured. He couldn’t believe it. Burr was equally at fault, introducing damaging logic for the community, but _Alexander_ was the one being punished.

“Class is about to start,” Eliza informed them. “We should get inside.” She tugged on Alexander’s sleeve and together they entered the warm building. The lecture doors were moments from closing. John and Alexander needed to get inside.

“Bye, you two!” Eliza called back to them as she hustled down the hallway to her class. John helped Alexander into the lecture room.

Their previous seats were taken and the only ones available were in the back of the room. John knew he was going to fall asleep back there, but that’s what happens when they’re late, he guessed. As soon as they sat down, Alexander immediately pulled out his personal notebook and started writing.

“What are you writing?” John asked. Alexander only ever pulled out this notebook when they were alone in their room. 

“I am going to destroy Burr the best way I can,” Alexander replied, lowering his head once more and not looking up again for the rest of class.

* * *

 

The rest of the afternoon was Alexander writing and John patiently waiting. Eventually, dinnertime rolled around and it was John’s chance to get Alexander away from his notebook and speaking with others. Though Alexander hadn’t said a single thing at dinner. Lafayette seemed stand-offish, intensely interested in their phone. Hercules was the only one who was managing any sort of conversation and still, it wasn’t quality.

“So…” Hercules said, shifting in his seat. “John, you and Alex are dating now?”

“We are,” John nodded as he pulled off the skin on his fried chicken. He may have been a Southerner, but he also cared about his arteries. He knew Alexander thought chicken skin was the best part, so he dropped them on his plate hoping to cheer up his boyfriend.

“You didn’t tell me you were, you know…” Hercules waved his hand airily. He sounded hurt. John genuinely felt bad. He had tried to come out to Hercules before, but sometimes things didn’t work out the way they planned.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Hercules,” John apologized. “I told Lafayette because he told me he was queer. Quid pro quo, you know?”

“That’s fair, I guess,” Hercules muttered.

“I’m sorry, Hercules…” John repeated. He took a breath to continue, but suddenly, Lafayette spoke for the first time that night.

“Pouvez-vous présenter des excuses aussi pour le comportement de votre petit ami?” they asked John angrily. John sighed. He was _not_ getting in the middle of this. He knew Alexander hadn’t been on his best behavior during the debate and should have kept his temper down, but Alexander was more than capable of speaking for himself.

Alexander dropped his silverware to his tray with a clatter.

“Vous savez quoi, Lafayette—“ Alexander fought back.

“Vous nous avez gêné, Hamilton!” Lafayette yelled. “Allégations de harcèlement sexuel? Et Peggy ne pense pas que vous êtes bisexuel.”

_Oh. So that’s why they dropped the sponsorship._

People were turning to look at their table. It wasn’t every day they had two people yelling at each other at top volume in French. They could literally have it out anywhere else. An empty classroom, John and Alexander’s dorm room, a back alleyway for heaven’s sake. But they were choosing to have it out in one of the most public spaces on campus. It wasn’t going to look good for either of them.

“Please don’t do this here, guys—“ John pled with them. He placed a hand on Alexander’s knee, praying the gesture would calm him down. “Baissez vos voix—“

“What’s going on?” Hercules whispered to John. He looked terrified. He had never seen Alexander angry before and it was certainly a rare treat to see Lafayette enraged as well.

_Oh, poor Hercules._

“Je ne vais pas présenter des excuses pour la vérité!” Alexander argued. He was right. Alexander hadn’t lied. It was Burr who made him look bad.

“Spectrum pulled their sponsorship of Alex’s campaign,” John explained underneath the screaming match.

“Où est votre prevue?” Lafayette asked angrily. “Show me the receipts.”

“You want to see? You want to see what I was talking about? That Burr is a damn liar?” Alexander pulled out his phone and opened the conversation from Burr. He slid the phone over to Lafayette.

Lafayette’s eyebrows rose in stunned silence.

“Mon Dieu,” they whispered. Hercules seized the phone to read the conversation in question. “This has to be Burr. He’s the only one I know who signs his texts and emails with ‘Your Obedient Servant’. But that’s not his phone number.”

“Could be a burner phone,” Hercules said idly as he tapped through his phone.

“A what?” Lafayette asked, deeply confused.

“A burner phone,” Hercules began, still looking through Alexander’s phone, “is a phone you buy with cash, use for a specific purpose, then throw it away. Number can’t be traced since it’s not registered to a particular person. Worse, it could be a burner app and he can generate as many phone numbers as he needs to harass you without being caught without spending the 20 bucks at the drug store every time he needs one.”

Then he locked the phone and slid it back to Alexander. They all stared at him incredulously.

“What?” Hercules asked, mildly offended. “I was a big fan of _The Wire_.”

Lafayette’s face softened as they reached across the table and took Alexander’s hands in theirs.

“Alexander,” they said kindly, “I am incredibly sorry I did not believe you.”

John could feel the anger leave Alexander’s body.

“And I guess I should thank you for not telling Peggy about me and John,” Alexander resigned. It was something John hadn’t considered. Their reaction was that of someone who only believed Alexander only had eyes for their sister, not that he was secretly fucking his roommate.

“You’re damn right I didn’t,” Lafayette nodded.

“So do I get the Spectrum nomination back?” Alexander asked sweetly, turning on the puppy-dog eyes. John wouldn’t have said no to that look. And, well, he hadn’t.

“Now that I can’t promise,” Lafayette answered. “Peggy is still very skeptical of your motives, especially when they heard from Angelica that you’ve been spending a lot of time with Eliza—“

“—Who knows I’m dating John. It’s all platonic,” Alexander said confidently. John gently stroked Alexander’s leg with his thumb.

_Damn right._

“Except when you tried to kiss her, apparently,” Lafayette added.

_I’m sorry what?_

John pulled his hand from Alexander’s knee.

“You tried to kiss Eliza?” he asked tightly. When was that? Was that when John wasn’t around? Did he sneak out during their weekend together to get together with Eliza—

Alexander grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

“It was when Burr was in my head,” Alexander said reassuringly. Then, in his bedroom voice, he added, “You know how I feel about you…”

And _oh,_ what that voice did to John.

“Yeah, he’s got you in his phone as John ‘heart’ and has screenshots of all of your ‘I love you’ texts,” Hercules remarked as he took another bite of mashed potatoes.

John’s heart warmed. His Alexander was as sappy and sentimental as he was.

“Aw! Alexander!” he cooed with a smile. If he could have kissed his boyfriend right there, John would have. It was far too sweet.

“You need to not go through people’s phones,” Alexander said brusquely to Hercules who only shoved another spoonful of food in his mouth. John rolled his eyes at his boyfriend’s ridiculousness. 

“Come at me, bro,” Hercules said through a mouthful of potatoes.

* * *

It was at John’s insistence that they went somewhere else other than their dorm room after dinner. Alexander needed to get out of the energy of Burr Burr Burr, so he suggested the library. John had homework and Alexander needed a distraction.

He knew the Special Collection rooms offered a modicum of privacy and they were lucky to find one of the study rooms available. John might have been a little too excited because it was a chance to be affectionate with Alexander in a space that wasn’t in the privacy of their own dorm room. Those four wall were starting to feel like a prison, confining their relationship to the tiny space.

The door was closed and with only a small window to look out, John knew there was no way for anyone to really see what they were doing in the room. He took the liberty to rub at Alexander’s back as he was hunched over the laptop and John read up on 1830s Labor Laws. Feeling the warmth of Alexander’s body under his hand was just as comforting to John as it was to Alexander. This finally felt _normal_.

Alexander got a text message and immediately turned back to his laptop. John could feel the muscles in Alexander’s back tighten into something different than their previously relaxed state.

“What’s going on, Alexander?” he asked.

_Please let it not be Burr getting to you again._

“I’m beating Burr in the polls!” Alexander said excitedly. “I’m beating Burr!”

“What?!” John said. That was the _last_ thing he was expecting Alexander to say. He turned the laptop for John to see.

It was a live-blog of the debate, titled “ELECTION THIS FRIDAY: Who Should Win? Aaron Burr or Alexander Hamilton?” and in the poll section, readers had voted for Alexander, 54% to 46%.

“Oh my god, Alexander! That’s amazing!” he cheered.

Alexander scrolled down and there were so many positive comments about Alexander and how passionate he was. It warmed John’s heart that there were all these people who saw his boyfriend for the person he truly was and not the man who was having a bad day. He couldn’t help but laugh with joy at the lightness he was feeling.

His wonderful, beautiful, smart, compassionate boyfriend was _winning_. He couldn’t have been prouder or more in love than he was in that moment.

Alexander did that. He made people fall in love with him the same way John did: quickly, deeply, and recklessly.

John looked to Alexander who was staring at him with such hunger. John felt that gaze straight to his core. He leaned in and captured Alexander’s mouth in a glorious kiss, feeling the triumph of the day under his lips and in his body and just wanted to do something.

His Alexander had done something momentous and brave that day. It was time for John to do the same.

He broke the kiss and slid down onto his knees in front of Alexander. His heart sped up as he took in the sight of this magnificent man above him and he felt like he would have done anything for Alexander in that moment.

But he knew what he really wanted to do.

John placed his hands carefully on Alexander’s thighs, allowing his knees to bracket John’s torso.

“John…” Alexander whined.

“Tell me no and I’ll stop,” John said deliberately. “But I _really_ want to suck your cock. Right here. Right now.” He ran a finger up Alexander’s zipper and _oh_ , he was hard already. John’s mouth flooded with saliva at the thought of putting that firm flesh between his lips.

“I don’t know why anyone would say no to this,” Alexander muttered.

“Is that a yes, Alexander?” John asked as he tugged at Alexander’s zipper. He ached for a concise—

“ _Yes._ ”

Alexander and John worked him out of his jeans, pulling them down to mid-thigh before John fished his hard cock out through the slit of his boxer briefs. The warm, soft flesh in his hand made John want to whimper. His cock may not have been impressive in size like John’s, but its characteristics were all Alexander Hamilton. Strong, defined, stubborn. John ran his fingers down the length, feeling the veins and the skin pulling at his touch. He thumbed at the head, pre-come already pooling there, and John just wanted to _taste_.

It was a fantasy of his, to suck another man’s cock. To revel in the power bestowed upon having another man’s dick in his mouth and be able to pull him apart with just that.

And his first was going to be Alexander Hamilton.

John curled his fingers around Alexander’s cock and brought the tip to his lips.

“Oh, fuck,” Alexander said softly. John licked at the slit, tasting the fluid puddled there and _oh Lord_ , did he want to taste more of that. Alexander swore again, clearly taken by John’s hesitancy. Yet how would he react to a more daring move?

_Let’s see._

With that, John sucked all of Alexander’s cock into his mouth.

“Oh _fuck!_ ” Alexander shouted, his words echoing in the room. John immediately pulled off, keeping his lips tight around Alexander’s length until they came off with a soft ‘pop’.

“You need to stay quiet, Alexander,” John warned him kindly.

“You need… you need to not…” Alexander muttered. John giggled.

Only his first time with a dick in his mouth and John seemed to have broken his boyfriend.

_Well, if Alexander is going to be like this, I may as well try some things I might like._

He took Alexander’s hand and brought it to his head, his fingers tangling in John’s loose curls.

“I really like it like this,” he said seductively. He loved it when Alexander had his hand in John’s hair when they made out, so this should have been something he would have loved.

John took Alexander’s delicious cock back into his mouth. With the first pull of Alexander’s hand in his hair, directing his lips up and down his cock, John was _sold_. The soft skin of Alexander’s dick dragged against his lips and John was growing light-headed with the new sensation.

“You look so beautiful on your knees,” Alexander murmured.

**_Oh_ ** _._

John had factored in _Alexander’s_ mouth. Him with his words and his voice and his _everything_. John moaned shamelessly around his cock as he felt his own cock throb in his jeans, the hard length pressing torturously against the zipper.

“You like that, John?”

John hummed his enthusiastic assent.

_Like you wouldn’t believe_.

“You suck my cock so well, John,” Alexander praised him. John tightened his lips to prove him right. “I can’t believe a mouth like yours isn’t used like this all the time. I bet you would like that. Just sucking me while I write for _hours_. Your mouth was made for this, wasn’t it, John?”

_Oh god_ , that wasn’t something John had ever thought about or even something he thought he wanted until that very moment. It could have been his current position and being absolutely full of Alexander Hamilton, but John wanted that. He wanted Alexander to fuck his mouth for hours. Days. Weeks. Just use him for sex.

He moaned louder as his fantasies multiplied. Alexander placed his other hand against John’s face and directed his mouth so that the head of his cock was pushing on the slick inner wall of John’s cheek. He could feel the protrusion with Alexander’s other hand emphasizing the purely obscene sight he must have been.

“Look at those freckles,” Alexander purred. “I think this is the best they’ve ever looked.”

Alexander was taking from John everything he had to give. And John _loved_ it.

Alexander’s fingers pulled at his hair as he directed John more forcefully to take his thrusting cock. He started slow and John appreciated the patience, but he wanted to take as much as Alexander was willing to give him. He wanted to be used and to give and to take. He gave Alexander a challenging stare, which must have worked because his speed picked up. Soon, he was literally fucking John’s mouth and John didn’t want to be anywhere else but at Alexander Hamilton’s feet.

He watched with a heated gaze as his boyfriend unraveled, his breathing becoming more erratic, his eyes more unfocused, and his brow creased.

“John, I’m gonna—“ Alexander whined.

_Give it to me. I want it, Alexander._

Alexander let go of his hair and came, flooding John’s mouth with spunk. John pulled his mouth off Alexander’s cock and contemplated the taste. The saltiness of it on John’s tongue was different than the pre-come he had tasted earlier. Yet this was a thousand times better because there was simply _more_.

He also wasn’t prepared to get rid of his hard work so quickly.

He wiped his mouth off on his sleeve for dramatic effect and moaned. Alexander stared at him, his eyes hazy. John honestly believed he broke him in that moment because he wasn’t moving. Just breathing. Usually Alexander was so chatty after sex but here he was, completely devastated.

John carefully stood, keeping his mouth shut and holding that delicious liquid in his mouth for as long as he could. He tucked Alexander’s softening cock back into his pants before bringing his lips right up to Alexander’s ear and _swallowing_.

Oh, the thought of having the pure essence of Alexander Hamilton being _inside_ his body hadn’t hit John until then. And now he felt _hungry._

“Congratulations, Alexander,” he whispered in his boyfriend’s ear before sitting down facing him. He could feel his own cock still hard and demanding against the front of his jeans.

“What—I mean—you—“ Alexander attempted to speak several times, but the words weren’t seeming to get out. John laughed. He in fact _did_ break his boyfriend. John had never felt so proud of himself.

_And for a first timer? Not so bad if I have to say so myself._

“Alexander,” John said playfully, “why don’t you pull up your pants, we’ll return this laptop, and go home to properly celebrate. Besides, I have a little problem of my own I need your assistance with.”

“Little?!” Alexander choked out. “You are not little!” John laughed again, brightly. A broken Alexander Hamilton was a hilarious Alexander Hamilton, apparently. He leaned in and kissed his slack lips.

“C’mon, Alexander. The longer you take, the longer I’ll make you wait. And winners deserve a prize,” he flirted before kissing Alexander one more time and stepping away from the table. He grabbed the rental laptop from the table and waited for Alexander to get his bearings. Together, they exited the room.

It was then that John was reminded of where they were. They weren’t in the privacy of their tiny dorm room. This was the _university library_ in the Special Collections study rooms. John was able to check a small mental box in being like all the other college kids who fucked in the library. But his felt like a larger victory, a victory inside another inside another.

“Could you carry me home? My legs don’t work,” Alexander whispered. John smiled as he stepped up to the counter with the laptop, leaving Alexander to lean against a doorway.

The clerk took her time putting the laptop away and retrieving Alexander’s ID, but by the time John turned back to Alexander, he looked like he had seen a ghost. John felt rather smug about his abilities.

_Wow. I really did do a number on him, didn’t I?_

“C’mon, Alexander,” John murmured in his ear, “We’ve got something to take care of at home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How interesting that this chapter doesn't have the same ending as its sister... Hmmmm...


	9. answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets more answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! The chapter y'all have been waiting for!
> 
> My life is a shitstorm right now, but at least I've got this, right?
> 
> Also, (ragt)f is officially longer than (hhh)eoy. I hope y'all are happy.
> 
> And HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALEXANDER HAMILTON!

John was on Cloud Nine. He felt free. He felt _alive_.

Did he really just do that? Did he really just fall to his knees in a library study room and not only give his boyfriend the most spectacular blowjob but _swallow?_

If John looked in a mirror, he wasn’t sure he’d recognize himself.

Alexander made him so much bolder than he already was. The John Laurens of last semester would have been too terrified to even consider kissing a boy in the library, let alone put one’s cock in his mouth where anyone could have walked by.

Part of him was terrified someone saw them. But part of him _hoped_ someone saw them. He wanted them to see him, a proud gay Latino man on his knees for the frontrunner of the open Student Senate delegation seat, sucking his dick like a _god_. He wanted them to see Alexander, _his boyfriend_ , falling apart under his touch. He wanted them to be jealous, wishing they were either of them because the tableau of them was too much to handle.

John walked with a skip in his step, his knuckles brushing softly against Alexander’s as they hiked back to their dorm room. He desperately wanted to grab Alexander’s hand and drag him off to a dark, secluded corner for Round #2.

But Alexander was silent.

_He’s probably still reeling from what I did to him back there._

John glanced over at Alexander’s face and the smugness he felt washed away when he saw how pale Alexander had gotten.

“Are you alright, Alexander?” he asked worriedly.

“No, I’m not alright,” was the choked-back reply. 

John took Alexander’s hand without hesitation, onlookers be damned.

* * *

 

Once back in their dorm room, John tried kissing Alexander, tried to rekindle the passion from the library. Instead, Alexander shoved John away, said “I think I’m going to be sick,” and bolted out of the room.

John followed him as Alexander ran down the hallway and into the bathroom. He went with him into the stall and when Alexander dropped to his knees at the toilet, John dutifully held his hair back. Alexander retched a few times, everything from dinner coming up and into the bowl. John rubbed his back and whispered soothing words in his ear.

“It’s okay, baby girl,” John murmured sweetly. “Breathe. Just breathe.”

Eventually, they made it back to their room. John cautiously watched Alexander as he circled the room aimlessly. Once it was apparent he wasn’t going to sit down any time soon, John resigned to change into his pajamas and climbed into bed. He hoped that this simple, silent action would entice Alexander to lie down with him and sleep, but he seemed content to pacing a trench into their floor.

“Alexander, would you please lay down? If you're sick, you should sleep,” John said tiredly. His worry for Alexander was evolving into frustration. There was only so much John could do without physically grappling Alexander into the bed.

Instead, Alexander continued to pace, muttering quietly to himself. John couldn’t make out any of the words.

“Alexander, I would like to kiss you _before_ I fall asleep instead of slap you because you wouldn’t _let_ me sleep,” John said firmly.

It was one thing for Alexander to pace. It was another thing for him not to tell John _what_ he was pacing about. John grew concerned it had to do with their tryst in the library.

_He was fine until I turned my back and he realized what a mistake that was. God, how could you have been so stupid, John? Making stupid mistakes, pushing Alexander too far too fast. You broke him earlier because he didn’t consent. He didn’t want any of it. **Fuck** , just talk to me—_

“Alexander!” John yelled.

Alexander froze in his place, wide eyes staring at John like he had been smacked in the face.

“I forgave you for not reciprocating when we got back to the room, but you have been acting so weird since we left the library,” John said as he sat up. He tried to keep his voice level, but he could feel the tears welling in his eyes. “Did I do something wrong? Was that too much for you? I won’t do it again. We don’t have to do any of it. We can go back to being friends if it’s too much.”

A tear streaked down his cheek. He had tried to hold on for so long.

More tears started coming as Alexander quickly climbed into bed with him, straddling his lap and pressing him into the mattress. He kissed John deeply with his fingers twisted in his hair. The sudden fit of passion surprised John and he found himself only able to place his hands on Alexander’s sides.

Alexander drew back and stared at him seriously. His gaze was laser-focused and clear. John felt helpless under him.

“Don’t you _ever_ think I don’t want you,” Alexander commanded. “I mean _ever_ , my dear Laurens.” He held John’s face gently in his hands, the warmth of his palms calmed John immensely. “I love you more than I ever thought imaginable.”

John wanted to start crying for a completely different reason.

“Then _what_ is going on?” he asked worriedly. If it wasn’t him, then what was it?

Alexander climbed off of him to sit up against the wall. John wished he had stayed. He felt safe and protected with Alexander’s body covering him. Instead, he sat up as well, right next to Alexander, and rested his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. He threaded their fingers together, taking careful note at how perfectly their hands fit together. He could feel Alexander breathing deeply beside him. The gentle rhythm of his breathing alone could have lulled him to sleep.

It was such a peaceful moment. It was a time for John to calm himself down. His tears had stopped, though a few still clung to his eyelashes.

Then out of the content silence, Alexander murmured, “Burr saw.”

And the whole world crumbled around them.

“What?” John asked, alarmed, picking up his head from Alexander’s shoulder.

“Burr texted me at the library,” Alexander explained. “He sent me a photo of us in the study room.”

The whole room tilted.

“What?”

John’s breathing was shallower. His heart was racing. His hands were shaking. His vision was fuzzy. His grip tightened.

“And he threatened to send it to your father if I didn’t drop out of the race. And I don’t know what to do.”

 _Burr **saw**_.

He felt Alexander’s arm wrap around his waist and he cuddled into John’s side like an anchor in reality.

“It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay, John,” Alexander murmured into his warmed skin. He peppered his neck in light, comforting kisses.

Yet nothing could stop the frustration, the anger, the _rage_ that welled up inside John. How _dare_ Burr take an intimate moment between him and Alexander and turn it into blackmail? John finally had a balanced, loving relationship, one where he was able to quell his internal homophobia and love Alexander with all of his heart. And Burr had to take it and shatter it into a thousand pieces.

But this wouldn’t have happened if John hadn’t been so _fucking stupid_.

“Why can’t I ever get what I want?” John whispered, the rage bubbling in his throat. “When things are finally fitting together and going right, when I make a stupid mistake—“ Alexander rested his forehead against John’s temple.

“Please don’t think what you did was a mistake,” he pled.

“It was a _huge_ mistake,” John said, choking back a sob. “I should have waited until we got back to our room to celebrate. We’ve been so _good_ , so _careful_ —“

John wanted to kill himself before his father did. _How_ could he have fucked up _this badly?_

“You were so vulnerable, so _brave_ , doing that for me and showing me exactly how I can make you happy. I don’t know how to say this any clearer: You were perfect,” Alexander said honestly, holding John just a little tighter. “Please stop thinking you did anything wrong.”

“But—“

“ _Burr_ did something wrong,” Alexander interrupted. “He will stop at nothing to defeat me, especially if it means hurting everyone I love in the process. Remember? He did this before. He got in my head and kept me from you. I refuse to let him do that again.”

He knew he should listen to Alexander. His wonderful, caring boyfriend who was so being so logical in such an illogical situation.

John wanted to be happy with his very first boyfriend and slowly come out to everyone and be accepted and graduate and then come out to his father when he didn’t need him anymore. Alexander wanted to be happy with John and advance his academic career on the Student Senate and make changes and John wanted to see those changes.

He wanted to curl into Alexander and disappear from the world.

“Then what are we going to do?” John whispered.

“I don’t know,” Alexander replied hollowly.

“Because my dad can’t know.”

“I know, I know.”

“And you won’t quit.”

“I know, I know.”

“And I won’t ask you to quit.”

“I know, I know.”

“And you won’t leave me.”

“ _Never_.”

Alexander’s words weighed on him like a heavy blanket.

Something was going to have to give.

 _You can’t always get what you want._  

They didn’t sleep that night.

* * *

 

John’s paranoia grew as the sun rose the next day. He was nervous every time one of them left the room to use the bathroom. At one point, he tried to convince Alexander that they could just pee in their sink like some of the other guys on the floor, but Alexander put a stop to that. (“We can’t live in fear, John!”)

They spent the whole day in their room, barely speaking and barely sleeping. They napped intermittently and in shifts at John’s request. He worried that if both of them closed their eyes, that Burr was going to come in and take more photos to blackmail him with. It wasn’t quality sleep by any stretch of the imagination. Just quick catnaps and only after the crying stopped.

They missed classes that day. John knew Lee would have his head for ditching his class a second time, but _who really cared_. Lee could tell his father anything he wanted and it still would never match up to the photos that now existed.

_How could you have been so **stupid** , Jack? Stupid boy. Stupid stupid stupid._

By the time dinner rolled around, Alexander bravely asked John if he was okay enough to see their friends for a meeting. If there was anything to do, Lafayette, Hercules, and Eliza could help.

Reluctantly, John agreed.

He didn’t know how comforting it would be sitting in a loud, crowded cafeteria with his four closest friends, even in the aftermath of a nuclear devastation.

No one had spoken yet, though the others seemed eager to hear what happened and why they were there.

Eliza put down her mug of coffee and gently placed her hand on Alexander’s. John wished he could be as open with his affections with Alexander in that moment because he _needed_ that physical comfort.

“Tell us what happened, Alexander,” she asked gently, holding his hand between hers.

Alexander glanced over at him. He looked lost, the fear he felt echoed in Alexander’s eyes. But they needed to know. He didn’t want to beat around the bush. He had done that enough, pretending he and Alexander weren’t an item and then _this_ happened.

“We fucked in the library and Burr got a picture of it,” John said bluntly. Lafayette choked on their soda while Hercules dropped his fork in shock. “He’s threatening to send the photo to my dad if Alexander didn’t drop out of the race.”

“Oh my god,” Eliza murmured. Lafayette shook their head in disappointment.

Oh, he was _not_ getting that look from Lafayette who he _knew_ had sex in multiple public places around campus because they would text him after _every single encounter_.

“We were in one of the study rooms in Special Collections! You know, the ones with the little windows!” John said defensively. “People have sex in there all the time!” He looked pointedly at Lafayette whom he got the idea _from_.

Thankfully, all three of their friends nodded in agreement, even drawing a quiet “Been there” from Eliza.

“So what did he get a picture of?” Lafayette asked smugly. Hercules must have read John’s mind because he smacked them in the arm.

“Don’t answer that. Please,” Hercules begged politely.

“What are you going to do?” Eliza asked.

“We don’t know,” Alexander replied. “We stayed up all night coming up with different options and so far, murder is the only option where everyone wins.” John rolled his eyes. Alexander brought up murder once and John said no. He was not letting Alexander go to prison and knew Alexander would never shut up enough to be able to go on the lam.

“That does not sound like a win-win scenario,” Eliza said doubtfully.

“It’s a win-win in that Burr doesn’t win and John’s dad doesn’t have to find out,” Alexander argued.

“But you’d go to prison.”

“It’s really a win-win-lose situation,” Alexander admitted. “But that’s why we wanted to meet with you all here.”

“What can we do for you?” Lafayette asked.

_And therein lied the problem._

“We don’t know,” John answered. It frustrated both of them that they couldn’t come up with a simple solution that was a win-win-win. Most of the logical solutions caused one of them to lose and neither of them was satisfied when the other had so much at stake. John, his education. Alexander, his reputation.

Eliza straightened in her seat, sitting tall, and glanced keenly at each of the men at the table.

“Let’s think gentlemen,” she said plainly. “What do we know so far?”

“Burr has a photo of me sucking Alexander’s dick in the library,” John said candidly. Lafayette’s entire face lit up.

“He is definitely using a burner phone app,” Alexander said as he pointed to Hercules who pumped his fist.

“Okay, what else?”

“He threatened to tell my dad, who will disown me and might even kill me if he finds out I’m gay,” John said. He could feel his chest tightening at the thought.

“How do you know he’ll disown you?” Lafayette asked. “My father wasn’t happy when I told him I was queer but he also wasn’t surprised after he saw me leaving the house in skirts and nail polish.”

Unlike Lafayette, John actually still cared what his father had to say.

"He's said no 'fag son' of his was going to survive in his house and then told me that unless I started dating girls, people were going to think _I_ was a fag,” John said simply, leaning his elbows on the table. He gave a tight, bitter smile to Lafayette because it was the sorry state of John’s shitty childhood.

“No, that photo of you sucking Alex’s dick is what makes you a fag,” Lafayette said smugly. If he weren’t so exhausted, John would have strangled Lafayette right then and there. Alexander threw up his hands in frustration.

“This isn’t funny, Lafayette,” Eliza reprimanded.

“Do you want to see the photo, Lafayette?” Alexander said irritably. He pulled out his phone and tapped through it, opening the photo in question. John wasn’t thrilled by Alexander’s idea, but when Lafayette’s long arm reached across the table for the phone, there was no stopping the train now.

The impressed look on their face was enough to make John blush.

“Wow,” they chuckled. “You two look great.” John slowly lowered his head to the table, dying from embarrassment. Though, there was a tiny part of him that was proud. His most sexually adventurous friend just complimented him and his boyfriend when he had his cock in his mouth. Unfortunately, the shame John felt over the whole situation overshadowed this potential silver lining.

“Damn, son,” Hercules swore. “Didn’t know you had it in you?

_Oh god. Now **Hercules** is looking at it?_

“This is a weird angle for this photo,” Eliza said, confused.

_Eliza too?!_

“What do you mean?” Alexander asked. John wondered the same thing. He picked his head up off the table and stared at Eliza, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Well, Burr’s only what, 5 foot 8, 5 foot 9?” she continued, taking the phone from Lafayette’s hands. “This photo was clearly taken by someone who is at least 6 feet tall.”

“How can you tell?” Hercules asked, amazed. John could practically see his heart eyes as he stared at Eliza.

“Well, I’m 5 foot 7,” she explained, “And there are these three guys in my photography class who are all over 6 feet tall. Sometimes in class we have to take photos of the same objects, standing in roughly the same spot. Our professor always points out that depending on how tall you are, your photos will look different from someone else's even if you stand in the exact same place. This is not an angle I would have been able to take comfortably and stealthily. It’s definitely someone over 6 feet tall.”

It certainly made some sense. John wasn’t photographer, but he understood what Eliza was talking about. He may have also been hoping it made some sense because his life had been upturned to where nothing made sense.

“I’m sorry, Eliza,” Lafayette said, befuddled. “You’re saying that Burr might have an accomplice?”

“It’s a possibility,” Eliza shrugged.

_An accomplice?_

“That would require Burr to have friends,” Alexander scoffed. “And I know he has none.”

“I didn’t say friends. Just someone who agrees with Burr.”

The table fell silent. John still couldn’t believe any of it. His brain was so clouded and foggy from sleep deprivation and hunger. He hadn’t touched any of his food that night. He could barely remember two hours ago let alone if he ever saw anyone with Burr. No one was with him at the radio debate, but if it weren’t for him, Alexander would’ve been in the same boat. Burr didn’t really seem like the socializing type.

John could feel his depleted blood sugar draining him further.

He wanted to eat and sleep, preferably in his own bed, cuddled up with his boyfriend, pretending the world wasn’t ending.

“Who knows about your dad, John?” Hercules asked. John opened his eyes. He couldn’t believe he was nodding off for a second there.

“Oh! Um, all of you, I guess,” he answered. He didn’t really discuss his home life with anyone expect his closest confidants.

“No, that’s no good,” Alexander said, shaking his head. “Burr has access to school records. He could have looked up John’s information and seen his dad's name.”

Yet Hercules’ smile grew.

“But who knew about John’s _relationship_ to his dad? Who knew this photo would ruin John? No one would know John was gay unless they saw something like this or had prior knowledge,” he explained, his excitement mounting.

There was only one other person in the school who knew John was gay.

“This photo was taken by someone who was angry at John and Burr knew exactly how to use this person’s intel against both of you.”

And that person was _furious_. 

“ _King George._ ”

* * *

 

John glared at George’s apartment from the safety and warmth of Alexander’s car. He couldn’t believe where he was. He couldn’t believe he’d been sitting in the car for 2 hours. He couldn’t believe he was sitting outside the apartment of the man who was about to _ruin his life_.

Over a _blowjob_.

_Are you fucking kidding me._

John had never been so enraged.

Not when his father told him fags went to hell. Not when he was told he wasn’t as smart as his siblings. Not even when his mother died and left him alone with that _monster_.

“Where is that motherfucker?” he snarled as he stared out the passenger window.

“Be patient, John,” Alexander said cautiously.

**_Fuck_ ** _patience._

John had been patient all his life. He waited until he was in high school to come out to himself. He waited until college to start coming out to others and dating. He was waiting until graduating to come out of the closet to his father and finally _finally_ live his life to the fullest.

John was _tired_ of waiting.

His hand tensed on the door handle when a set of petite headlights danced down the street.

It was a blue Mini Cooper.

And John was out of the car.

_I’m going to fucking kill him. I’m going to **fucking kill him**_ **.**

“John!” he heard Alexander call for him, about 20 feet behind him getting out of the car.

John was on the warpath and he hoped Alexander was smart enough to stay _out of his way_.

George, in all his tall British glory, emerged from the car.

“King George!” he yelled angrily.

George looked over to him and smiled. He acted like he had done _nothing_ , that his life was _perfect_. He dared to smile at John, knowing _exactly_ what he had done. And John _hated_ him for it.

It put more fury into each step, his knuckles cracking in his clenched fists.

“John, what are you—“

John drew back and launched a fist into George’s face, landing against his jaw with a sickening _CRACK_. George stumbled back, his nose already bleeding, and tripped in the snow. John was on him in a flash, straddling his stomach and _wailing_ on his face. He threw another punch at George’s face and this one connected with his nose.

He felt the bone break under his knuckles.

John felt _alive_.

His fists kept flying as George attempted meekly to defend himself. Even with their size difference, George couldn’t throw John’s weight off him, not when he couldn’t see through the blood pouring down his face.

“You motherfucker!” John screamed as he nailed George right in the eye. “You told Aaron fucking Burr—“

“Get off me!” George yelled back, his words muted by his broken nose.

Another. And another. And another.

John wanted to make sure George’s face was _unrecognizable_ when he was finished.

“John! Stop! He’s had enough!” Alexander’s words sounded distant even as he seized John’s arm, keeping him from hitting George again, and pulled him off the ground. His hands were tight against John’s biceps in a brutal attempt to cage John in.

“You’re insane, John!” George said furiously, propping himself up on his elbows.

John wanted to _laugh_.

“I’m insane? _I’m_ insane?!” he spat back. “I’m not the one who took something private, something I told you in confidence, and tell _Aaron Burr!_ ”

“You broke my heart!” George accused.

“So you blackmailed me?!” He pulled against Alexander’s grip. No luck.

“I didn’t know what he was going to do with it!”

“With what? The picture you took of my boyfriend and I in the library? You didn’t know that _that photo_ was going to be used for blackmail? You’re a bigger idiot than I thought.”

“John—“ Alexander said warningly.

“No, Alexander,” John interrupted hotly. “This son of a bitch wanted me to suck his dick all the time and I wouldn’t do it. I told him I was saving some things for someone who actually _loved me_ and wasn't using me as a side piece!"

“So is this your boyfriend, John?” George asked, then said condescendingly, “Alexander Hamilton?”

George didn’t have the _right_ to even _think_ Alexander’s name.

“Yes,” John snapped. “Alexander Hamilton is my boyfriend and he’s ten times the man you are. And his cock tastes _fucking delicious_ —“

_Oh god, it does._

“John! John!” Alexander cut him off, trying to soothe him. The warmth and solidity of his body pressed against John felt like a trap John was stuck in. He had to idly watch George _get up_ when he should have been six feet underground.

“Unbelievable,” George muttered as he staggered away from them.

Alexander’s fingers dig into John’s arms again as he leaned away from him.

“Why did you side with Burr?” Alexander asked calmly. It amazed John that he wasn’t just as livid and could even keep an even-temper around this horrible man. George looked back at them.

“I don’t know,” George said bitterly. “Why don’t you ask Burr? He’s the one who contacted me. He told me that if I helped him that he could help me get John back.”

Oh, now John was _George’s_ bargaining chip?

“Guess that’s not fucking happening, is it?” John taunted. “And if you tell Burr we were here, I’ll rip your dick off and shove it down your own throat!”

George shook his head as he hobbled into his apartment, locking the door behind him. He could bust the door down. He could. John pulled against Alexander, who only wrapped his arm tighter around John’s chest.

“John,” Alexander said evenly, petting at John’s chest. The motion was soothing and John began to realize where he was. He was standing outside his ex-roommate’s apartment, being held steadfast by his boyfriend, and there was blood in the snow.

The stickiness of George’s blood on his knuckles slammed John back to earth.

He turned in Alexander’s arms, fearful of what he had seen. That was the John he had vowed to leave behind when he graduated high school. That was the John who hadn’t channeled his anger into anything and fought everyone. That was the John who had lost _everyone_.

His heart pounded for an entirely different reason.

“Oh my god, Alexander, what did I just do?” he whispered, terrified at what Alexander must have been thinking of him.

But Alexander _kissed_ him. And he kissed him with _passion_.

John didn’t quite understand, but under Alexander’s lips, he melted.

“I love you so much,” Alexander murmured against his lips. Those words were a melody he never wanted to stop hearing.

“I love you, too,” John replied.

Alexander drew back and John could see the heat and desire on his face. He was in disbelief that he was having this reaction to John’s rage.

But then again, John couldn’t believe how perfectly the world dropped Alexander into his life.

“Let’s go home so you can take me to bed,” Alexander said seriously.

John smiled. His heart bloomed with love. This wonderful, beautiful man wanted John in all of his faults. 

“Let’s go home.”

* * *

 

John quietly let the door click shut behind them as he watched Alexander stand aimlessly in the center of their room. He had been acting curiously on the ride home from George’s. He had rested his hand high on John’s thigh the entire drive, even when parallel parking one-handed proved to be more difficult than he expected. He had gently scrubbed John’s bloody knuckles clean with snow outside their dorm, his fingers cradling John’s hand in his.

John hung up his coat and pulled off his boots, watching Alexander carefully. He was staring at everything like it was brand new to him.

But all John could see was Alexander.

He slowly stepped up to Alexander and draped his arms around his neck, pulling them close together. Resting his forehead against Alexander’s, John closed his eyes. The energy emanating from Alexander felt potent and powerful. John was intoxicated it. He felt Alexander wrap his arms around John’s waist. John felt safe and secure, protected and loved.

But something still scratched at John’s insides. He knew what Alexander wanted. And he was very nervous.

“Are you sure about this, Alexander?” he whispered timidly against Alexander’s lips.

“With you, I never have any doubts,” Alexander assured him. “And I want you. I want everything you have to give me.”

John waited for a punchline about his huge cock. When he realized one wasn’t coming, he teased, “No dick jokes? About everything I have to give you?”

Alexander laughed.

“None right now,” he replied. “Though now that you mention it…”

It eased John knowing that despite this huge step they were about to take, they were still able to make jokes and still be themselves. He kissed Alexander firmly, taking in his soft yet chapped lips.

“I love you, Alexander,” John sighed.

“Not as much as I love you.”

“Okay,” he resigned. He was too nervous to argue with Alexander. He didn’t really want to, either. He was fighting against so much already that all he wanted to do was be in love with Alexander Hamilton.

Alexander kissed him softly, and John just _melted_. His tongue slid against John’s and John couldn’t help but moan. Alexander tasted so _good_. He wanted to drink from Alexander’s tongue and be drunk on his flavor. And then he remembered how Alexander’s come tasted and _oh_ the heat that pooled in his groin. He could feel himself growing hard and he shifted to press his erection against Alexander’s thigh.

One of Alexander’s hands sneaked down and he cupped John through his jeans, the heat of his palm radiating from above the fabric. The pressure was tantalizing and perfect. He moaned louder, imagining Alexander just working him through to orgasm with his mouth around John’s cock.

 ** _Oh_**.

“Alexander…” John whined.

“Yes, John?” Alexander asked coyly.

“While I’m happy to keep doing this, I thought you had something else in mind,” he reminded him.

Alexander stared at him wildly. John could only imagine thing things going through his head, the ideas, the plans. His Alexander was so creative and brilliant that he probably had a list of everything he wanted to do to John and was simply spinning the Rolodex to find the perfect one for the evening.

“I want you to pin me down and fuck me,” Alexander exhaled. “ _Fuck_ , make me yours, John.”

For some reason, that was not at all what John had in mind.

But now that was _all_ he could think about.

He drew back from Alexander, took his hand, and led him to bed.

“Come to bed, Alexander,” John said seductively. He sat down on the edge of the bed and should not have been surprised when he got a lapful of Alexander Hamilton straddling him and kissing him for everything he had.

John instinctually grabbed Alexander’s ass and helped grind his hips down into John’s. _God_ he could feel Alexander hard against him. It was a heady feeling John hoped he’d never get over. He couldn’t believe he was here: sitting on the edge of a bed he shared with his _boyfriend_ with said boyfriend writhing hotly in his lap _because_ of him.

Alexander gently pushed against his chest and John followed willingly, excited to see what Alexander had planned. He flopped back on the bed, his arms spread out, and reveled in the cool sheets against his overheated back. Alexander’s nimble fingers popped open the buttons on his shirt to reveal his skin beneath. He slid out of John’s lap and onto the floor as he got further down John’s shirt.

Then Alexander couldn’t stop staring at John’s bulge like a man starved. John swore it would have been hilarious if it weren’t so fucking _hot_.

“Do you want to suck me, Alexander?” John purred.

The look Alexander gave John could only have been described as disbelief. It was as if John was bestowing the greatest gift upon him and he was unworthy.

“ _Yes, please_.”

He skimmed his hand down his stomach and unbuttoned his pants. Hastily, he shoved both his jeans and briefs down his thighs because he was not waiting for Alexander’s mouth when he was giving him a look like _that._ His cock sprung free and slapped against his stomach. John held it in his hand and let it stand proudly between them. Alexander shifted to get his mouth closer to John’s cock, his lips dropping open in anticipation.

John never thought he’d see a more beautiful sight than Alexander Hamilton between his legs, patiently waiting for John to feed him his thick cock.

He gently rubbed the glistening head against Alexander’s lips, watching the clear fluid smear obscenely. Then, he let his cock push past Alexander’s lips and into the heat of Alexander’s mouth.

“Oh, fuck,” John swore quietly. Alexander quickly took more of John’s cock into his mouth and John wanted to _cry_. He now understood exactly why Alexander reacted the way he did in the library. It felt _incredible_. The wetness of Alexander’s mouth was downright sinful around his cock. His lips stretched tight around his girth. His tongue danced along the underside. He took John deep into his throat and when John could feel Alexander’s gag reflex flutter around the head of his cock—

Alexander _moaned_.

The vibrations sent warning bells into John’s brain. He knew if he didn’t get Alexander off his cock that instant, he was going to come _fast_ down his throat. Not that John would have minded, but he desperately wanted to get to Alexander’s real plan. He threaded his fingers into Alexander’s hair and gently pulled his mouth off his cock.

And _oh_ how Alexander knew how to use his mouth.

“I want to be closer to you, dear,” John said tenderly as he stroked at Alexander’s cheek. He couldn’t stop staring at his _mouth_. But he had to stay focused. His fingers traveled south to Alexander’s t-shirt collar. “Can you take this off for me?”

Without hesitation, Alexander tugged off his shirt and threw it haphazardly to the floor. John yanked off the rest of his pants with Alexander’s help at his ankles. Soon, John was gloriously naked in their bed with his boyfriend looming over him, still in his pants.

“You are magnificent, John,” Alexander murmured, taking John in.

“Take off your pants and join me,” John said, scooting further onto the bed, fully stretched out. Alexander did as he was told and climbed into bed, straddling John’s lap. The way he positioned himself let John’s cock rest right in the cleft of his ass and he imagined Alexander from this view, working himself up and down on John’s cock. He couldn’t help but chuckle at how Alexander always seemed to set himself up like that.

“Alexander Hamilton, you just love being on top of me, don’t you?” he teased. Alexander bit his lip and nodded. “I’m surprised you don’t want to ride me, then.”

“Maybe next time,” Alexander said softly, as if he too was lost in that beautiful picture. “But tonight, I know what I want.”

And he wanted John.

“Okay,” John smiled.

He carefully rolled them over, allowing Alexander to settle against the bed. He lingered over Alexander, staring at his beautiful boyfriend. He looked like an angel dropped from heaven. His warm tan skin glowed in the soft light of their room. His inky black hair fanned out from beneath his head.

John couldn’t believe this amazing man wanted him inside him.

The press of Alexander’s heels against his ass, effectively grinding his cock against his ass reminded John where he was.

And John was suddenly terrified Alexander would be disappointed.

“Yes, dear?” Alexander asked curiously.

“I’ve just…” John said, trying to keep himself from panicking. “I’ve never done this before.”

Alexander’s eyes widened ever so slightly with surprise.

“George and I never got further than grinding and a few handjobs,” John blushed. Alexander’s jaw dropped.

“You’re telling me that yesterday at the library was your first blowjob?!”

John nodded shyly. He hoped it wasn’t substandard. After having Alexander’s mouth on him for the first time, he could now see why Alexander reacted the way he did after he came.

“But you said you liked—?” Alexander asked.

“I have a very active imagination,” John explained. “And I’m a very fast learner.”

Alexander stared at him like he was meeting God.

“I am so not ready for when you have more experience.”

Oh, so John _did_ blow Alexander away yesterday.

But Alexander was still so confident. He didn’t seem nervous at all.

“Have you…?” John queried. He was surprised they hadn’t really talked about this until now.

_I guess it’s because when sex is involved, our mouths are a little busy doing things other than talking…_

“Yeah,” Alexander said simply.

“Oh.”

He wasn’t going to be Alexander’s first.

He was going to be compared to his previous lovers and boyfriends.

Alexander had _experience_.

John had a real reason to panic now.

Alexander ran his fingers softly on John’s cheek. He desperately wanted to lean into the touch but he was paralyzed with anxiety.

“Talk to me?” Alexander asked timidly. John gulped.

“I just… I thought we’d be each other’s firsts,” he murmured. How naïve he’d been thinking Alexander hadn’t slept with other people. _Of course_ he had. He was beautiful and wonderful and so very sexy—

“John, you are the first person I have ever fallen in love with,” Alexander assured him, his eyes soft and pleading. “The most important first, in my opinion.”

Hearing Alexander say he loved him would always bring joy to John’s heart.

“Then we do share a first,” John whispered. Because he loved Alexander with his whole heart. It may have been soon, but he couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.

Alexander shifted his hips, dragging John’s cock over his dry hole. John instinctually thrust a few times, feeling the skin pull against his cock.

“John, _please_ ,” Alexander moaned.

It didn’t matter how many people Alexander had slept with. John would never say no as long as Alexander Hamilton said his name like _that_.

He kissed him sweetly before leaning over to the bedside table to grab their lube and a condom. He placed the condom next to the pillow for easy reach and took the lube to drop a large dollop in his fingers.

John’s heart pounded in his chest as he placed his slicked fingers against Alexander’s hole. He wavered between pressing one finger, then two against his hole. He watched Alexander’s face for how many. Alexander nodded with a small grin.

“Surprise me,” he whispered.

It might have been impatience or it might have been curiosity to see how much Alexander could take, but John pushed two fingers into the hot cavern. John’s head swirled with the impossible heat from Alexander’s body. He could barely think that his cock was soon going to be entering that small, tight hole.

 _Oh my **god**_.

“Oh my _god_ ,” Alexander murmured. John wiggled his fingers, feeling the walls of Alexander’s body giving against the pressure. “Oh my god, that feels so good.”

“Yeah?”

“ _Yes_.”

His body opened slowly and surely under John’s careful ministrations. He loved feeling Alexander get looser around his fingers, knowing _he_ was the one doing that to him. He wanted to make sure Alexander was ready for his cock. The last thing John needed was to hurt Alexander on their first time together – his first time _ever_.

He rested his other hand against the flesh of Alexander’s belly. John loved the little bit of a tummy Alexander had. He loved the softness of his body because it was so much more to grab and bite and kiss at.

Alexander’s erection never flagged as John fingered him. Small drops of pre-come had dribbled against Alexander’s stomach.

_God, he wants this so badly._

Alexander pawed at John’s hand, stopping his actions.

“John, I’m ready,” Alexander said certainly.

It was go time.

“Are you sure?”

Alexander glanced down to John’s cock. An excited smile appeared on Alexander’s lips.

“Oh yeah.”

John chuckled.

“Alright.”

_Deep breaths. Deep breaths._

He grabbed the condom from beside the pillow, unwrapped it, and carefully unrolled it onto his dick. The condom felt strange on his cock. His touch felt muted through the latex as he smeared the lube on.

John repositioned himself above Alexander, the head of his slick cock resting against his hole. His heart pounded against his chest as he readied himself.

_Three… two… one…_

And then he was pushing in.

Alexander was _hot_ and _tight_ and John steeled himself so he didn’t come instantly. He took his time, concentrating on his breathing and not on the beautiful way Alexander opened up for him. His body was like an impossible vice on his cock, squeezing him until he was all the way seated inside Alexander’s body. His pelvis gently rested against Alexander’s ass and he couldn’t _believe_ it.

_I am **inside** Alexander Hamilton. Holy shit._

“Fuck, you’re so _big_ ,” Alexander groaned. The words came deep from his lungs and sounded like _pain_. John started to pull out, hoping to ease the discomfort.

“Alexander—“ Alexander dug his heels into John’s ass again, pushing him back in.

“No, no,” Alexander said, shaking his head. “I love it. Love you. Please. Just let me feel you.” He clenched down on John’s cock and color popped behind John’s eyes. He hissed.

“Don’t do that,” John commanded. He was going to come so quickly as it was and he wanted to last.

But Alexander smiled widely and bore down again. John inhaled sharply.

“Alexander, I swear…” John warned.

“What, John?” Alexander asked innocently. “What do you swear?”

Oh god, did John want to really fuck Alexander into the mattress for that.

He grinned and shook his head. Alexander didn’t know what was coming.

John confidently took each of Alexander’s wrists and raised them above his head. He looked beautiful like this, his body taut and lean, just opened to be fucked. John laced their fingers together, reveling in the innocence of their hands but the filthiness of their hips. He pulled out a couple inches, the slick channel of Alexander’s hole providing no resistance, then slammed back in, his balls smacking obscenely against Alexander’s ass. He did it a couple more times, each time pulling out a little bit further and plowing back in. John got to the point where just the head was left in Alexander and in one swift motion, slammed his entire 10 inch cock in. He felt Alexander’s body just _make way_ for his cock and _accept_ him and _welcome_ the intrusion.

Alexander Hamilton felt so _incredible._

 ** _Fuck_**.

John now understood why people were sex addicts because he could absolutely do this – fuck Alexander Hamilton – every second of every day.

He sped up his thrusts, just taking and taking and taking and taking. The drag of his long thick fat cock in Alexander was addictive and heady. His boyfriend seemed to enjoy it as his eyes grew wider and darker with each thrust. _Fuck_ , he wanted to do this forever.

“Is this what you wanted, baby girl?” John asked darkly.

_I could fuck you anywhere anytime. Just bend you over a desk or a chair or a table in the cafeteria and just **fuck** into you. Take that fat cock whenever I say._

“ _Yes_ ,” Alexander sobbed. “You’re everything I wanted.”

Even when he was at his most feral, Alexander always found a way to John’s heart.

He had to kiss Alexander, swallow his moans, taste his sweet tongue, as he fucked into him repeatedly. Alexander grew more and more helpless, his kisses becoming uncoordinated and messy. And like a far away song, John heard Alexander babbling against his lips.

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you—“

Alexander threw his head back as he bore down on John’s cock, squeezing ruthlessly, as he came long and loud. The tightness was overwhelming.

“Alexander, I’m gonna—“

“Please, John, do it. Come in me—“

That brought up a thousand more thoughts of fucking Alexander bare and having his come fill up his tight hole—

John shoved his cock in one last time and came hard, stars blooming behind his eyes. It was the hardest he had ever come in his life. That morning masturbation session couldn’t even hold a candle to fucking the real live Alexander Hamilton.

Alexander kissed his cheek as he came down, returning to Earth with his gentle caresses and kisses on his lips.

The sweet moment lasted for a bit before the condom started to feel uncomfortable around John’s softening cock. John tried pulling out and was met with resistance. Alexander tightened his legs around him.

“Alexander…” John chided. He chuckled. He wanted to stay in Alexander too, imagining falling asleep with his cock still nestled inside his body…

“Yes, John?” Alexander replied with a small laugh.

“You’re going to need to let me go.”

“But you feel so good…” he whined.

“You know,” John said mischievously, “we can always do this again. But you need to let me take off the condom because it’s starting to hurt.”

 _Dear Lord are we doing this again_.

“Fine,” Alexander resigned. John eased out and immediately missed the heat of Alexander’s body. He wanted to live in that heat. He pulled off the condom, tied it, and dropped it off the side of the bed. Alexander’s stomach was a little sticky from his own release, so John grabbed the nearest shirt from the floor – his own – and wiped off both of their stomachs. Once they were clean enough, John laid back down next to Alexander, curling around him, an arm slung over Alexander’s chest.

John was exhausted but the best kind of exhausted.

“That was amazing,” he breathed.

“I don’t know about amazing,” Alexander teased. “’Life-changing’ is far more accurate.” John snorted with laughter. “Seriously. I think your cock changed my life.”

John laughed loudly and Alexander joined him. They just had full-on, penetrative sex for the first time and Alexander still couldn’t shut up about John’s cock. It was so endearing.

“Well, I’m glad I changed your life in some way,” John sighed. He might have stood up to Alexander’s other partners, but he could still be second or third in other rankings.

Alexander rolled over and faced him. He stared at John seriously, his eyes dark and focused.

“You changed my life the moment I saw you,” Alexander told him. Honesty dripped from every word and it may have been the endorphins from sex but tears sprung to John’s eyes.

“Me too,” he agreed because it was _so true_. Without Alexander, he wouldn’t have stood up to George, wouldn’t have come out to his friends, wouldn’t have found the simple happiness of being. He’d still be fighting and scraping alone to survive. _God_ , he just had sex for the first time thanks to Alexander.

Alexander draped an arm over John’s waist and pulled him close. They kissed once, twice. Sweet, tender kisses that made John’s heart sing.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Alexander reached up and petted at John’s curls, pushing the sweaty frizz out of his face. He loved it when Alexander touched his hair. He was always so gentle with John, even when John wasn’t gentle with him. John rewound through the night at when he held Alexander down to the bed. It was amazing. He felt so powerful and strong and dominant.

And then his mind flashed back to earlier that night, when he had George down on the ground, his blood on his hands. He didn’t focus on George so much, but the look Alexander gave him and the _kiss_.

John yawned. It had been a long night.

“So I’m guessing you got off on watching me beat the shit out of my ex-roommate?” he asked tiredly.

“It was so hot, John,” Alexander sighed. John chuckled.

“I can only imagine what would happen if I kicked Burr’s ass,” John mused.

“Oh god,” Alexander moaned. “I would ride you right there on the spot.” John laughed.

_Something to keep in mind._

“You’re ridiculous.”

“And you love it.”

“I do.”

Alexander kissed him again.

“I’m so tired, Alexander.”

“Then sleep, John. You earned it.”

Only as he relaxed into the warmth and comfort of Alexander’s body and now their blanket, did John realize just how exhausted he was. His body ached from both the fighting and the fucking. He rolled over to spoon up against Alexander, his back resting against his chest. John had taken care of Alexander and fought for him. Now it was time for Alexander to protect him as he ventured off into dreamland.


	10. plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Revolutionary Crew plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a lot of starts and stops, here's chapter 10! Hopefully the next 3 chapters will come out faster and I'll be able to start on new fics soon! Hooray!
> 
> And thank you to those whom I've talked to (complained to) about writing this fic. I'm still constantly afraid this fic feels stale and I'm doing it for like, 12 people and only 4 of you think it's actually different. So, to the 4 of you, thank you and enjoy!

John passed out _hard_ that night. He was not aware that fucking Alexander would take all the energy out of him. But oh god was it so worth it. John woke up a changed man.

He wasn’t a virgin anymore.

Yeah, he thought virginity was a bullshit concept and was generally there to make people feel bad about not having had sex, but it didn’t take away the way the world seemed a little _brighter_ that morning. He now knew the warmth of being inside Alexander, the tightness, the beautiful way his body opened up around him.  _God_ the way it felt to push his cock into Alexander last night was indescribable. The feeling was heady and made John's head swirl.

And there his boyfriend was, standing in the food court, cooking a waffle.

He plucked out one of Alexander’s sweatshirts to wear that morning. Call it sappiness, but John wanted to be wrapped up in Alexander just a little bit longer. He could smell his boyfriend in the fabric and could not stop thinking about the last night.

John wanted to bend Alexander over the waffle bar right there, shove his cock back into the heat of his body again, and  _take take take._

The parfaits he was making were definitely not his best, not when he was fighting a growing erection.

_You are wearing sweatpants, John. **Everyone** would know._

Lafayette joined Alexander at the waffle bar and they both kept glancing over at him, whispering to each other. Lafayette must have said something scandalous because Alexander blushed and turned back to the waffle maker.

John made his way over to them with his own food that was far healthier than anything on Alexander’s tray. He carefully placed a handmade blueberry parfait on Alexander’s tray.

“Here, I made you a parfait,” he said sweetly.

“Thank you,” Alexander smiled.

“Anything for my baby girl.” Lafayette gagged.

“I cannot handle you two and your love,” he said bitterly. John chuckled. Lafayette was usually the one with trysts and boyfriends and sexcapades. It was nice to be on the other side of it for once, to not be the bitter and alone one. He had sex with his boyfriend last night and no one could take that away from him.

Lafayette led them over to a table where Eliza was sitting with a newspaper.

“Oh! You found them!” she said excitedly

Lafayette slid one of the coffee cups he was carrying to her as John and Alexander settled opposite them. John gripped at Alexander’s thigh under the table, the backs of his fingers brushing against his cock ever so sweetly. With his free hand, John dug into his grits.

“So, what did you two do after dinner?” Eliza asked as she poured two packets of sugar into her coffee.

_Pummeled my ex-roommate into the ground then fucked my boyfriend into the mattress. Perfect evening, really._

“Did you find any dirt on Burr?” she continued.

_Right._

“We did,” he said as calmly as possible, tensing his grip on Alexander’s thigh. He felt fiercely protective after last night, as he had to take care of Alexander in two respects. “Apparently, he made a deal with Burr. George would help Burr in exchange for getting me back.”

“That’s it?” Lafayette asked, disappointed. “You left dinner so abruptly I thought you were going off to murder the bastard.”

“Not quite,” Alexander admitted. “John beat the shit out of King George.” Lafayette raised a mug to John as Eliza shook her head.

“That doesn’t do anything for your situation, Alexander,” Eliza reminded him.

“It definitely helped relieve some frustration,” John shrugged with a smirk.

_Sexual and otherwise._

“Did you get George to talk to Burr and tell him not to send the photo?” 

“Or did you tell him you were dropping out of the race?” Lafayette asked

“Definitely not that,” Alexander scoffed. Eliza sighed, clearly annoyed.

“Alexander, you mean to tell me that absolutely nothing has changed?”

“Well,” he said defensively, “John broke George’s nose again!” The chill from Eliza’s glare made John shiver.

“Alexander—“

“Oh, someone’s in trouble…” Lafayette mocked. Eliza touched their arm.

“Alexander, you need to figure out what to do about Burr. It’s Wednesday, and you have until Friday at noon. If you don’t, the photo that Lafayette will not shut up about will be sent to _John’s father_ ,” Eliza scolded.

“It was a really good photo,” they said, a glimmer in their eye. Eliza rolled her eyes.

_And she has a really good point._

“Why is Burr even working this hard?” John queried as he polished off his bowl of grits. “I mean, he’s well-liked by Spectrum, he follows the rules, he’s an upperclassman, he has views and ideas people can get behind, he's very smart... All Alexander did was challenge the ‘No Freshmen’ policy. I would’ve voted for Burr—”

“Excuse me _what?_ ”

“Before you showed up!” he said defensively. “He was the only one running until you got here, so it’s not like we had many options.” He gripped Alexander’s leg a little tighter, his fingers pressed into his inner thigh. “And if you think I wouldn’t vote for you now, you have another thing coming, Alexander Hamilton.”

He wanted to kiss Alexander to seal that commitment, but not in such a public area.

_Definitely later._

But Alexander was leaning closer.

_Not here not here not here…_

He quickly turned back to his untouched parfait.

“I guess,” Lafayette mused, his head propped up on his fist, deep in thought, “I’m confused why he didn’t think he could win on merit. Why did he have to resort to dirty tactics? Spectrum was still backing him after the debate.”

“But he was suddenly losing to Alexander afterward,” Eliza chimed in.

“Did something come up that we missed?” Alexander asked.

“He was down in the polls and thought the only way he could win was blackmail,” John remarked.

“Which means that something about Alex was so intimidating and so scary that Burr thought he couldn’t win,” Lafayette added.

“Other than everything about him?” John suggested smugly. Lafayette rolled their eyes.

“Yes, we get it. You’re sleeping together.”

“Guys, this is serious,” Eliza said sternly.

John felt tapped for ideas. He had only met Burr the few times at the bursar’s office and the radio station. His view of him was obviously skewed since most of the things he’d heard about Burr were from Alexander himself.

He wanted Alexander to win. But he also wanted a future.

“We have to fight fire with fire,” Alexander stated. “And I know just what I have to do.”

Alexander pressed his forehead against John’s temple, a poor substitute for a kiss goodbye, before grabbing his tray and leaving the cafeteria in a hurry. John blushed. It was the most visibly affectionate they had been in front of their friends in public.

Eliza looked like she was trying not to burst into giggles as she sipped from her coffee.

“What?” he asked, barely containing a smile.

“Oh, nothing,” she said. “You two are cute.”

“Thanks,” John said bashfully. Lafayette was involved in their phone, tapping. They had a distant look in their eyes.

“What’s going on, Lafayette?” John asked. They sighed heavily.

“I just wish that Daddy and I could have what you have,” they said simply.

“Well, why can’t you?” Eliza asked. John knew better than to follow Lafayette down this rabbit hole.

“He wants to keep our relationship completely secret,” they explained. “And while I love how sexy that is, I would love to tell others about it. He’s just wonderful for me, Eliza.”

“I’m surprised you can keep any kind of secret,” John remarked. Lafayette shot him a look.

“I didn’t tell anyone you were gay, did I?” they snapped at John who raised his hands defensively. They were right, though. Lafayette was pretty good at keeping secrets. John didn’t have a clue who their Mystery Boy was and was grateful they hadn’t told anyone he was gay. Not even Hercules.

Eliza glanced between the two of them, anticipating one of them to say something else. When they didn’t, she asked, “Alex went to talk to George, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, probably,” John sighed. He didn’t like the idea of Alexander talking to George alone. After the number he did on his face, John worried George would seek retaliation on Alexander, the one person John cared most about in this world.

_If George so much as to lays a hand on him, I will kill him._

“Well, since neither of you really did any work last night, we should probably do work this morning,” Eliza said, pulling out her laptop.

“I wasn’t planning on going to lecture today anyway,” John sighed. “We’ve gotta figure out a way to nail Burr to the wall. Alexander needs to win.”

“And you need to stay in school,” Lafayette reminded him.

John wanted to ignore Lafayette, but that nagging feeling returned. He was doing this for Alexander. It wasn’t about him. Even if it was all about him.

“Did you download the debate audio?” Eliza asked as she pulled out her headphones. John shook his head. “Okay, I did, I’ve got it on my phone. Here, take this.” She slid the laptop over to him.

She had pulled up the college radio website where an archive of Alexander’s shitshow was kept.

“Oh, there’s a transcript,” John said off-handedly. Lafayette chuckled.

“Some poor radio student had to listen to that horror and write it out,” they commented. John couldn’t help but laugh as well. He loved his boyfriend dearly, but even he didn’t want the task of having to listen to that again.

John glanced up at Lafayette who was still deeply invested in his phone.

“Are you going to help?”

Lafayette showed the screen of their phone. It was on the same transcript page that he was on. John bit his lip and looked back down at the computer screen.

He skimmed through the beginning of the debate, immediately falling back into Monday. That day brought a mix of emotions and suddenly John’s mouth was filled with the taste of Alexander’s cock.

 _Oh, **that** was Monday_.

John shook his head. He needed to not think about that.

They sat in comfortable silence as each of them pored over the debate. Eliza closed her eyes as she listened intently. John could tell Lafayette wasn’t completely invested in the debate when he caught him tapping away on his phone again.

_HAMILTON: “My opponent has been here two and a half years and he has done nothing. He talks a good game, but he has no standing. And if you stand for nothing, Burr, what will you fall for?”_

_BURR: “I have done quite a bit for this school, Mr. Hamilton.”_

_HAMILTON: “Yeah? Where are the receipts?”_

_Oh, Alexander…_

It was difficult to read.

John skipped down to Burr’s arguments. Maybe there was something in there…

_BURR: “That’s a great question, President Washington. Now, as a proud black gay man, I have faced my own share of injustices both in the world and in the classroom. I can bring a unique perspective to the Student Senate. But I do have to raise a complaint, Mr. President.”_

_WASHINGTON: “Oh? What’s that?”_

_BURR: “I’m a bit concerned that my opponent was not clearly vetted for his minority status.”_

_HAMILTON: “I’m sorry, **what?** ”_

John reread that section again, thinking he missed something. But he didn’t.

Burr never actually said anything. He just jumped to attacking Alexander.

“Did you read this?” John asked, turning the laptop around to Eliza and Lafayette, the section of text highlighted. She plucked out a headphone and Lafayette put down their phone. “He doesn’t make a point. He just jumps straight to dissing Alexander. He never makes a real argument the whole debate, actually.”

“That’s amazing, John!” Eliza said, eyes bright.

“And it’s even odder he says he’s a proud gay man,” Lafayette noted. “In the months he’s been in Spectrum, I have never heard him once say that. And that is a safe space. I have never seen him hit on anyone in that group either.”

“Maybe he prefers to be chased?” Eliza offered.

“Not possible. I gave him my phone number and he did _nothing_ with it.” Lafayette seemed mildly disappointed by this fact even after knowing who Burr really was. John rolled his eyes.

“And how long ago did you give that to him? Last night?” John remarked judgmentally. “Some guys take longer than a night to send you a dick pic, Lafayette.” Lafayette let out a labored, exaggerated sigh.

“No, mon ami,” they replied haughtily. “I gave it to him the night he started showing up at Spectrum. Because I would absolutely tap that.” Even Eliza stared at them with a confused look. “Before all of this happened! Before!”

Eliza shook her head. John loved her and was so proud she was able to stick through even the gayest of conversations. Sometimes John wished Lafayette had other hobbies than collecting dick pics.

But it was the curious look in Eliza’s eyes that caught John’s attention. She turned slowly back to Lafayette.

“When did you give him the number?”

“First meeting in October.”

“Wasn’t that the week after you announced the new Senate seat?” she asked.

“How do you know?”

“Pegs was excited you were announcing it on their birthday,” Eliza explained.

John’s eyes widened. All the pieces seem to click into place.

“Don’t you think it’s odd that Burr started showing up at Spectrum the week _after_ the Student Senate seat is announced?” John asked. Given Eliza and Lafayette’s reactions, they were following his train of thought. He leaned closer to them and lowered his voice. “So what if Burr found out about the seat and went to scope out the competition? And when he found out he’d be unopposed, he stuck around? We know he’ll stop at nothing to get the seat and get ahead.”

Eliza eyed him cautiously as Lafayette narrowed their gaze.

“I think Aaron Burr might be straight and taking advantage of the open Senate seat,” John suggested firmly.

“Well,” Lafayette drawled, “it’s not the worst idea you’ve ever had.” Eliza shrugged.

“I don’t know. It’s the best idea we’ve had. The pieces certainly do all fit…” she said, a smile growing steadily on her lips. “That might be it, John.”

John checked his phone. It was almost time for his class with Hercules and he needed to go. They had a quiz and he couldn’t afford to miss it. And having already missed one class that day, John would have felt worse if he had missed a second.

“I’ve got to go, but maybe you can work with that?” John said as he collected his belongings. “Love you both!” He hurried away from the table, leaving Eliza and Lafayette to finish putting all the work together.

* * *

 

John got to class with only moments to spare. He was really cutting it close. He sloughed off his winter coat and bag and dropped into the seat Hercules had saved for him.

“Cuttin’ it close, aren’t you buddy?” Hercules asked, leaning over into his space.

“We might have figured out what Burr is up to,” John explained excitedly. Hercules’ eyebrows shot up.

“Really?”

“Really,” John smiled. “We have a theory he might be straight.”

“Do you need hard evidence?” Hercules asked, his eyes lit up. “I can help you get hard evidence. Let me help you get hard evidence, John. I’ve got all the equipment back at my room and we can plan right after class. _Let me help, John Laurens._ ”

John laughed.

“Of course, Hercules,” he agreed. “And I’ll get you Eliza’s number too.”

Hercules pumped his fist.

“You’re the best, John Laurens.”

 **To Eliza Schuyler** : _Hercules wants to help!_

 **From Baby Girl <3**: _My John. <3_

That was a surprise. It was certainly an appreciated sentiment, but it made John curious as to what was happening with Alexander.

 **To Baby Girl <3**: _My Alexander. I love you! <3 <3 <3 Is everything okay?_

 **From Baby Girl <3**: _Everything is fine. I love you so much._

“Alright, everyone,” Montgomery announced. “Phones, books, notes, everything away except a #2 pencil…”

John smiled before shooting off a final text.

 **To Baby Girl <3**: _Not as much as I love you._

(His text didn’t send. Poor signal.)

* * *

 

After class, he quickly hurried to North Hall to see Alexander and Eliza. He couldn’t wait to share the good news with Alexander and, of course, bask in the energy of his boyfriend’s effortless charm. He wished he could kiss him hello, but that was the price to pay for wanting a secret relationship.

There they were: Alexander and Eliza standing along the icy sidewalk, his notebook in her hands. Gently, John drifted his hand down Alexander’s arm, letting their fingers brush together. Even the softest touch of Alexander’s skin was enough to set John’s heart aflutter.

“Hey baby girl,” he greeted sweetly. “Did Eliza tell you our theory?”

“She did,” he replied.

“And Alex found another missing piece!” Eliza said excitedly, practically bouncing up and down.

“Did you now?” John asked proudly. Now he _really_ wanted to kiss Alexander, his lips looking so supple in the cold winter air. Eliza passed him the notebook and he skimmed over Alexander’s notes from his meeting with George.

There it was.

Burr had been hit on by George, the Blowjob King of Journeys, and _turned him down_.

“No! This is true!” he exclaimed. “He’d go to Journeys all the time and tell me about all the hot guys he blew and how many drinks he got. I thought he was lying when he said he never got turned down, but I went with him one night and it was absolutely true. The guys treat him like royalty down there. That’s why they call him King George.”

“That’s why…” Eliza murmured to herself. “I thought it was because he descended from British royalty or something.”

“Nope,” John said succinctly. “Blowjob King at Journeys.”

“Wow…” Alexander breathed.

“But think about it, Alexander,” Eliza smiled. “Aaron Burr turned down the Blowjob King of Journeys. Who does that except a straight man and John Laurens?” John nodded in agreement.

“It still seems a little flimsy,” Alexander said cautiously. “Washington likes hard, indisputable proof. Saying he turned down a blowjob from King George won’t impress him.”

“So we’ll get him to say it,” John said.

“How?”

His phone pinged.

 **From Hercules Mulligan** : _I’m home! LET ME HELP YOU TAKE DOWN BURR._

 **From Hercules Mulligan** : _AND YOU NEED TO GIVE ME ELIZA’S NUMBER._

“Oh! Eliza! Hercules is home right now!” he said as he patted her on the shoulder.

“Okay, let’s go!” she chirped, taking Alexander’s hand in hers. A small tug in John’s heart made him wish he could do the same.

“Where are you taking me?” Alexander asked.

“Hercules’ dorm. We need to plot!” Eliza replied.

“But we have class—“

It may have been the second class of the day he’d miss, but John didn’t care. They were onto something and they were going to nail Burr. He’d be able to keep his sexuality a secret from his father, Alexander could win the Senate seat, and John was definitely going to blow his boyfriend later. 

“Alexander, trust us. This is _much_ more important,” he assured him. He took Eliza’s other hand, her delicate hand fitting into his. “Let’s go!”

* * *

 

John always loved Hercules’ dorm room. As someone who lived in a double, John was eternally jealous of his friend’s set-up. Very few freshman were able to get single rooms, which made John believe Hercules bribed someone for his room. Either that or living in Quad was that undesirable, an honest possibility.

Alexander and John sat on Hercules’ bed holding hands, their fingers laced together. While it was nice to hold Eliza’s hand, it was even better to feel the perfection of his boyfriend’s hand in his. Eliza sat on the floor with print-outs of the debate transcript she and Lafayette must have printed in the interim. Hercules himself was leaning back in his desk chair as Lafayette was perched on Hercules’ desk, his feet in Hercules’ lap. Lafayette did it every time he was over here and had moderate success in getting footrubs out of Hercules when he did.

But not today.

“So what’s the plan?” Alexander asked.

“Okay! So!” Eliza began as she sat back on her heels. “We need Burr to admit he’s straight, which will be no easy task. We decided the easiest thing that could work would be to coax the information out of Burr while one of us wore a wire.”

Ah, so this was the plan Eliza and Lafayette came up with after he left.

“And since our very own Hercules Mulligan is the president of the school’s Spy Club, it would be pretty easy to do that,” Lafayette added. John looked at Hercules curiously.

“I didn’t know you were the president of Spy Club,” John said. He didn’t even know they _had_ a Spy Club.

“Then I’m doing my job right,” Hercules replied with a wink.

“So who’s coaxing the information out of Burr?” Alexander asked. “He knows who all of us are.”

“Well, he knows the three of us,” John said, gesturing to himself, Alexander, and Lafayette. “But he doesn’t know Eliza.”

“Wait. He doesn’t know you? He knows both Angelica and Peggy,” Alexander asked, turning to Eliza.

“From Spectrum, yes,” Eliza explained. “But I’ve always had intramural volleyball with John on Wednesday nights. And I’m the only one not in PoliSci, so there hasn’t been any class overlap. He doesn’t know I’m the girl people have seen with you around campus. Especially since I’m usually covered by my hat and scarf. And if I lie about my name, there's no way he'll know I'm a Schuyler. I certainly don't look like Angelica or Peggy."

John had only met Angelica and Peggy a couple times and when he had, he was honestly surprised they were sisters. There was no way Burr would be able to tell.

“So what are you suggesting?” Alexander asked hesitantly.

It was so clear to John what the plan was. He assumed Alexander just didn’t want to hear it.

“We’re suggesting Eliza goes undercover to hit on Burr and we record the conversation,” he answered.

“No. No way,” Alexander said firmly. Lafayette shook their head.

“We went through every possibility and every scenario to get back at Burr,” Lafayette said with a sigh, “and this was the easiest method we could think of.”

“I don’t trust Burr,” Alexander argued.

“And we do?”

“You’ve seen what he can do, Eliza!” he shot back. “I’m worried he is going to take advantage of you and hurt you and I couldn’t live with myself if he did something to you. We’re already in this situation because he is trying to destroy John and I’m doing everything in my power to fix it.”

He knew his boyfriend was stubborn, but this was bordering on idiotic. They were his friends, his confidants, his _boyfriend_. He didn't need to do this alone.

Eliza shuffled over and placed her hands on Alexander’s knees.

“Alexander Hamilton,” she stated seriously. “I am choosing to do this for you and John. I want to do this.” John squeezed Alexander’s hand, a reminder that he was there in the shit with him.

“The only problem we have, mon ami,” Lafayette added hesitantly, “is we don’t know when to do it. We thought about having her go to the bursar’s office, but lying about a name there wouldn’t go over well. He also might actually be a professional at work and not take kindly to a beautiful woman asking him out.”

_They really thought of everything when I left, didn’t they?_

“What about the PoliSci party tonight?” Alexander asked.

“Le quoi?” John asked. He remembered vaguely seeing an invite to something on Facebook that evening, but hadn’t had time to check since, _you know_ , he was a little occupied with his gorgeous boyfriend’s body…

“Angelica told me about this PoliSci party some of the current delegates are hosting and Burr will definitely be there.”

“That’s perfect!” John exclaimed. He was right in what he saw online. “Eliza can go to the party as a PoliSci student, flirt with him, get the intel, and Burr will be none the wiser.” He had seen a few spy movies. That’s how it worked, right?

“Oh, and I have the most perfect dress you can wear,” Lafayette said with a smile. Eliza clapped her hands in joy. If it was the dress John was thinking of, Eliza was going to fit perfectly in it. This was going to work.

Next to him, Alexander sighed.

“I don’t know—“

Hercules, who had been silent, finally spoke up.

“Look, I know you’re worried about Burr doing anything to Eliza,” he began. “I get that. We can hook a camera up to her dress along with the wire and a bug in her ear. I’ll set up your car as a remote viewing location so the three of us,” he pointed to himself, John, and Alex, “can watch from down the block. If anything, this might be better evidence for Washington. If Burr lays a hand on Eliza, I’m pretty sure John would volunteer to beat the shit out of him.”

Alexander glanced to him and he smiled widely.

“I would beat him within an inch of his life for you,” he said sweetly before kissing Alexander delicately on the lips. He would

“So what do you say?” Eliza asked eagerly. “We want to help you, Alexander.”

John watched the plan flit behind Alexander’s eyes. He had to say yes, or they had to go back to Square One. John needed this plan as much as he did. He needed to be able to ruin Burr like he ruined them.

Alexander glanced around the room, taking in each of their friends. Then his eyes landed on John and they were full of warmth and love. John could feel his heart reaching out for Alexander.

Then a devilish grin slowly grew on Alexander’s lips.

“Let’s take down Burr.” 

John couldn’t stop himself from kissing Alexander.

_We’re going to win._


	11. mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would. you. look. at. that.
> 
> I got an update out relatively quickly! Hooray! (Though, let's be real, a lot of this is the same dialogue which meant there is a lot that's the same. Whoops.)
> 
> Enjoy!

Alexander parked his car down the block from the PoliSci party. It was a good spot, away from a main thoroughfare and unlikely that a lot of people would be walking past them. The car was warm as they’d been running the heat in the idling car for the last half hour.

It was 9pm. All systems go.

The Revolutionary Crew, sans Lafayette, were suiting Eliza up for her mission.

“And how far is the reach for the camera?” Alexander asked as he fiddled with the iPad Hercules gave him. He was facing forward in the drivers’ seat while John was turned around in his seat, watching Hercules work.

“It’s fine. You won’t have to move your car. Stop worrying,” Hercules said firmly. He was wiring Eliza up with her camera, mic, and earpiece. John could see his typically sure fingers trembling as he touched her so gently.

“And if something goes wrong with the camera, just text me or tell me through the earpiece,” Eliza reminded them.

“So where’s the mic pack gonna go?” he asked, genuinely curious. Hercules held up two Ace bandage-type straps.

“One of these is for the mic pack, the other is for the camera pack,” he explained. “and they’re each going to be strapped to her thighs and attached to a belt she’s already wearing under the dress.”

“Oh, got it.”

Eliza yanked up her skirt to her hips. John could see Hercules take a deep breath to manage the tremble in his fingers as he strapped the packs to her thighs.

“Are you almost done back there?” Alexander asked, his voice tight.

“What’s happening to you, Alexander?” Eliza queried. “You act like you’ve never seen a woman half-naked before.”

It was a shame John couldn’t have done all of this himself and saved everyone the hassle of being attracted to women.

He curled a hand around Alexander’s thigh in an attempt to comfort him.

“It’s okay, Alexander,” he whispered. He knew Alexander was still attracted to Eliza – and what man wouldn’t be? Even he found Eliza beautiful. Not enough to be sexually attracted to her, but he understood the difficulty Hercules and Alexander were facing at the time. Being a gay man in a men’s locker room was the greatest practice in window-shopping.

“I’ll be fine,” Alexander assured him.

“Okay! I think I’m good!” Eliza announced as if she could sense the tension in the car between her and the two men. She grabbed her faux-fur shawl and fixed her hair in her hand mirror. Hercules checked the camera hidden in her brooch.

“Can we check the mic and camera?” Hercules asked, taking the iPad out of Alexander’s hands. The backseat footwells were littered with equipment, making leg room a premium. John was seriously impressed with how the two of them fit in the backseat. Hercules tapped a few things on the iPad, then turned to Eliza. “Talk?”

“Hello, hello, hello,” she said, her voice coming through the tinny iPad speakers. “This is Maria Reynolds to Baby Girl. Come in Baby Girl.”

“That is the last time I let you choose my codename,” Alexander said to John who could only smile. It was really easy to get Alexander to agree to things when John had his hand down his pants. And their quick handjobs back in their room after dinner was proof.

“But you love it…” John sang before leaning in for a sweet kiss.

“Guys? We’re a bit busy here,” Eliza reminded them. She adjusted the bug in her ear.

“At least you’re not stuck alone in the car with them,” Hercules said calmly into the microphone. John knew Hercules was definitely not thrilled about this prospect.

“That is very true,” Eliza laughed. She patted Hercules on the knee. “Thank you for your service.” Hercules chuckled. He loved the attention from her.

Hercules passed the iPad back to Alexander. Eliza scooted closer to the car door.

“Wish me luck!” she smiled nervously. John wasn’t worried for Eliza. He knew she could handle herself. Besides, he’d seen her demolish people on the court and figured she could probably throw a punch if need-be.

Hercules scrambled out of the car and ran around the trunk to open the door for her.

_Good move, Hercules!_

“After you, Miss Eliza,” he said politely, offering his hand for her. She gasped in surprise and took his hand. He gingerly escorted her across the snowy yard, her stilettos proving the task to be a bit difficult. John and Alexander watched as Eliza took a deep breath before turning to Hercules. He said something calming to her, then hugged her tightly. She relaxed in his arms. John was so proud of his boy, making the right moves.

He let her go and she ventured down the sidewalk alone toward the party.

Hercules climbed back in the car, still watching her carefully through the window.

“Is she going to be okay?” he asked Hercules.

“Yeah,” he answered.

The trio held their breaths as they watched her enter the house.

Hercules quickly turned on all the equipment and the party seemed to come to life in the car. Views of the party already in full swing were available on the iPad. Students John knew from class were milling about, drinking and socializing.

A small part of him wished he could be in that party, drinking something fruity and sitting in Alexander’s lap as he argued with some shitty Senior on the purpose of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Later, he’d drag Alexander off to one of the bedrooms and ask him to fuck him against the wall. Then they’d go back downstairs like nothing happened.

 _One day_.

“Eliza, do you see Burr?” Alexander asked into the microphone.

On the iPad, John could see Eliza moving about the house.

“No,” she breathed, keeping her voice down. She went further into the house where there was even a full bar with a bartender.

_When the PoliSci department parties, they party **hard** and **in style**._

She hesitated at the bar, unsure about something.

Eliza pulled out her phone and texted something to Alexander who chuckled. It must have been about drinking because after Alexander texted her back, she was ordering a big glass of wine.

A large PoliSci student, John André by the looks of it, approached Eliza.

“Polite conversation until Burr gets here,” Alexander instructed. He still seemed nervous. John laced their fingers together.

John knew André from a class the previous semester. Everyone thought he was so cute and attractive. John could tell he was queer, but his obvious way of flaunting it was just so, well, _obvious_. He was harmless.

“She’s going to be fine,” John assured him. “She’s not a delicate flower. And I’m pretty sure if anything were to happen, that the three of us could absolutely take down whoever hurts her.”

“You alone could do that,” Alexander said in reply. John nodded. He lifted Alexander’s hand to his lips and kissed his fingers, hoping to soothe him further. Alexander hummed contentedly, his eyelids fluttering closed. He looked beautiful in the dim streetlight and the glow from the iPad screen.

Hercules coughed behind them.

“If you two are going to do that, can you hand me the iPad?” he asked sheepishly. John gleefully handed him the tablet. There wasn’t much else they could do but waste time while they waited for their target to arrive. Hercules hunkered down, watching the screen like a hawk with headphones in. John understood. If it were Alexander in there, John would be a nervous wreck.

With Hercules occupied and the car now silent, John leaned over the console and kissed Alexander tenderly on the lips. He loved the shy responsiveness Alexander gave him. It made him feel stronger, more dominant. Like he knew what he was doing to ruin this man before him.

“Hey John?” Alexander whispered against his lips.

“Yes, baby girl?”

“You might want to stop. I don’t think Hercules would appreciate what I want to do to you in this car if you keep going.”

“No he would not,” Hercules grumbled from the backseat, glaring at them from over the iPad.

John sighed heavily. He wanted to kiss his boyfriend! Sure, they made out at the rally, but no one knew them there. And here, John had his first boyfriend and he was Alexander Hamilton and John wanted to climb over the console and grind all up on him.

Instead, he kissed Alexander loudly, a silent protest to Hercules’ existence in the vehicle. He slumped back in his seat. At least he could still hold Alexander’s hand.

Alexander’s phone buzzed.

“Burr’s at Spectrum!” he exclaimed. Hercules and John sat up quickly. That was _not_ the plan.

“What is he doing there?!” John asked. He leaned over the console to see what Lafayette was saying.

 **To Lafayette** : _Ask him if he’s coming over to the PoliSci party._

 **From Lafayette** : _HE ASKED ME IF I WANTED A RIDE OVER THERE WITH HIM AFTER GROUP. HE’S BEING REALLY WEIRDLY NICE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY._

 **From Lafayette** : _WHAT DO I DO._

“Say yes,” John answered. It was a no-brainer to him. “He can go to the party and we’ll let Eliza know Lafayette will be there so she won’t act super chummy toward him.”

 **From Lafayette** : _If he murders me in his car, I’m killing all of you._

“Eliza,” Hercules said over the microphone. “Lafayette will be at the party soon with Burr. Be aware. Eliza? Eliza?”

But Eliza didn’t respond. She was still curled up in the corner of the room with John André. Most people wouldn’t blame her. She laughed so loudly they heard it over the headphones.

“I can’t get through to her.”

Alexander quickly tapped out a text message to Eliza.

“And now, we wait,” Alexander said.

* * *

 

An hour passed since they last spoke to Eliza. Lafayette would text them occasionally, but they hadn’t left Spectrum yet. It was a slow hour.

The boys in the car had switched places at John’s request. He wanted to sit closer to Alexander and with the offer for more legroom, Hercules accepted immediately. So with Hercules watching the iPad in the front passenger seat and John curled up against Alexander, it definitely made the hour go by easier. It also gave John the opportunity to kiss and nip at Alexander’s neck. The skin was so soft there, his light stubble rough against John’s lips. It felt so _good_ —

“Eliza! No! Stop!” Hercules yelled. He scrambled for the microphone and repeated the same words in her ear. Alexander sat up, alarmed, shifting John with him.

“Is she okay?” he asked.

“She’s going somewhere private with this guy,” Hercules said angrily. “And she just pulled the bug out of her ear and stuffed it in her dress.” He ripped of his headphones and dumped everything in his hands in the driver’s seat.

“Where are you going?” John asked as Hercules opened the car door and exited, a blast of cold air entering the toasty car.

“I’ve got to get her,” he answered. Alexander sat up further and started tugging his coat back on.

“I’ll come with you,” Alexander said. Hercules put up a hand.

“No,” he said firmly. “It’ll look suspicious if you go in there. Not many people in the department know me.” And with that, Hercules slammed the car door.

John was genuinely impressed with Hercules dedication. He was about to win some serious points with Eliza and rightfully so. Hercules deserved an amazing girl like Eliza, and vis versa. He was rooting for them.

He leaned over the driver’s seat and picked up the iPad and headphones. He wanted to see how this shook out. Once he unplugged the headphones, the car was filled with loud party sounds. But on screen, it was clear Eliza was drunk. Her walking was a bit like a boat at sea and her speech was a little slurred. And John André was leading her toward the stairs.

“Eliza!”

_Hercules to the rescue!_

Eliza turned around to face him. He caught her by the elbow as she stood on the bottom landing of the stairs.

“Hercules! What are you doing here?” she asked, flustered.

_C’mon, man. Do something…_

“I know you’re upset with me, baby, but give me another chance,” he finally said.

“Oh, good one,” John whispered. He was so proud of his boy.

“Hercules—“ She sounded so warmly _surprised_ at this.

“You don’t have to get back at me like this. Can I talk to you alone?” he pleaded as he gently placed a hand on her waist.

“ _Yes_ ,” Eliza breathed. It could have been that she was drunk, but John felt Eliza was thrilled by the idea that Hercules was her boyfriend begging for forgiveness. He wished he could see her face.

She took his hand and Hercules led her to an upstairs bedroom for privacy. Once the door was closed, he turned to her and scolded, “Eliza, you’re drunk. Why did you drink so much? You knew you had something to do.”

He sat her down on the bed.

“Well,” she began, exasperated, “they had my favorite wine and I had to wait. I always have to wait. Wait, wait, wait. My sisters are going on with their lives and what is poor Eliza doing? Waiting around for a boy who is in love with someone else. What am I doing trying to get Alexander Hamilton’s affections?”

Her sniffling broke John’s heart.

Eliza and Alexander would have been perfect together.

_They **would be** perfect together._

And here John was, _flaunting_ his relationship with Alexander all over the place. He confided in her about his crush on him and she stayed quiet about her own crush. God, they could have been fighting over him. Alexander could have easily chosen Eliza over him.

She sacrificed her love of Alexander Hamilton for him.

Instead, John waited for Alexander to come to him because he couldn’t do it himself. He was too scared to make a forward move. He waited to come out to Alexander, to everyone. He waited to make friends. He waited to open himself up because he wasn’t sure if he deserved happiness.

“I’ve been where she is,” he murmured. “It’s a painful kind of waiting.”

On the screen, Hercules knelt down in front of Eliza and held her delicate hands in his large ones.

“Eliza Schuyler,” he said tenderly, “You are a strong, intelligent, brave woman who does not need Alexander Hamilton. There are plenty of other guys out there who will love you entirely and completely. So please, don’t cry over Alexander Hamilton. Don’t waste your time on tears.”

He paused, then leaned in and kissed her sweetly on the lips.

John’s heart melted. He was so proud of his boy.

“Okay?” Hercules asked quietly. Eliza nodded.

“Okay. Thank you, Hercules,” she whispered. “You’re a good friend.”

 _She just needs time, Hercules_.

“Now let’s get you cleaned up and head downstairs to deal with Burr.”

Alexander got a text from Lafayette and started texting at rapid speed. Hercules helped Eliza get out of her wiring and prepare for Lafayette to arrive.

But John couldn’t stop thinking about Eliza.

She was just as in love with Alexander as he was. She could have just _said_ something and John would have held back. Eliza said _nothing_ about her crush on Alexander. She painfully watched him write out ‘Mr. John Hamilton’ over and over in a notebook. She had to see them flirt and kiss and hold hands, all the while feeling that _pain_ of not getting what she wanted.

Especially when Alexander loved her back.

John knew he did. The way he looked at her, the way they interacted even when John was there, the way he cared so deeply for her. John wasn’t blind and even if he was, there was no mistaking how much Alexander Hamilton loved Eliza Schuyler.

If Alexander had dated Eliza, he wouldn’t have been in any of this mess.

John made Alexander’s life _worse_.

“I feel terrible,” he muttered. “You two could be happy together and have everything you ever wanted. I know you like her too.”

Alexander stared at him, bewildered.

“John Laurens,” Alexander said seriously. “You need to stop thinking you are not good enough for me. Yes, I love Eliza, but not how I love you. Yes, if I had met her first, I would probably be dating her. But that is not what happened. This is real. This is what I want. So would you please stop acting like I do not love you. I would not be risking my future at this college for us if I didn’t love you with all of my being. A part of me would die if I lost you. So please John.”

And _god_ , Alexander had a way with words.

John surged forward and kissed Alexander hotly, his fingers tangling in Alexander’s hair. He licked his way into his mouth, tasting the deliciousness of his tongue and breathing the same air. Alexander pushed the iPad out of John’s hands so he could confidently straddle John’s lap and _fuck_ , if John didn’t love that. He cradled John’s face between his palms, effectively pressing John into the seat. John was so under Alexander’s spell that all he could do was grab at his lower back.

He would have been content doing that until Eliza and Hercules returned to the vehicle, but Alexander drew back. He left a few sweet kisses on John’s lips before resting his forehead against John’s.

John was dizzy.

“I love you too,” he whispered, trying to get his bearings. Alexander chuckled.

“Thank you,” he said before climbing off John’s lap. “And just think: if we did break up, this semester would get super awkward.”

“Or I might just have to punch you in the face,” John smiled.

“I’ve seen how you hit and I’d rather you didn’t.”

“Then you can’t break up with me.”

“Never.”

John never wanted to break up with Alexander either.

Alexander grabbed the iPad and they saw that Lafayette had joined them in the bedroom. Hercules was nearly done wiring Lafayette up while Eliza lounged on the bed looking lovesick and forlorn.

“You got it?” Lafayette said as Hercules pushed the mic wire up through their hair.

“I’m sorry I messed it up, you guys,” Eliza groaned. She played with the hem of her dress like a pouting child.

“Eliza, you didn’t know Burr was going to be late,” Hercules reminded her.

“But I could have stopped drinking that wine!”

“We’re going to figure it out, mon amie,” Lafayette assured her, patting her on the leg. She slumped back on the bed.

“Alex is going to lose and John’s going to drop out of school and Burr’s going to take over the world and I’m gonna puke on Lafayette’s dress and it’s all my fault,” she said sadly.

“I’m taking her back to the car when we’re ready,” Hercules told Lafayette.

“I’m sure John and Alex are going to hate that,” Lafayette replied, then loudly into the microphone, “Hey! Lovebirds! Put your clothes back on!”

John smiled. How desperately he now wished they could have fucked in the backseat.

“Shame we didn’t have more time for that.”

“Later,” Alexander said suggestively.

John’s thoughts were suddenly flooded with being pressed facedown against the seat while Alexander worked his cock in and out of him and _oh_.

Hercules stepped back from Lafayette who was all ready to go. John’s phone rang. It was Hercules.

“How does everything look from your end, John?” he asked, staring right at the camera on Lafayette’s chest. John turned on the microphone in the car.

“Looks good. It’ll be a good angle on Burr’s face.” Lafayette was so tall compared to nearly everyone else alive.

“Excellent.” Hercules gave a thumbs-up to the camera. He hauled Eliza out of the bed and held her tightly to his side, an arm around her waist. “Okay, Lafayette, we’ll exit first, wait a couple minutes, then you can leave.”

“Oui, oui, Monsieur,” Lafayette saluted. With that, Hercules hauled Eliza out the door of the bedroom and shut the door behind them.

“Burr is in high spirits tonight, Hamilton,” Lafayette warned. “He’s acting like he’s already beaten you.” They meandered around the room, glancing at all the memorabilia and trinkets on the dresser and desk.

“What is he saying?” Alexander asked.

“He’s not really _saying_ anything. He was just being very positive and nice to me. We had a pleasant conversation in the car on the way over here.”

“Did he talk about me?”

“I just said we had a pleasant conversation,” Lafayette deadpanned. “Obviously we did not talk about you.”

They bounced on their toes and exhaled a large breath.

“I’m heading downstairs,” they announced, hand on the doorknob.

“Bon chance, Lafayette!” John called through the microphone.

“Merci,” Lafayette breathed as they turned the knob and exited the room.

Coming down the house steps at that moment were Hercules and Eliza.

John knew he had to get his affection for Alexander out before they returned to the car. He couldn’t fathom kissing in front of Eliza after her tearful confession earlier.

He kissed Alexander fiercely, taking his boyfriend entirely by surprise. While he wanted to grope him and feel him under his hand, John instead slipped his hand to the soft, delicious part of Alexander’s belly right above his belt. A promise of what would come later. Alexander gripped at his biceps, feeling the muscle beneath his fingertips. John drew back entirely and saw the dazed look on Alexander’s face.

“Because I won’t get to do that until we get home,” he murmured as Hercules and Eliza approached the car.

_Perfect timing._

Hercules opened the passenger door and deposited Eliza into the seat. He removed his huge black coat coat and laid it over her, tucking her in. Eliza purred as she cozied herself in the warm fabric. Hercules shut the door and ran around the car to the driver’s seat and shut the door.

“iPad,” Hercules commanded. At that, John passed him the tablet and headphones. Before he plugged in the headphones, Alexander grabbed Hercules’ arm.

“I want to hear how this plays out,” he said. Hercules complied and set the iPad on the dashboard so they could all see.

Eliza rolled over and peered at them in the backseat.

“Oh, hello Alexander. Hello John,” she said sweetly. “Did you guys have fun? Your hair’s a mess, Alexander.” Alexander straightened his hair immediately. John bit his lip. She was so cute like this.

“But did _you_ have fun, Eliza?” he asked cutely. She nodded with a big grin.

“Though I’m sorry I screwed up the plan,” she said, her smile waning. He reached out and stroked her hair.

“You were great, sweetie,” he assured her. “Burr screwed up the plan by being late.” It was a combination of people’s fault, including her own, but after the night she was already having John was not about to tell her that. She turned around in the seat, curled up, and covered her nose with Hercules’ coat. John could have sworn she took a deep, inhaling breath, smelling Hercules on the jacket.

“Have you found him?” Hercules asked Lafayette. Lafayette moved through the living room where the party was still raging. If anything, there were more students there than earlier. Standing room only. It was packed.

“Pas encore,” Lafayette replied. He made his way through the dining room and past a beer pong game in session in the kitchen. And at the bar was Aaron Burr, picking up two martinis from the bar.

“Lafayette!” he said cheerfully. “Here, I ordered you a martini, extra dirty. That’s your favorite, right?”

“It is,” Lafayette answered warily.

“You ordered it at a Spectrum party last semester.”

“Oh, I guess I did.”

John had never seen Lafayette panic before.

Burr gently touched Lafayette’s arm. “Let’s see if there’s anywhere to sit.”

“Qu'est-ce qui se passe maintenant?” Lafayette murmured desperately. It was a good question, considering Lafayette was still following Burr through the party. John saw more people he recognized from the department: Meade, von Steuben, Madison. Everyone was there. And everyone was being so _nice_ to Aaron Burr.

Burr led Lafayette to a private corner where he leaned casually against the wall, his full attention on the Frenchman in front of him.

“I’m glad you could come with me tonight,” Burr said warmly, a smile on his lips.

“Yeah.”

“I’m honestly surprised your other friends aren’t here,” Burr said with a smidge of haughtiness. John shook his head. He was clearly talking about them.

John knew if he were in that party and drunk, he would have laid a fist in Burr’s face.

“Oh, yes,” Lafayette replied. “Hamilton is very busy finding a way to defeat you.” Burr laughed brightly.

“Alexander…” Burr murmured fondly. He didn’t expound. What an act.

Lafayette awkwardly sipped on his martini at a loss for words. Who was this person? Where was the Lafayette John knew? The Lafayette who often wouldn’t _shut the fuck up?_

Hercules turned around to look at John and Alexander, hoping they had something to give to Lafayette. Alexander shook his head. John was still trying to figure out who this imposter Lafayette was. And where this nice side of Burr was coming from.

Alexander typed out a text to their friend.

“Let’s not talk about Hamilton,” Burr smiled. “What made you decide to go into PoliSci? Especially as a Frenchman emphasizing in American politics?”

“Oh!” Lafayette exclaimed. “I’ve always loved America and am very pleased I could come here for school. If I could be an ambassador of sorts between France and America, my life would be perfect.”

Burr listened intently to Lafayette, taking in every word.

“There’s a guy I know who’s studying abroad in Paris right now and he loves it,” Burr said, touching Lafayette’s hand. “He’s in the PoliSci department. I’ll introduce you when he gets back. If there’s anything you miss from France, let me know. I’m sure he’d be happy to bring you something back.”

“Sure, of course,” Lafayette replied automatically.

“So, are you dating anyone?” Burr asked, then sipped on his drink.

Lafayette hesitated.

_Say yes! You are! You never shut up about him!_

“No, no one at the moment.”

What was he doing?!

“Shame,” Burr purred. “You’re a gorgeous person. I would love to take you out on a date if you’d let me.”

“ _What?!_ ” John exclaimed. The whole situation was _ludicrous_. First of all, Lafayette _was_ seeing someone. Secondly, _what?!_

“Excuse moi?” Lafayette asked, equally confused as John. Burr chuckled.

“Yeah,” he said shyly, “I’m not usually so forward, but I think you’re really attractive. I know we don’t know each other too well, but I’d really like to go on a date. You can say no, of course. I just would like to get to know you better. We can always just do it as friends.”

Apparently Burr was _not_ lying about being a proud gay black man.

“Oh, um,” Lafayette stuttered. “I don’t know what to say.”

_You’re already seeing someone, Lafayette! Just say that! Or anything! Say no!_

“You can think about it,” Burr said calmly. “I waited long enough to come out, I waited long enough to ask you. I can stand to wait a little longer.” He glanced down at the floor.

“Hey! Aaron!” It was Meade. Burr acknowledged him with a wave.

“If you don’t mind, Lafayette,” he said softly. “I need to turn on the campaigning charm. Let me know if you need a ride home and we’ll go when you’re ready.”

And with that, Burr slipped out of their corner and into the crowd of students.

John was stunned. He was certain they were right. He should have been lying. Even John who knew he wasn’t his type couldn’t say no to King George. How could they have been so wrong?

But the part that stunned him the most was that they had _nothing_.

Burr was going to send that photo and John’s life was over.

Lafayette down the rest of his drink and set the glass on a nearby plant stand.

“Je m’en vais,” Lafayette muttered.

“Yeah…” John answered numbly over the microphone. Leaving was a good plan.

“Est la voiture dans la rue?”

“Yeah.”

Lafayette robotically exited house and toward the car.

“We’re to the left,” he instructed. Hercules turned on the headlights to signal their location. Lafayette hurried a little faster, their long legs carrying them over the icy sidewalk. Alexander opened the door and Lafayette piled in with them, forcing John to the side.

“Please take me home,” Lafayette whispered, shell-shocked. Hercules threw the car into drive and pulled away from the curb.

His life was over. His career was over.

John’s entire world was crumbling around him.

And there was still Alexander.

The epicenter.

His love and his demise.

John needed comfort even in the place where it hurt the most. He gently touched Alexander’s face and kissed him sweetly.

“It’ll all be okay, Alexander.”

It was the biggest lie John ever told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh. Next chapter is going to wreck you guys. No lie. You're gonna need to emotionally prepare yourselves.


	12. downhill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The downhill slide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. This one's gonna hurt.

John stared vacantly out the car window, watching the quiet snowfall under the passing streetlamps. He was grateful for the silence in the vehicle. He didn’t want to talk about what happened that night. But of course Alexander had to say something and ruin it.

Like he had a habit of doing.

“Do you think he was really asking you on a date, Lafayette?”

“ _Yes_.”

_Was that question really necessary, Alexander?_

John’s brain stung with anger.

Hercules dropped Lafayette off at his dorm before driving to his own. He threw the car in park and climbed out. Alexander left his seat to take over for Hercules. He rolled down the passenger seat window and Hercules popped his head through the opening. Eliza still slept peacefully in the front seat, curled up in Hercules’ thick coat.

“Are you taking her home?” Hercules asked softly.

“I’m honestly not sure where she lives,” Alexander replied. “I think she lives in the Honors dorm, but I don’t know what room.”

_Who **cares**?_

“I’ll take her. She’s got my coat anyway. I’ll pick up my equipment from you tomorrow.”

_Taking advantage of the situation aren’t we, Hercules?_

He opened the car door and Eliza awoke with the first gust of chilled January air.

“Where are we?” she asked groggily, blearily looking up from her cocoon. Hercules scooped her up into his arms, cradling her close to his chest.

“You’re coming home with me,” Hercules answered kindly, shutting the car door with his foot. “We’re going to get you some water, some Advil, and I’ve got a t-shirt and some shorts with your name on them.” She groaned and pulled the coat closer to her body. Alexander rolled up the window as John watched Hercules and Eliza disappear into the building.

It was just John and Alexander.

_Great._

Alexander didn’t immediately pull off the curb. John wanted to scream at him, tell him to take them home so he could plan for his world to end. He didn’t want to talk to Alexander. He didn’t want to look at him.

“Do you want to sit up here with me?” Alexander asked softly.

He didn’t want to. He just wanted to be alone. John wanted to go back to their room, pull their beds apart, sleep separately, and never wake up.

John finally met his eyes in the rear view mirror. Alexander looked _tired_. With the amount of sleepless nights they had had in the last two weeks, it was the first time it showed.

He wasn’t the only one devastated by that night’s turn of events.

It was eating Alexander alive.

Gingerly, John climbed between the seats and slid down into the passenger seat. Alexander offered an upturned palm on the center console. Not a single fiber in John’s being could deny him. Their fingers laced together and that _home_ feeling returned.

He _loved_ Alexander and no one could take that away from him. Not his father, not Aaron Burr, not even himself.

The drive home was silent. The weight of the air between them was thick. Even as they hauled Hercules’ equipment up to their room, the silence still hung like a heavy blanket.

John needed to wash these bad feelings off his body. He hung up his coat and grabbed his shower caddy. A shower would make him feel better.

Then he looked up at Alexander sitting on the edge of their bed.

_Their bed._

His heart always ached for Alexander.

“Do you,” John murmured shyly, “do you want to come with me?”

They hadn’t done this before. With the closeness they had, it was a surprise they hadn’t. But it was late enough that no one would notice that two men were sharing a single stall.

Alexander walked right up to John and kissed him so sweetly that John wanted to cry. His brain was a swirling _mess_ but when Alexander kissed him so beautifully it made everything so clear.

“Yes, of course,” Alexander replied. He let go of John to grab his own shower caddy and they left for the bathroom.

As expected, there was a couple late-night showerers, but with the locked single shower stalls, no one saw them slip into one together. They both methodically stripped naked without much of a sneaky glance at the other. John turned on the shower and climbed into the warm water, Alexander following.

The water felt glorious against his skin. He felt like body was breathing for the first time.

Alexander’s hand skated down his side as he pressed his body against John’s and held him close.

“Alexander…” John breathed, opening his eyes to see his boyfriend with him under the spray.

“I love you,” Alexander whispered against John’s temple. “I love you.”

John felt blessed that it was hard to tell what was tears at his eyes and what was from the showerhead.

He kissed Alexander lovingly, landing on his plush bottom lip first before kissing him fully. His arms wrapped around Alexander’s neck and Alexander’s arms looped around his waist. They had been naked together so many times, but this felt so much more intimate. Alexander’s skin against his own was heavenly, from his nipples to his soft belly to his cock to the tops of his thighs.

When sex was removed from the equation, the summation of their beings was still perfect.

“I love you, Alexander Hamilton,” John sighed against his lips. “May I wash your hair?”

John wanted any excuse to run his fingers through Alexander’s hair, wet or dry.

Alexander smiled.

“Of course.”

John picked up his shampoo, an expensive bottle of specially formulated curly hair shampoo that his father paid for, and squeezed a healthy dollop into his hand. If it weren’t for that formula, John’s hair would have been a kinky curly mess. He secretly hoped that with it, the waves in Alexander’s hair would come out more.

He worked the shampoo into Alexander’s hair, threading his fingers through the wet strands and massaging his scalp. Alexander closed his eyes and hummed happily. It was the first time John had seen him at peace in days. He could see every line in Alexander’s youthful face, the dark circles under his eyes, the pores on his nose, the stubble on his chin. Even in pieces, Alexander was still beautiful.

“Okay,” John said once the shampoo was properly lathered in his hair. He guided Alexander under the water to rinse. Once it was all out, Alexander bent down to retrieve John’s shampoo to do the same. Alexander’s gentle, loving touch against his scalp was so wonderful that John couldn’t help but smile.

The rest of the shower was much of the same. After conditioner, soap. Alexander may have enjoyed soaping up John’s body more than John had expected, trailing the bar very consciously over each of John’s abs then down around his soft cock. But John in turn loved washing Alexander, equally teasing his hole in the same fashion. Though John was glad for the excuse to gently stroke Alexander’s small belly, the soft flesh so plush against his fingertips. He’d never get enough time to worship Alexander’s body.

Maybe this was his last chance.

John turned off the water and they exited the shower, dried off, gathered their things, and left for their room. Alexander unceremoniously dumped his things in his closet and beat John to bed. Once John’s things were put away, he turned around to see Alexander stretched out under the blanket with a corner pulled back to join him.

 _As if I could ever say no_.

John climbed in and kissed Alexander deeply, his mouth opening easily under John’s lips. He kissed Alexander like it could be the last time, because with this time bomb ticking over their heads, it might as well have been the last.

“I feel like I say it too much and that with every time it loses meaning, but I love you, Alexander,” John murmured. Every time he said it, he felt the full weight of the words on his tongue. He didn’t want to lose that.

“You could never say it too much,” Alexander assured him. ““If I could hear it on a loop all day, it would still never be enough.” He brushed a lock of hair from John’s forehead before letting John roll over and rest his back against Alexander’s chest. Alexander’s arm wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer. His fingers lightly stroked the grooves of John’s abs. It sent shivers through him. 

The shower did help John relax and come back to Alexander, his love. But it didn’t stop the nagging, itchy thought: John’s future or Alexander’s?

* * *

 

The sun was barely peeking into the room when John woke up. Alexander was a heavy sleeper when he did sleep, so it was easy for John to slip out from under his arm. If he was going to return Hercules’ stuff and still get to class, John needed to get up early. He dressed quietly and grabbed Hercules’ equipment. It wasn’t a lot and half of it was in compact, organized bags.

He traversed across campus by bus because there was no way John was carrying all that equipment across the river in the snow. The short walk from the bus stop to Quad was unforgiving. The wind bit at John’s cheeks.

The dorm was waking up for the day and a couple students wandered down the hallway in their robes. Some gave him strange looks. Quad was a tight-knit community and a stranger, fully dressed, was walking down the hallway from the outdoors.

Room 34. John raised his hand to knock when the door flew open and he was face-to-face with Eliza Schuyler.

“Oh, good morning, John,” she said, surprised. She was wearing a set of Hercules’ clothes, an oversized t-shirt and shorts, her clothes from the night before in her hands.

“Good morning, Eliza,” he echoed. He knew she was there for the night, but for some reason was still surprised to see her. Hercules peeked around the corner in just a pair of boxers.

“Oh, hey John,” he waved nonchalantly. He glanced down to the bags at John’s feet. “Oh cool, thanks for bringing that over.” Hercules pushed past Eliza to grab his equipment and bring it inside. Eliza stayed pressed against the door as John helped Hercules carry some things inside to his desk. She lingered in the doorway before closing the door.

The room smelled as it normally did, like Old Spice and clean linens. Given how Eliza and Hercules were dressed, John was surprised it didn’t smell like his and Alexander’s room usually smelled.

Regardless, John was going to ask both of them about this later. Alexander was going to want to hear about it, too.

_Alexander…_

John sighed heavily.

“How are you holding up?” Eliza asked curiously, slowly sitting down on the edge of the bed. She placed her clothes next to her and patted the bed on the other side. John unzipped his coat and sat down next to her. Hercules slumped down in his desk chair and wheeled over to sit across from them.

The words were stuck in his throat. He knew how he was doing. He could tell two of his best friends that his world was falling apart. That he was about to lose _everything_.

“Um—“ was all John said before the lump in his throat stopped him. Tears stung at the corners of his eyes. Eliza and Hercules immediately sprung into action. She slid closer, pulling an arm around his waist and hooking her chin on his shoulder. Hercules grabbed a box of tissues from the nightstand and handed a few to John before joining them on the bed.

“It’s okay,” Hercules said, patting John on the knee. He left his hand there, a comforting weight from a man who wasn’t the biggest on physical affection. It made John lose it more.

“I’m so scared, y’all,” John cried, suddenly feeling very embarrassed for not only his tears but his Southern accent slipping out. He usually tried to keep it in check because the boys in boarding school teased him mercilessly over it. But when he was upset, he couldn’t rein it in.

“Understandably so,” Eliza agreed. She wrapped her other arm around his stomach, hugging him closer.

“I mean, I thought we were right about Burr. I put so much weight on that being our answer,” he said sadly.

“I’m sorry, man,” Hercules said.

“I just don’t know what to do. Burr’s going to send that photo to my father who’s gonna disown me. I’m going to have to drop out of college because I can’t afford it. My life is over.” John wiped at his eyes. His tears felt sticky on his cheeks.

“If Alexander quits, you won’t have to worry about that,” Eliza said soothingly.

John barked out a laugh.

 _What a suggestion_.

“We haven’t even talked about that,” John said bitterly. “He’s never once mentioned quitting.”

Eliza and Hercules both looked at him bewilderedly.

“What do you mean he’s never once mentioned it?” Hercules asked.

“He’s never talked about it,” John explained. “We were always finding ways to discredit Burr or take him down so I wouldn’t have to drop out and he could still be in Student Senate. But not once has Alexander entertained the thought of quitting and just waiting til next year.”

His fear morphed into a quiet anger as he realized what was happening.

“It’s always, ‘We have to beat Burr so I can win’, not ‘We have to beat Burr so you can stay in school’.”

Hercules stared at the floor in front of him as Eliza kept staring directly at him.

“That ain’t right,” Hercules muttered.

“No, it’s not,” Eliza said sharply. “I can’t believe it. He says he loves you, but never considers dropping out for you? That’s not love. That’s selfishness.”

That was an arrow to the chest.

“If he really loved you, he would drop out,” she continued. “He would come home to you and leave the political aspirations for a time when it was safe for you to stay in school.”

Eliza was _angry_.

And she was _right_.

Alexander was _selfish_.

And John was _furious_.

“You’re right, Eliza,” he said firmly. “You’re absolutely right.”

John checked his watch.

“I have to go. Class,” he said, wiping his eyes one last time before chucking the used tissues in the trash. He stood up from the bed to face his friends. “I’ll, uh, see y’all around?”

He took in his two friends – who clearly did something together last night – and added, “Y’all are really cute together.”

And with a short wave, John left the room.

Once in the hallway, he felt his phone vibrate.

 **From Baby Girl <3**: _I miss you_.

John’s stomach dropped.

 **To Baby Girl <3**: _You just saw me, Alexander! :P_

They really needed to talk, but John wanted to do it in person.

 **From Baby Girl <3**: _Every second you’re gone I’m dying. Why aren’t our schedules exactly the same? My heart aches when you’re away._

John’s heart ached with a tight constriction.

 **To Baby Girl <3**: _Poor baby girl. <3_

 **To Alexander Hamilton** : _I love you. <3 <3 <3_

* * *

 

John’s class with Lee was atrocious, as expected. The information presented was poorly planned and horrifically demonstrated. Nonetheless, John paid attention because his second option was to break down crying or stare at his phone and hope Alexander called him to apologize and drop out.

One seemed implausible, the other seemed certain.

Near the end of class, he got a simple text from Alexander.

 **From Alexander Hamilton** : _Lunch?_

 **To Alexander Hamilton** : _Of course. <3_

So John met Alexander for lunch.

He let Alexander talk. And talk. And talk.

And John realized just how much talking Alexander really did.

He picked at his salad while Alexander just went on and on about everything and nothing regarding the election, his talking points, what he should wear to the election party. Alexander held an open hand on the table, waiting for John to hold it like they’d done so many times before. John fought the feeling at the base of his spine to take it because he was just so _angry_.

“Washington wouldn’t see me today,” Alexander said bitterly.

_Can’t go a fucking second without talking about this._

“Really?”

 _I don’t **care**_.

“Burr was there too, and Washington wouldn’t see him either.”

_Maybe you should just date Burr. You certainly obsess about him enough._

“Burr’s not backing down from his threat,” Alexander said quietly. “He made it very clear he still intends to send that photo to your father tomorrow if I don’t drop out of the race.”

_Because of fucking course you can’t do that._

“John?”

John glanced up.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to talk about what we should do?” Alexander asked delicately.

John sighed. He could feel the fight in him bubbling in his chest. He wanted to have this conversation in their room because it was not going to be pretty.

“I really don’t want to talk about it, Alexander.”

“Why not?” Alexander asked indignantly. “It’s important.”

“I know it's important, but I want to pretend like everything’s going to be okay?” John replied testily. “I want to pretend that my first boyfriend isn’t going to choose his career over me.”

“John—“

“No, Alexander,” John interrupted. “I know what you’re going to choose.”

_Wasn’t it obvious?_

“You don’t know that, my love,” Alexander pleaded.

And with that, the pot of anger in John’s chest boiled over.

“You really think I don’t know you by now?” John accused. “I’m preparing for the inevitable where I have to drop out of school or, in the case where you do drop out, we break up because you resent me for ruining your chances.”

“I could never resent you.” Alexander sounded _hurt_ but John couldn’t _stop_.

“But you’ve barely ever mentioned giving up,” John replied. “It’s constantly in the search of destroying Burr because you can’t fathom doing something for someone else. Putting something on hold. You say you love me, but do you really know me? We’ve been dating for less than a week, Alexander! Do you know how ridiculous this is? You haven’t even known me long enough to know if you’d resent me.” John laughed derisively. “I mean, I’ve said ‘I love you’ so many times to a boy who doesn’t even know my middle name!

“I have the most to lose from this situation. If you stay in, I have to drop out of college because my father won't support a gay son. If you drop out, I will lose my boyfriend, my best friend, and the best roommate in one fell swoop, because there is no way someone who has known me for all of two weeks will not resent me,” John concluded. “So I’m sorry I’m not in a chatty mood because I’m busy mentally breaking up with my love Alexander Hamilton.”

It wasn’t until he was finished that John realized he was crying again. He coughed in the hopes the lump in his throat would go away. Alexander retracted his hand on the table. He looked so utterly lost.

But his pain couldn’t compare to the pain John felt.

His boyfriend, whom he _loved_ , was choosing his career over him.

And he would do it every time.

John had no agency in this situation. He wanted to _scream_.

Alexander Hamilton was about to ruin his life and there was no way for him to stop it.

“I’m going back to the room,” John whispered hotly. “And if you love me, you won’t follow me.”

He grabbed his tray and left the cafeteria as fast as he could.

He didn’t bother to look back.

In their room, John spent the rest of the day in bed.

The stucco ceiling had never been so interesting.


	13. election

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Election day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY.
> 
> IT'S DONE.
> 
> THE THING I SAID I'D ONLY DO SIX CHAPTERS OF AND ENDED UP DOING ALL THIRTEEN IS FINALLY DONE.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it because I'm gonna take a good long nap before the sequel.
> 
> (Also, warning for the 'F' word in this one. You know the one.)

John was numb.

So numb.

He had managed to fall in love, have his first boyfriend, lose his virginity, and have his heart broken in two weeks.

It had to be a record.

His body ached from lying still for hours.

But it’s all he wanted to do.

He could still smell Alexander in the sheets.

Around 8 o’clock, John managed to roll out of bed and eat some crackers and Poptarts, something that would never be branded as proper nourishment, but it was good enough.

_If you’re treated like garbage, why not eat garbage?_

He sat on the edge of the bed, feeling his world shift to an upright position. He glanced over at his laptop on his desk. It was remarkable to him that Alexander hadn’t managed to come in and take that. He had already used and abused John so much in the last week. It wouldn’t have surprised him to see all of his belongings gone.

John finally pushed himself off the bed to his feet. His legs were wobbly and the world seemed to shift under his feet as he walked carefully over to his desk. He slumped down in his chair and opened his laptop. His phone vibrated and John saw a string of text messages throughout the day from his friends.

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Où es tu?_

 **From Hercules Mulligan** : _Hey, can I borrow your notes from class? I can’t find my notebook._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Jooooooohn <3_

 **From Eliza Schuyler** : _How’d it go with Alexander?_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Are you and Alexander doing ‘roommate bonding time’?_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _John?_

 **From Eliza Schuyler** : _Can you please text Lafayette back? They’re worried about you. I love you!_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Eliza’s worried about you. Hercules is worried too. Is everything alright?_

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _John please text me back. If you don’t text me by midnight, I’m coming over._

John checked the time.

11:48pm.

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _I’m fine. Don’t come over._

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Are you okay?_

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _Yeah._

He slid his phone back on the desk and scrolled through Facebook. John’s eyes glazed over. Seeing all his friends’ smiling faces was a painful reminder of the stark reality of his situation.

And that the library was about to close in 10 minutes.

Which only meant Alexander would be home soon.

John didn’t have to ask him to know where Alexander was. Even in the two weeks they had known each other, John knew how much Alexander loved spending time at the library. The way his eyes lit up when he’d peruse the aisles. How his fingers would trail alone the spines of the books, then jump and trail briefly along John’s spine. The study room.

 _The study room_.

A situation that should have been so severely tainted by Burr’s threat still played so triumphantly in John’s memory. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as he remembered how the tile floor felt under his knees, how Alexander’s hand felt in his hair, how his _cock_ felt in his _mouth_.

_How could I ever forget?_

Even when he was angry with him, John Laurens couldn’t stop singing praises about Alexander Hamilton.

The silence in the room started to pound at his head. John turned on some music. The soothing timbre of Aloe Blacc’s voice drifted through the space.

John took a deep breath in.

And exhaled.

A few songs played and John began to heal. He felt better. At least, well enough to stay upright.

The door opened and Alexander slipped in. John didn’t bother to turn around. He quietly hoped Alexander would just climb into bed without a word. He heard papers shuffling behind him then felt Alexander gently brush back his curls. The kiss he placed on his neck was so sweet, so tender that John got goosebumps.

“Hello, gorgeous,” Alexander purred as he wrapped his arms around John’s shoulders.

John’s eyes closed. His anger slipped away so easily. It just felt so _good_ to feel his touch.

“Hello, Alexander,” John replied softly.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

“I love you.”

The anger wasn’t completely gone. He opened his eyes as he felt a huge packet of paper brush against his arm.

“What is this?” he asked, taking the long essay from Alexander’s hands. He flipped through it. Every page was double-sided, small font. Just pure blocks of text.

But he caught certain words on the pages.

_Election._

_Concede._

_Love._

_Future._

“I wrote it for you,” Alexander explained tenderly against his ear. “You said I wouldn’t love you after this and that we fell into this too fast. But I wanted to prove that you are absolutely wrong. I love you so much, John Laurens.” He kissed John’s neck again, before whispering, “And you don’t have a middle name.”

Of the thousands of tiny pieces John’s heart was in, Alexander Hamilton managed to glue each and every one of them back together.

With his best weapon, Alexander had written John a love letter – no, _novel_.

John turned around. He didn’t think he had any more tears left in him. He kissed Alexander fully and completely.

“I love you so much, Alexander Hamilton,” John murmured. “I love you. I love you.”

He kissed him again, deeply, licking into Alexander’s mouth. _Oh god_ how he tasted, his tongue sliding so _deliciously_ against John’s.

He was _home_.

John could feel every nerve-ending waking up and his body arching under Alexander’s touch.

Then Alexander drew back. John whined. The few pecks Alexander gave him were not nearly enough.

“I have to write my concession speech, so I’ll give you time to read that,” Alexander suggested. He stood up and sat at his desk, pushing aside papers to find a legal pad. Words flowed out of him as he immediately set to work.

John slowly stood. He kept his laptop open, the dulcet tones of Aloe Blacc still dancing around the room.

He climbed into bed and got comfortable.

 

> _My most beautiful John,_
> 
> _Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish, my Dear Laurens, it might be in my power, by action rather than words to convince you that I love you…_

The essay, by all definitions, was beautiful. Alexander poured himself into his words. On every page, John could feel his body grow warmer, like Alexander’s hands were lightly caressing him with every loving word. His love radiated from the pages, waxing poetic in every line. It amazed John how much Alexander had to say from their one week old relationship, but it echoed how John felt. There were these intense emotions that he couldn’t name that he had never experienced before Alexander walked through that door.

Then when John got to the pages about how Alexander felt when they had sex, John wasn’t sure he’d survive. He could feel himself growing hard at Alexander’s descriptions of how John’s cock felt fucking him open, how it felt in his mouth, how much he craved John to fuck him whenever wherever. Alexander even listed the things he wanted to do with John, some of the suggestions as tame as making out at parties to falling asleep with John’s cock inside him.

By the time he reached the end, every bit of John’s body was lit up, from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. His cock was hard and straining against the front of his shorts.

Oh, how he wanted Alexander. He wanted that brilliant man more than he had before. This man that was sacrificing his own goals and dreams for him, this man who showed he was so selflessly giving to John.

He knew exactly what he wanted.

John pulled off his t-shirt and shorts and carelessly threw them to the floor. He rolled over and pulled out a condom and lube from the nightstand drawer. He lay back, stark naked against the sheets, his hand around his cock.

“Alexander?” he called sweetly, trying to get his boyfriend’s attention.

“Yes, dear?” Alexander answered. He didn’t look up.

“Alexaaaander…”

Alexander turned in his seat and when his eyes finally landed on John, all the air was sucked out of the room. John could see Alexander’s eyes go pitch black and _wide_.

“Why don’t you come to bed?” John purred.

In a flash, Alexander was out of his chair and stripping naked to climb into bed with John. He crawled over John’s body, pressing his rapidly hardening erection against John’s own. John grabbed at him and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

There was nowhere else John wanted to be at that moment than under Alexander.

“If you write an essay like that after every fight we have, I will never win with you,” John said breathlessly against his lips.

“What do you want to do, my love?” Alexander murmured.

John reached over for the condom and lube he left beside the pillow.

“I want you inside me,” John whispered. He kissed Alexander delicately on the lips.

Alexander closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Yes, yes, yes…”Alexander babbled as he ground his erection against John’s. It was wonderful to feel his enthusiasm, especially when he trailed a hand down John’s body to run his fingers up the length of John’s cock. His fingertip stroked the slit and drew a gasp from John.

“I’m still not over how big your cock is,” Alexander confessed.

John burst out laughing. He just asked Alexander to penetrate him for the first time and all he can think about is _John’s_ dick.

“God, I can’t believe I’ve had it inside me,” he continued, a small smile tugging at his lips. Alexander was so ridiculous! “Are you sure you want to do it this way? Because I would absolutely ride you just like this, John.”

As much as that suggestion sparked countless fantasies for John, he wanted nothing else in the world.

“I’m sure.”

Slowly, Alexander sank down and kissed him so tenderly. His fingers tangled in John’s hair, the curls wrapping around his grip. John pressed the bottle of lube against Alexander’s arm to remind him of what he needed before he got too overzealous.

“I’m ready, Alexander,” John murmured against his lips. “I don’t want to wait anymore.”

Because if John waited any longer, his nervousness was going to reach peak levels.

Alexander took the lube from John and sat back on his heels. He poured a dollop of liquid on his fingers, recapped the bottle, and dropped it at John’s feet.

John’s heart sped up as he watched Alexander lean down and balance himself over him. He suddenly felt his warm, slick fingers against his hole. John bit back a whimper. With his eyes closed, he focused on his breathing for the obvious discomfort that was about to happen.

Then, when Alexander just circled his fingers without pressing _in_ , John cracked an eye open.

“Alexander, please,” he begged softly.

Alexander stared at him intently, his eyes shining in the light, as he slowly pushed a slick finger into John.

The intrusion was not uncomfortable like he thought, but it was certainly _very_ different. John almost wanted to push at Alexander and tell him no, that this was not going to happen, that he was too scared. He would cede and let Alexander ride him and they would forget this portion of the night ever occurred.

“Breathe,” Alexander whispered into John’s neck, right beneath his ear. John did as he was told.

_Deep breath in. Deep breath out._

Alexander moved his finger in and out and as he did, the strange feeling dissipated and was replaced by enjoyment. It felt like nothing after a while.

“Can you add a second?” John asked sweetly. Alexander kissed his jaw.

“Of course, John,” he answered, slowly adding a second finger alongside the first.

While one finger felt comfortable, two felt _pleasurable_. The fullness made his head swim. John turned his head to give Alexander a loose kiss.

“You’re doing beautifully, John,” Alexander praised.

He was doing beautifully _now_. This was all before Alexander was going to push his cock into John, something that was bigger than just two fingers. John would have been content to Alexander fingering him until the sun came up. But that wasn’t the plan.

_Stick to the plan. You’ll never do it if you don’t._

“I’m ready,” John murmured nervously.

“Are you sure?”

John looked into Alexander’s seeking eyes. He knew his Alexander would be gentle and take care of him. And he so desperately wanted to know the pleasure he gave him the night before.

“ _Yes."_

Alexander nodded and took the condom package from John’s fingers. He opened it and rolled the latex on his cock. Mesmerized, John reached down and wrapped a hand around Alexander’s dick. It was fascinating, seeing this gorgeous man have to put on a barrier between then when John had him bare in his mouth and sucked on him.

Oh _god_ how John wanted to do that again.

He glanced up at Alexander, who was watching him amusedly.

“See something you like?” he teased.

“I can’t wait to have you in my mouth again,” John admitted. “But we’ll do it here and I’ll take my time with you.” He wanted to make Alexander completely fall apart, tease him the way he teased John every day.

“Until your jaw aches?”

And _oh_ how that would take _hours_.

John nodded hastily and moaned quietly, imagining Alexander spread out on their bed as John lies between his legs with his cock in his mouth. Alexander leaned down, positioning himself between John’s thighs, and let the shaft of his cock rub against John’s hole.

“I want to do the same to you. While you work on your laptop, I'll kneel below you and suck on your gorgeous cock for hours. Keep it warm until you’re done with your homework and then you take me to bed and fuck me through the mattress. Is that something you’re interested in, John?” Alexander told him.

John’s fantasies could never hold a candle to Alexander’s because _dear God Almighty_ did John want that. He wanted to see Alexander’s lips stretched around his cock, sitting in that silky _wet_ heaven, as he writes. And to have that for hours? The biggest restraint would be not fucking into and coming hot down Alexander’s throat—

John whined, lost in Alexander’s fantasy.

“ _Yes_ , Alexander.”

He grabbed at Alexander’s cock, resting the head against his waiting hole. With all this fantasy talk, John’s body was _craving_ Alexander.

“ _Please_ ,” John begged.

Alexander lowered himself down, his soft belly resting against John’s. He kissed John deeply as he pushed his cock _in_.

Oh _fuck_ did Alexander’s fingers not prepare him for this.

A moan ripped through John, pulled from deep in his chest.

Alexander was _inside_ him, sinking in until John felt his balls touch his ass.

John was prepared for it to hurt. He was not prepared for the fireworks in his brain, sparks of pleasure popping behind his eyes.

“You okay, my love?” Alexander asked against his lips.

“Always, baby girl,” John said, smiling. He started to understand why Alexander wanted him to fuck him again. The fullness was _incredible_.

Then Alexander pulled out a little and pressed back in.

John _loved_ it.

He wrapped his arms around Alexander’s back, holding him close. Alexander kept rocking into him, the small thrusts enough to keep John’s brain swirling. Then a deeper thrust rubbed against John’s prostate. A zap zinged through John’s brain.

“ _Oh!_ ” he breathed. Alexander hit it again. And again. “ _Oh! Ah!_ That feels so good.”

Then Alexander sped up his thrusts and John was _gone_ , lost to the pleasure he was dealing him. His legs lifted and bracketed Alexander’s hip, his heels brushing against the backs of his thighs. His own cock was trapped between their stomachs and the combined feeling of Alexander working him from the inside and the friction against his own cock, well, John just couldn’t get enough.

“You take me so well, John. Opening right up. Yeah, you love it, don’t you,” Alexander said hotly. John’s fingers scrabbled at Alexander’s sweaty skin, his fingernails biting into flesh. “Just made to take cock and _love it._ ”

His words were icing on the cake. John couldn’t stand it anymore. His body was tightening and unraveling at the same time. From Alexander’s words to his body to his _cock_.

“Alexander… Alexander! I’m gonna come—“

“Do it, my love. Let me feel you,” Alexander whispered into John’s neck.

And John came. His back arching, his head thrown back, his ass clamping down on Alexander’s cock as he came. He felt Alexander stop thrusting and he moaned in John’s ear, coming deep in John’s ass.

He pulled his face back to look at John who could not stop smiling.

“We did it, baby girl,” John said happily. Alexander pet at his hair.

“We did,” Alexander smiled back. He gently pulled out and John felt so empty. He now understood why Alexander was always begging him to fill him up and fuck him.

Alexander disposed of the condom in the trash before retrieving a washcloth from the sink. John was too spent to move. Alexander cleaned them both, wiping off their stomachs from John’s come, gently cleaning John’s ass from residual lube. When he was finished, he flopped back down onto the bed with John. While they both stared at the ceiling, John took his hand and laced their fingers together.

There they were.

John’s world was just fundamentally rocked and there they were.

Still Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens.

_“No son of mine will be a faggot.”_

And John just laughed.

Alexander turned his head to look at John.

“What’s so funny?”

John couldn’t stop laughing. He imagined Burr sending the photo of him in the library to his father and the conversation that could happen. Now, he would be able to tell his dad that he was fucked in the ass by his smart, witty, gorgeous boyfriend and he _loved it_.

And Alexander would be standing next to him every step of the way.

“I can’t believe how lucky I am,” John finally said after he was able to catch his breath. Alexander smiled at him.

“ _I’m_ the luckiest,” he argued playfully. John couldn’t help but lean over and kiss him.

“I was so moved by your essay—“

“Well, _clearly—“_

“Alexander!” John laughed. “I just wanted to tell you that I am proud of you and proud to be with you. I can’t believe the best, smartest, bravest man is my best friend and boyfriend.”

“I disagree,” Alexander retorted. “My best friend and boyfriend is the best, smartest, bravest man.”

“We are not going to be one of those couples!” John groaned.

Their laughter subsided and they were left in warm silence.

But John had one more question. He rolled over to face Alexander.

“What made you change your mind?”

Alexander rolled to face him. He brushed an errant curl out of John’s face before saying simply, “Your note.”

“What note?”

More like _which_ note.

“That day during class when we were passing notes. You dropped them and I didn’t read it until today.” John blushed.

“Oh, no. I was so nervous that was me talking too much too soon,” John mumbled.

“I was in love with you the moment I saw you,” Alexander said, completely smitten. “And I completely agree with how ridiculously fast this all happened, but when you know, you know?”

John nodded. He couldn’t help but agree. However, he was in love with Alexander before they even met. Their meeting only solidified his love.

Alexander pulled the blanket over both of them. He curled in closer to Alexander. John felt needy. He needed to be held after the intimacy they shared that night. Alexander wrapped an arm around his waist.

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?” John asked.

“Well,” Alexander began, “Washington refuses to speak to Burr and I until the election party with the Student Senate where they announce the winner. So unfortunately, I can’t officially concede until then. An email just won’t do.”

“That’s a bummer.”

“It is, but it’s worth it.” He yawned loudly. They hadn’t slept much in the last week so the yawn was well-deserved.

“Go to sleep, Alexander,” John whispered. He kissed Alexander sweetly before they both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

John woke up first, as usual, and Alexander was still sleeping peacefully. He was still wrapped around John just as they had fallen asleep. It might have been the first night of restful sleep Alexander had gotten all week.

He gently stroked Alexander’s long, flowing hair. It was so beautiful against his tan features and so soft between his fingers.

John watched as Alexander came to life, his breath shortening and his eyes fluttering open. While he was thrilled to have his boyfriend conscious and awake, John could have let him sleep for another hour or so.

“Good morning, baby girl,” John said softly. He kissed Alexander lightly.

“Good morning,” Alexander groaned as he stretched. He was not the biggest morning person.

“You ready for today?”

“I’ll be ready for today to be over.”

“Amen.” John kissed him again. “Well, let’s get up and get through today and then we’ll come back here and do the thing you told me about last night. I have a very long essay to write for Monday.” He thought of the fantasy Alexander told him last night and how much he wanted to try it. Maybe not this weekend, but definitely at some point. Alexander stared at him with wide eyes. He remembered.

Together, they got ready for the day. They missed breakfast, so after a lingering kiss goodbye at the door, they went their separate ways for class.

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _So what is happening, mon ami???_

Eliza gently stroked his back throughout their entire class. John hadn’t told her what their decision was. He figured it was Alexander’s news to give, not his.

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _You’ll have to ask Alexander._

Thankfully, Hercules was a man of few words.

“Nothing happened between me and Eliza.”

“I didn’t say anything did.”

“I mean, we did make-out for a while.” John stared at him with a furrowed brow.

“That constitutes as _something_ , Hercules.”

John swore he saw a blush on his cheeks.

 **From Marquis de Lafayette** : _Except he won’t text me back!_

John met up with Eliza and Alexander at North Hall for class. They split up to go to their respective classes. John and Alexander found a pair of great seats in the lecture hall, where they spent the entire class doodling. Alexander would write their names in various combinations (‘John Hamilton’, ‘Alexander Laurens’, ‘Mr. Alexander Laurens-Hamilton’, etc.) and John would draw hearts around them. It felt so ridiculous and cute and normal. John was quickly falling in love with how his name looked as ‘John Hamilton’…

 **To Marquis de Lafayette** : _You’ll just have to meet us at the Election Party_.

Lecture ended and John brushed his fingers against Alexander’s.

“Time to vote?” he asked softly.

“Time to vote.”

* * *

 

The Chemistry Building had several computer labs available for use, so it only seemed logical to vote there in the remaining hour before the Student Senate election party. In order to vote, they had to log into the school system, click their choice, then click send.

John had no hesitation in his vote. When the screen read “STUDENT SENATE – LGBT DELEGATE. SELECT: AARON BURR –OR– ALEXANDER HAMILTON”, there was no doubt in his mind as to who he wanted. He submitted his vote within seconds.

“Alright,” he announced. “That’s another vote for Alexander Hamilton.” He glanced over to Alexander who seemed to be hesitating.

“I can’t believe it’s real,” Alexander murmured.

“Do you need help?”

“Nope.”

Alexander clicked SUBMIT. John patted him on the back, smiling.

“You did it!”

“I did!” Alexander responded excitedly. John knew their votes didn’t matter, but the vote itself was so important. Alexander needed to see that despite Burr’s threats that people did want him in the Senate. They wanted him to create the change they wanted to see, not Aaron Burr.

The Aaron Burr whom they happened to run into in the hallway outside the computer lab.

John placed a hand on Alexander’s back and whispered, “It’ll be okay.”

Burr approached them with an air of smugness that made John _furious_.

“Well, well, well,” Burr smirked. “If it isn’t Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens.”

“Aaron Burr, sir.”

“I wish you the best of luck, Hamilton,” he said smoothly. “In all of your—“ He looked John up and down. “Endeavors.”

John saw red.

“Burr, I swear to God—“ he growled.

But Alexander held him back.

“No, John. Don’t engage. George deserved it. Burr deserves far worse.”

Burr chuckled.

John could definitely ensure Burr would be six feet under.

“You should listen to your boyfriend, Laurens. For as long as he is your boyfriend, after all. Oh, Alexander, do you have your concession speech ready or is Daddy Laurens going to be very disappointed in his son’s choices?” Burr held up his cell phone and there it was: his dad’s phone number on the screen.

“There’s always next year. Right, Alexander?” Burr asked as he placed a hand on Alexander’s shoulder. “But I heard that the likelihood of a candidate being reelected is close to 100 percent. And since I’m a junior and am on a track that keeps me here an extra year, you’ll get in what, your senior year? That’ll get you into a mediocre internship after you graduate.” Burr patted his shoulder. “Sounds like a great plan, doesn’t it? You’ll be in the same place with all the other immigrants. Your people, you know?”

Then Burr withdrew his hand and pushed between them to get past.

“But I’ll see you both at the election party in 20 minutes!” Burr called cheerfully to them as he entered the men’s restroom.

The anger John felt when he beat the shit out of King George was _nothing_ compared to the rage inside him at that very moment.

_I could fucking kill him. I could. I’d go to jail and Alexander would be upset but **god** I’ll kill him. And no one else is in that bathroom—_

“John, do _not_ follow him.”

John wanted to listen. But he also wanted to beat the shit out of Burr.

“I just—You can’t let him speak to you like that!” John said indignantly. He started toward the bathroom, but Alexander grabbed his arm.

“Did you not hear me? _Do not do anything to him, John Laurens_.”

John shook his arm out of Alexander’s grasp. He couldn’t murder Burr, as much as he desperately wanted to. It was one thing to beat your ex-roommate, but it was another to kill someone. Even if that someone was blackmailing you by sending lewd photos to your father.

His father.

They were going to have their cake and eat it too, goddammit.

“I have to do _something_ ,” John said harshly. He stormed down the hallway, breezing past the bathroom and into the cold January day.

The cold air stung at John’s cheeks, but he was warmed by his anger.

That, and the bubbling fear that rose in his chest.

While he had known about how insidious Burr’s plan was, he hadn’t been face-to-face with the man since that first day at the bursar’s office.

That first day when he met Alexander and his whole life changed.

John would have been content staying in the closet until he graduated college. Sure, it would have been terrible and depressing, but it ensured his future. He couldn’t risk it. But in the first two weeks of knowing Alexander Hamilton, he had thrown the dice so many times in flirting with him, in dating him, in beating King George, in having sex in public, in both his first times.

He felt empowered. He felt invincible. He could do _anything._

In that invincibility, John found himself calling home. He should have done this a long time ago.

He paced. His heart pounded in his ears. The dial tone was deafening.

“Hello?” came a deep grumble.

“Hi, Dad. It’s John.”

“I know. Caller ID, John,” Henry Laurens said, annoyed. “What’s going on? Do you need money?”

“No, no money, Dad,” John mumbled. “I, uh, I have something to tell you.” Henry Laurens sighed heavily.

“You didn’t punch another student, did you?”

John let out a laugh.

_Just the same student._

“No, I didn’t punch another student,” he assured his dad. John could barely hear himself think. “But I was calling to tell you something really important.

“I’m gay.”

No response.

“I even have a boyfriend.”

Nothing.

“I’m in love with him.”

Silence.

The terror welling up in his throat with every passing second made him want to _scream._

After several moments of silence, John asked nervously, “Are you still there?”

“Yeah,” Henry answered thickly.

“…Are you going to say something?”

_Yell at me. Get angry. Call me a faggot. I can take it._

“I’m just… I can’t say I didn’t see this coming,” Henry responded flatly. “I’m just so disappointed, John.”

A single hot tear rolled down John’s cheek. It felt like all the color was being drained from his body and he was being crumpled into a wad of paper to be thrown out.

It hurt more than being yelled at.

Oh, how he wished he could have been yelled at.

“Do you still love me?” John asked, his voice tiny and frightened.

Henry Laurens paused for a moment, then replied simply, “We’ll talk when you’re home next.”

More tears rolled down John’s cheeks as he clutched the phone to his ear. He pretended he heard a faint yet passionless ‘I love you’ over the receiver, but he knew it was all in his head.

“Is that all, John?”

“Yeah,” John choked. “That’s all, Dad.”

“Alright. Bye now.”

“Bye.”

Click.

His father was gone.

And John was alone to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart.

But he did it. He came out to his father. Alexander could beat Burr. They could stay together. John wouldn’t have to be alone when his life would eventually fall to ruin.

Yet John still cried.

Ultimately, he did it for himself. He came out to his father for himself. Despite everything, John felt an enormous weight off his shoulders. The single thought of being able to hold hands with Alexander in public was the beacon of light he needed.

_I did it for me. I did it for you._

John took a deep breath and ran back into the building. He bolted down the hallways and stairs to the Student Senate lecture hall. He was late. He could hear Washington’s booming voice over the microphone, starting to announce the winner.

Outside the door, John took a deep breath and plastered on a brave smile. All those people in there wanted to see a nominee’s smiling significant other. They didn’t want to see him cry.

“I hope you all voted today. Sally—“

John snuck in through the back door and quickly hurried down the stairs to Alexander and the rest of the crew seated in the front row.

“Is pulling up the results of the special elections for the newest position in the Student Senate. Sally?” Washington said, gesturing to a woman on the side of the room.

John sat down next to Alexander and took his hand in his. Alexander jumped slightly when he felt John’s touch.

“Where were you?” Alexander whispered. “Are you okay?”

“And I have the privilege to announce—“ Washington boomed over the microphone.

“I called my dad,” John whispered back. “I came out to him.”

_I did it for me. I did it for you. I did it for us._

“What?!”

“That the Student Senate’s first LGBT delegate in the history of the school is—“

“He’s not happy, but he told me he still loved me and we’d talk the next time I was home,” John lied, but Alexander didn’t need to know right now. “It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.”

“John—“ Alexander breathed.

“I love you—”

“ _Alexander_ _Hamilton!_ ”

The room exploded in applause.

_We did it, baby girl._

Alexander sat there stunned.

“Go!” John urged. Alexander got up on shaky legs and approached the podium. John glanced over at Burr who was across the room. His phone was in his hand, poised to send the text.

Alexander took to the microphone amidst wolf-whistles and cheers.

“Thank you, President Washington,” he began. His heart thrummed in his chest. “I am honored that the school – this university – chose me to fulfill this historic seat. Especially considering how I came across in certain interviews.” A low chuckle echoed through the lecture hall. “It amazes me that I, Alexander Hamilton, a freshman transfer student who is only here on a scholarship from his hometown, won you over. You didn’t know me two weeks ago, but here I am before you, about to help you change the school.

“I came here with the intentions of going to class, making revolutionary changes, and graduating valedictorian. While I’ve completed the first two, and even then the first one is a challenge some days, and I’m on my way to completing the third, there is something huge I didn’t expect I would do in the first two weeks of college.” Alexander turned to the Revolutionary Crew. “I made some of the best friends I could ever imagine. And it’s unbelievable to all of us, I promise, but I also fell in love with my incredible boyfriend, John Laurens.”

Alexander proffered his hand toward John to join him at the podium. John took another glance at Burr, whose face contorted into sheer confusion. John trusted that Alexander had something to say to keep Burr from sending that text.

Then John was standing and joining Alexander at the podium, their fingers laced together. He was out. He was proud. He was _nauseous_. John let himself lean against Alexander’s shoulder. If it didn’t, he would have thrown up right then and there.

_I did it for me. I did it for you. I did it for us. I did it for them._

“I have to tell you about John for a second,” Alexander smiled. “John is one of the bravest people I know. I won’t go into the whole story – if you want to know, you can ask us later – but right before this election party, John came out to his father. And I am so indescribably proud of him.” John smiled shyly. Of course Alexander was going to make an example of him for his platform. It was a great move. But John did not expect Alexander to kiss his cheek in front of this room of people. He blushed under the love. He glanced at their friends in the front row who were all nodding excitedly. They saw the pieces that were sacrificed in this game of chess and understood.

“John felt he couldn’t come out because of fear and rejection. He hadn’t come out until today because he was afraid he would lose funding for college. It is because of students like my boyfriend that I plan to work tirelessly in the Student Senate to ensure financial aid and scholarships are accessible to minority students so this does not have to continue. A student should not be afraid to be themselves because they do not want to lose out on higher education.

“I have a thousand ideas that I’m sure President Washington is thrilled to hear about, but I am looking forward to our time together. So, thank you, delegates, students, Washington,” Alexander concluded, “for this opportunity to show you what I’ve got. Let’s get to work!”

The room erupted once more. Washington placed a hand on Alexander’s shoulder.

“I look forward to working with you, Alexander,” he said warmly. “I’ll see you on Monday and not a moment sooner. Take the weekend and celebrate with your friends.” And oh, how they were going to celebrate.

“Yes, sir,” Alexander nodded.

Their time was up at the podium, so John led Alexander by the hand back to their friends who drew them into a group hug.

“We’re so proud of you, Alexander,” Eliza murmured into Alexander’s lapel.

“Knew you could do it,” Lafayette said before kissing the top of Alexander’s head.

“Let’s go out and celebrate!” Hercules declared. They all agreed before gathering their things and quickly exiting the lecture hall. Once in the hallway, Lafayette, Hercules, and Eliza began discussing where they should take Alexander to celebrate. John, however, pulled Alexander aside and wrapped his arms around his neck. Alexander in turn let his arms encircle John’s waist.

“You were amazing up there,” John said lovingly.

“I can’t believe you came out to your dad,” Alexander replied in awe.

“Well, it was going to come out sooner or later. I figured I’d rather tell my dad myself and be able to gush about you all the time to him instead of Burr telling him,” John shrugged. It was true, even if it hurt at the time. It was over and done with. It wasn’t a secret anymore.

Alexander kissed him firmly and deeply. When he realized this was their first public kiss as boyfriends, where people knew who they were, John moaned. Alexander took the opportunity to slip his tongue in to taste John’s and John was more than happy to oblige. He had wanted to do this so many times and in so many places. Now he could and John didn’t want to waste a moment.

A cough interrupted them. They broke apart to find their friends staring at them.

“We made reservations at Brown Bottle for 7 o’clock, but Hercules and I want to treat you to hookah at the Red Poppy before,” Lafayette said.

“Oh! Is it happy hour right now?” John asked excitedly.

“It is,” Hercules answered. John turned to Alexander.

“Have you ever tried it?” John queried. Alexander shook his head no.

“You’re going to love it. I’ve been working on my smoke rings and I’ve been getting pretty good,” he smiled.

“Alright, I’m in,” Alexander laughed.

“Let’s go!” Eliza said cheerfully as she took Hercules’ and Lafayette’s arms. John took Alex’s hand to follow.

“Hamilton!”

Alexander and John turned around.

“Aaron Burr, sir.”

Burr approached them calmly and reservedly. It didn’t make John’s anger die down at all.

“Congrats on a race well run,” Burr said. “The better man won today.”

“You’re damn right the better man won today,” John shot back. Burr smiled repentantly.

“I’ll understand if you have no interest in ever forgiving me, but I hope one day you and I can work out our differences, Alexander. Maybe start over, second chances. I think you’re a fine gentleman and a worthy opponent. You’re the man I wish I could be.”

“Maybe one day, Aaron,” Alexander replied. “But right now, I’m off to celebrate my win with my friends and my wonderful boyfriend. So if you’d excuse us.”

Aaron bowed. “Of course. See you around, Alexander.”

“See you around.”

Alexander was a much bigger man than John could have ever been.

Outside the Chemistry Building, their friends waited for them in the sun, the light streaming through the clouds. It was the first sunny day in weeks and the warmth felt glorious on the skin. Alexander and John emerged from the building, arms wrapped around each other.

“Alright!” Hercules said. “Lovebirds are here, so let’s go!” Eliza laughed as she took his hand in hers. She took Alexander’s free hand and with his free hand, John took Lafayette’s. It was odd and funny but John wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

In a matter of two weeks, John’s entire life changed. He was out. He was free. He had three wonderful friends and the best boyfriend he could have asked for. John finally tasted the first drop of true freedom and it was delicious.

The future looked so much brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That phone call didn't go the way you expected, did it? John is quite the liar, isn't he.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can follow me on tumblr @alexanderssecretboyfriend.


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